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Can he do this?

(28 Posts)

I will try to be as brief as possible. There is a lot more detail, but here are the main facts.

Ex is supposed to have DS (5) Sunday from 11am and overnight, takes him to school on Monday.
This week is half term, so ex asks what to do Monday morning?
- Bring him home instead of going to school (I am on leave, which he knows)
He says no, he will return him at 7:30pm Sunday so DS can have a lie in for the holidays.
- Fine.

However This is where the trouble starts. It was my DNeice's 21st last night. Ex refused to have DS last night, saying he's not my babysitter.
So DS stayed with my dsis, who lives a couple of streets away from me. I told ex that DS was staying there and could be picked up there instead.
Shouldn't be a problem.

But there was.

Ex collected DS from Dsis (slagging me off to DBil saying I'd refused to let DS go to his Dad's last night, preferring him to be with babysitters)
Ex did not return DS at 7:30pm tonight, and had not contacted me to change this arrangement. I went to his house to collect him, he refused to let me take him, as I'd left him with a babysitter so I could "suck cock" and get "shit faced" etc etc, I'm a terrible mum (and lots of other awful stuff about the state of the house I'd left him in and the people who were looking after him)
So I assumed he'd be bringing him home in the morning.
He says he won't.
I told him we had a day out planned. He says HE has plans for tomorrow now, and it's my fault for getting drunk.

What can I do?!

He has PR for DS but I am primary carer. CAN he just decide not to give him back to me?

Please advise.

Thanks for the replies.
I won't be answering the questions about what RL help I have managed to find, as exP has found me on here. It doesn't bother me, as everything I've said is totally accurate and honest, but I don't want to forewarn him of my intentions for the future/legal help I've sought.
When ex has been reasonable, he has agreed that the arrangement we have really is the best we can do for ds's best interests. Which is why we came to the agreement in the first place.
But when he wants to control me, he kicks off about contact. Every. Single. Time.

krimbles Thu 21-Feb-13 00:33:33

I started off very sympathetic, but after seeing the infantile other thread you just created am starting to wonder whether you're in a proper state of mind to take seriously. You ARE ranting a lot, and it's become clear you're in some sort of 'get back' game at your ex - happily using DS in the process.

I'm starting to find it hard to take as written these constant add-ons to the story that make it all seem so much worse. Why, for example, do you switch from allowing the son a lie in half term Monday, to having planned to spend the day at a theme park, without pausing for breath? Why is DS so against the idea of going to his father's?

Sorry, but you both seem to be using your child as a pawn. Basically, this thread is about your ex having DS until 3pm on a Monday rather than 9am, when under normal circumstances, that is when he would have been back with you anyway. I don't know the whys and the wherefores about whether you spoke about this and I don't really care either. Grow up.

OP, talk to Women's Aid and a solicitor, and don't worry about what your XP thinks. You need proper legal structures in place to make sure this man can't harass you and that any contact he has with DS is for DS' benefit.

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