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Sex again.... not with the teen in the house

(30 Posts)
dogsdogseverywhere Sun 17-Feb-13 21:08:04

Have namechanged.

So... DH says we can't have sex with DD (15) in the house. It puts him off, she might hear him. Apparently we have to wait until she leaves home (DD intends to go to uni locally and will commute rather than move away). Fab.

I have no idea how to deal with this, has been 4 months since he said this (not that I'm counting lol), I can appreciate where he's coming from but neither of us have ever been moany groany shouty types during sex and I can't see that changing. Also have a younger DS but he isn't the issue as goes to bed/sleep alot earlier than us.

DD doesn't go to sleepovers, she doesn't go out much - very studious currently studying for exams.

Any words of wisdom appreciated. Thank you

badinage Mon 18-Feb-13 01:14:17

I'm not comfy with all these posts inferring that just because he's a bloke, he won't want to give up on sex. It's more a case of it being strange for anyone who's used to having a regular sex life suddenly inventing excuses for why it can't happen - and this one is really scraping the bloody barrel.

We've got kids of assorted ages from teens upwards living at home and it's never bothered us one jot. They know we have sex and would be frankly astonished if we weren't. We've never been bothered about the older ones having their partners to stay either, as long as they change their own sheets and empty their own bins.

There's a reason for your husband going off sex and it's not this. Could be anything.....drop in libido, erectile dysfunction, health problem, excessive wanking and desensitisation to RL sex, an affair, problems in his perception of your relationship. What isn't fair is to lie to you about it and expect you to remain celibate without discussion. So I'd tackle this head-on.

Four teens in this house and we still have an active sex life!
Granted it's confined to the bedroom these days ..no more late night shagging in the living room grin as we never know who is going to reappear late at night!

Teens KNOW their parents still have sex.. I know my older children (aged 18-21) are having a sex life too and we are mutually respectful of this! Unless you are swinging from the light fittings and screaming I can't see a problem.

However I think any man saying no more sex DOES have a problem..and something is not rightsad

fluffyraggies Sun 17-Feb-13 22:19:46

Just a thought - but this is maybe a weird precursor for him to ban sex in the house for your DDs?

I mean he's maybe he is struggling with the idea that your DD will one day be having sex and feels if he can say 'in this house we do not have s e x' then he wont have to deal with it.

FWIW DH and i don't allow DDs boyfriends to stay over at our house. 2 of our DDs are sexually active with our certain knowledge and blessing, however, they know not to ask to have BFs sleep here. We have chosen to make our home a place that welcomes boyfriends various for meals, family gatherings, film nights etc - but no shagging. They can do that at the BF's.

When you have your chat perhaps get into the conversation that it's normal not to relish the idea of your own kids having sex. Explore the idea that it is going to happen. It's normal and good that it's going to happen. He isn't going to have to have it going on under his nose though, just because you two have a sex life in the house.

I feel like i'm talking twaddle! And i'm probably way off the mark, but it's a thought?

AnyFucker Sun 17-Feb-13 22:02:50

teenagers know not to walk in unexpectedly

to think otherwise is insulting to them

he is treating her like a bedhopping 3yo

God help you all when she starts getting boyfriends

I really hope he doesn't start visiting his fucked-up attitude on his own daughter's sex life

dogsdogseverywhere Sun 17-Feb-13 22:02:45

Thank you for all your comments, you've made me realise I am not being unreasonable here.

I think a chat is in order, not looking forward to that but not looking forward to no sex forever either blush

Lueji Sun 17-Feb-13 21:56:32

I'm sure walking in on you is the last thing DD would want.

And I suspect early morning sex would be safe anyway.
smile

chocolatespiders Sun 17-Feb-13 21:54:23

you can be intimate without wall banging sex? Mutual masturbation is useful when children are around grin

dogsdogseverywhere Sun 17-Feb-13 21:52:54

anyfucker i suspect you have hit the nail on the head, he had very bizarre upbringing, his parents never had sex of course he was the immaculate conception. He hates the fact I am open about sex with DD and I suspect he would like to have a no sex ban when she is old enough to have boyfriends stay over (but didn't mind her having a double bed hmm I do hasten to add DD doesn't have boyfriends stay over now bearing in mind she is 15 lol)

When he said it I kind of thought the urge would overtake his worry of DD hearing something but obviously not sad I also wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable but obviously not as lots of you still managing a decent sex life with children/teens in the house.

Oh, and if DD was heading for our room I would expect it to be an emergency or she was sleep walking again as she never comes in otherwise.

momb Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:19

I think he has other problems that he is embarrassed to talk about. It is absolutely normal that he woudln't want your daughter hearing you but as you aren't shouty people then there is another reason. If he won't talk to you then he needs to talk to someone else. This is really sad for him (both of you).
Do you hug and kiss in front of your children? When your daughter eventually leaves home your son will be old enough to be up late. He can't honestly be suggesting you don't get intimate for 10 years unless there is something else worrying him.

AnyFucker Sun 17-Feb-13 21:48:57

why is he making ridiculous excuses to not have sex with you ?

you are not being told the whole truth here

we have two teenagers in the house and still manage a regular and varied sex life

they know we have sex..tbh, they stay out of the way because they find it embarassing (without having been witness to anything inappropriate as far as I know)

your 15yo knows about sex

your husband trying to give the message that two people in a loving relationship never do it is fucked up, quite honestly

MolotovCocktail Sun 17-Feb-13 21:48:28

I'll be 41 when our DD1 is 15yo. Still alive, still with needs, no doubt still wanting sex. You need to talk to your DH because his attitude is weird from what I can gather. It's fine should be want to be discrete, but you can't stop living your life just because your DD might hear you.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Sun 17-Feb-13 21:47:57

Bloke here.

Very odd. Basically saying no sex for next 3 - 4 years. I don't think so.

Something else going on here.

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 21:45:27

Could it be possible he's having difficulties in that area and is blaming it on an external factor (as he gets older, things do get floppier)?

There are loads of suggestions, have a film on, music, get a lock, lock the door (or just lock it when you want to be alone for any reason, thereby not only locking it as a signal for sex if he is that paranoid).

But that doesn't seem to be the heart of the matter, you need to find out what is going on.

rubyrubyruby Sun 17-Feb-13 21:41:06

I would suggest you are intimate in other ways,
Massage, cuddles, spooning etc

fluffyraggies Sun 17-Feb-13 21:41:02

Sorry to generalise, but for a bloke to say he's giving up sex for x years, then there is something fairly major going on.

Either a serious over reaction to his DD hearing the pair of you, or he is using it as an excuse sad

MajesticWhine Sun 17-Feb-13 21:40:09

Sorry shit typing - I mean if they have dried up

NettleTea Sun 17-Feb-13 21:39:58

But why would DD walk into your room anyway? I mean, my kids are 6 and 12 and they know not to come in unless the door is open (under the guise of us not liking being rudey awakened, but covers al eventualities)
FFS, what if she doesnt leave until she is in her 30s
What if she starts having boyfriends stay over later in ife - will the no sex with other adults in the house rule appy to her - good luck with that one???

MajesticWhine Sun 17-Feb-13 21:38:54

Hmm, its a poor excuse. I suspect there is something else going on. Was he a keen participant previously? He could just be avoiding intimacy for some reason. How is he with kisses and cuddles which are not going to disturb anybody? Ir have those deied up as well. I would guess there is another reason he doesn't want sex.

Startail Sun 17-Feb-13 21:38:44

It sounds like a pretty dumb excuse.

The walls of my childhood home were made of cardboard, I knew exactly what my parents got up to.

I liked hearing them, I liked the idea that even 'old' people still enjoyed themselves. I even used to tease my DDad at breakfast. DMum always pretended to be faintly embarrassed.

rubyrubyruby Sun 17-Feb-13 21:37:50

It is tricky but DD must go out sometimes surely.

You just have to grab the moment when you can. We mostly opt for in the night or mornings as our teens don't surface as early as us.

SweetSeraphim Sun 17-Feb-13 21:37:35

It's ridiculous. We manage it regularly with a 15 yr old and a 12 year old, and 2 younger ones. You just have to pick your moments. And have music on in the bedroom grin

I think he's making excuses tbh, sorry.

NippyDrips Sun 17-Feb-13 21:33:08

It is hard with teens around but I can't imagine not having sex ever again until she moves out!

dogsdogseverywhere Sun 17-Feb-13 21:31:07

I think 4 months ago was the last time I asked and got told no and I said why. Nothing else dramatic that I can think of. I even suggested a bolt on the door but no, because then DD would just 'know' what was going on.

On the contrary DD has a very healthy attitude to sex and would probably think it odd that we didn't do it rather than if she knew we did!

fluffyraggies Sun 17-Feb-13 21:29:04

It's natural to want to be discrete. But there's ways to do it.

All our bedroom doors are shut at night. Ours and theirs. If we hear anyone going across the landing while we happen to be at it, we stop for a bit.

The kids know they're not to walk in to our room if the door is shut and we're in there. Day or night.

Our walls are flimsy. We keep the noise down, and the bed de-squeaked.

Maybe you could show him this thread.

NettleTea Sun 17-Feb-13 21:20:58

what happened 4 months ago to make him announce this? It just seems a bit arbitary if he was happiy DTD up until then? Any other suspicious behaviours??

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