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could you date someone who cant spell?

(70 Posts)
oopsadaisymaisy Sun 17-Feb-13 19:07:08

I fully expect to need my hard hat, please don't be too harsh. I like someone, he's really sweet and he makes me laugh but he can't spell. We text each other a lot and I'm amazed at how poor his spelling is. I'm not talking the odd spelling mistake, I make them myself, I mean seriously bad spelling. It's not going to stop me seeing him but it does bother me a little bit.

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 17-Feb-13 19:21:06

Ok, got more criticism. I deserve it. I shouldn't judge but I do but I'm going to stop it. He's kind and very nice to me. My ex was highly intelligent and a complete knob. I'm lucky he likes me.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadBusLady Sun 17-Feb-13 19:22:57

noddy It's interesting. I guess because I would feel it reflected how much care they'd taken in writing to me. If I know my spelling of a word is dodgy, I check it. I wrote to my DP for weeks before I met him. To me, it's as valid a way of getting to know a person as the more conventional face-to-face ways, and somebody who doesn't bother about their writing is the equivalent to someone who doesn't pay their fair share, or gets too pissed to be sociable, etc.

Same disclaimer as before applies re dyslexia etc.

usualsuspect Sun 17-Feb-13 19:23:44

My dp hates not being able to spell,he feels judged all the time.

MadBusLady Sun 17-Feb-13 19:24:19

See, that's how careful I am, I finish all my paragraphs with "etc" grin

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 19:26:39

I probably wouldn't date someone who didn't think that spelling was important. If it looks like he's just not trying then we'd most likely disagree on a number of other issues too.

izzyizin Sun 17-Feb-13 19:26:58

I'm with MadBusLady - she's said exactly what I think on this subject but , as I've dated more than a few highly intelligent and articulate dyslexics, I see no reason to cower under a hard hat.

My DH can't spell, he's dyslexic, so it's understandable. He is clever though, very clever with computers, funny, witty, and kind. There are more good traits I could list, but I'd rather not make people start gagging. His spelling doesn't bother me at all. If he hadn't been very smart I think that would have been an issue, but he is, and his spelling has little to nothing to do with it.

RobotLover68 Sun 17-Feb-13 19:27:42

Yes i would/have - been with my DH 23 years and his spelling is terrible - he can knock me into a cocked hat with maths though - I'm rubbish!

YABU and judgy

roofio87 Sun 17-Feb-13 19:28:28

my ex dp (who I still think very highly of!) was an appalling speller in texts, every other word spelt wrong. but was fab in every otht way and got a degree and phd and went on to get a top job. spelling is definitely not everything!!

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 19:29:23

There are a number of people on MN who are dyslexic (or who say that they are) where you would not guess it from their posts.

One of my colleagues, a professor at that, cannot spell for shit. It doesn't bother me at all. My spelling is awful too, and my typing is crap. Autocorrect sorts out a lot of what I type (sometimes to hilarious effect). I don't see how it matters.

It's a bit like not wanting to date someone because of their shoes. Really silly, but it could be something you just can't look past. It's best never to mention the reasoning in these situations, as it makes you sound shallow and daft.

maresedotes Sun 17-Feb-13 19:32:04

My DH is dyslexic and constantly asks me how to spell words so it wouldn't bother me. He is intelligent, loving and kind though. These are the qualities that are important to me not his truly appalling spelling.

allaflutter Sun 17-Feb-13 19:32:52

OP, is your issue with spelling perse, or is it a red herring, and whay you care is his EDUCATION level or dare I say, class? If so, you won't be able to lie to yourself for much longer, and after he boosts your self-esteem you'll get all dissatisfied. but if it's just the spelling, then of course ignore it.

IMO personality is the most important thing, but the second thing for a good relationship is similar interests and/or conversation on a similar level, so if he's fine with these and just spells badly, then not a problem for me.

I used to work as an editor and writer and regularly had to proof read other people's work. The odd typo or spelling error I can cope with, as we ALL make mistakes at times, but I often get some really appallingly written letters and emails at work (different job now) and it really grates on me - all because of my previous career. I must own up and say I would probably avoid an OD profile that had some poor spelling - but in real life, how often would I be likely to read a partner's stuff?

amillionyears Sun 17-Feb-13 19:34:38

Yep, married him!
Realised that in his case although he has never been able to spell well, that had no bearing on a lot of other things.
It severely restricted his learning at school though.
We assume he has some sort of educational condition, as other things words related are also difficult for him.
Though his spelling, after many years of marriage, and me helping him spell, has much improved.

starsandunicorns Sun 17-Feb-13 19:35:27

Im disleyxic and my dp loves my texts though he has said it can take a couple reads to work out what I mean. He has said it took him some time to understand my regular mis-spelling. If in doubt hes calls me or says to retext it and to text slowly. Im not thick and can have intense converstaions. My dp says its apart of me and accepts all of me

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 19:36:01

You've now said in a later post that he's not very clever.

Even if his spelling was perfect I would not choose to date someone who I thought was "not very intelligent", no matter how "cute" he was.

MechanicalTheatre Sun 17-Feb-13 19:38:03

I'm not sure how important intelligence is, in terms of academic intelligence.

I'd rather have someone who is kind, that's much rarer.

oopsadaisymaisy Sun 17-Feb-13 19:40:27

Alla, I ll have to get to know him better. We ve only just met. I ll reserve judgement. It's just his spelling at this stage I'm struggling with. I can definitely overlook that if we have other things in common.

VelvetSpoon Sun 17-Feb-13 19:42:16

One of my Exs couldn't spell for shit. He has dyslexia which wasn't picked up properly at school. But he tried so hard, did a lot to educate and improve himself, and used to write me poems (after spell checking them thoroughly!). I was always very touched by that effort smile

For me, spelling isn't as important as what someone has to say for themselves - my DS's dad has no issues with spelling BUT he's really quite unintelligent, knows nothing about anything.

I know which I'd prefer.

It depends - if you don't find him mentally stimulating, you are on a hiding to nothing.

JulietAndRomeo Sun 17-Feb-13 19:45:33

Hmmm. My DH is very clever and mildly dyslexic and a terrible speller - and unemployed.

Do I mind that he can't spell? No.

Do I mind that he's unemployed? Yes. A lot.

Do I think the two are related? Yes.

Dont ever underestimate the consequences of dyslexia. It shapes your whole life in weird ways.

Bluemonkeyspots Sun 17-Feb-13 20:03:22

My dh writes the way he talks. I'm not even going to try and give an example as it really is a skill only he can demonstrate. Used to do my head in but he is a great husband/dad and I'm lucky to have him most of the time so just let it slide (though I do sometimes cringe when he sends me a Facebook message that all my friends and family can read)

LittleEdie Sun 17-Feb-13 20:05:58

If there's a good amount of chemistry, then yes I would.

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