Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

found knickers, not mine!

(148 Posts)
sammerinna Sun 17-Feb-13 09:06:19

BF returned on Sat' from working on big construction proj' in Middle East. Whilst emptying his sports bag this morning. I was surprised that all clothes within were freshly washed, not folded, but clean. Also within were a pair of flimsy, pink knickers, clean, and way to small to be mine or for me. He had to go away again this morning for a meeting and is back tomorrow eve'. Haven't confronted him yet. He does have a lot of laddish mates out there. I don't know I'm clutching at straws here.. help! advice please!!!

ZenNudist Sun 17-Feb-13 10:04:16

Breezy question: ooh your clothes are clean - how come?

See what his reaction is, banter about how he should def do same in future, save adding to laundry pile. Then slyly ask about the pants. Make sure you can see his face for sign of recognition or shock.

If it was hotel laundry they would be very neatly folded & possibly wrapped.

How much time does he spend there?

MadAboutHotChoc Sun 17-Feb-13 10:06:57

These can't have been washed by the hotel laundry - these all should have been tagged, ironed and professionally folded. I know because DH travels a lot for work.

DontmindifIdo Sun 17-Feb-13 10:20:46

the clothes being washed suggests he did at some point have access to a washing machine, and that he did it himself not via the laundry (as htey would have ironed/folded as well). Often when I do the washing, I'll miss a pair of pants or a sock in the machine or the tumble dryer which would come out in the next wash - if a woman had washed her stuff just before him in a commual washing machine or used a commual drier, it's perfectly possible it would come out with that, and if he's just shoved it all in his bag, it's got mixed up.

I would be more suspicious of dirty knickers, let's face it, why would a woman not only leave without her pants, but wash and dry them then leave them? not logical at all.

And I do most of DH's washing.

kalidanger Sun 17-Feb-13 10:31:18

Do not mention them to him on the phone. You need to see his face while he explains. Don't give him the opportunity to think up an excuse.

But in this case it does seem like it could be a laundry mix up... Things come back from hotel laundries in a tagged bag, not individually tagged garments.

As an aside; is putting knickers in their mates bags something that men do to each other?? This is going in the 'What? Really?' file along with posh wanks hmm

GloryWhole Sun 17-Feb-13 10:35:22

My initial thought would be that the OW had put the knickers in the bag so that i would find them... [hmmm]

But, then, i don't have a very high opinion of the majority of men at the moment!

Guntie Sun 17-Feb-13 10:51:52

I've stayed in all sorts of hotels in the middle east and it would be really obvious if they had been washed by the hotel. They would be expertly starched and ironed, including the knickers. If they were washed and just folded I would bet they were not done by the hotel. It is highly suspect that he has come back with a set of women's underwear.

Do you know what hotel he was staying in? You could easily call them and question the bill to find out if their was laundry charged to it. I have done this countless times as I was only allowed a certain laundry allowance each trip and would sometimes call to check how much they had charged me.

I also wash my DHs clothes. When he comes back from a trip he is exhausted. I unpack the bags and get the loads on quickly. Takes all of 5 minutes of effort, and its a nice thing to do.

I honestly am hugely surprised by the vitriol of people saying they wouldn't do it, or do laundry separately. Do you not separate your laundry by colours? (Genuine question) I wash darks/colours/whites/wools separately. If I then only did mine I would never have enough to put a load in the machine?! Just makes more sense to me to wash all the darks in the house rather than just my own.

OP, I hope this turns out to be nothing, but it is highly suspect if you ask me..

ZenNudist Sun 17-Feb-13 10:51:55

To add to the comments about doing/not doing partner's laundry. I don't do much of dh's laundry. He has a separate wash basket in his office, mine is in the hall, ds's is in his room. I will ask dh if he wants me to add anything when I do a certain colour wash. If I have space in the wash I will raid his basket. He never thinks to wash mine or ds's clothes. It's just how we work things. I work 4 days he works full time.

We only unpack out own stuff. My bag will stay in a spare room, his in his office. If he leaves it there for a month I don't care. I'm not going to do everything for him. It's not a PC thing. I just don't have the time or the inclination.

seb1 Sun 17-Feb-13 10:52:21

On holiday I did 3 loads of washing and if it hadn't been for my OCD tendencies I would have left a sock or something in the washer after each load maybe the person who used the washing machine before him wasn't as OCD at checking and checking as me. grin

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 10:58:46

what kind of bastard friend would plant a pair of womens knickers in a mates suitcase for their wife to find. Thats not really something that would actually happen is it. I also think its unlikely one pair of knickers would get mixed up from someone elses wash, but nothing else.

I would be very very suspicious. If not livid/devastated.

Bluemonkeyspots Sun 17-Feb-13 11:02:36

grin at morris' separate laundry baskets. Mumsnet relationships never fail to surprise me!

Sorry op but hopefully you have had a few smiles from this thread. I would leave the knickers lying somewhere in view when he comes home. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Scenario : dh decides not to go on a night out with mates & instead goes to launderette and washes clothes as has decided to save you a job. Mates in piss take fashion decide to plant the knickers in there hmm

Or maybe he ran out of clothes & decided he might as well wash the whole lot? And the knickers were left behind in the same machine..

I would be worrying about it too though. And agree don't mention it on the phone.

And I also wash the clothes. And he does sometimes too.

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 11:07:57

dont tell him about the knickers maybe. Tell him that you know about the other woman.

One single incident on its own is way too easy to make up excuses for

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sun 17-Feb-13 11:16:08

Shitty thing is, once the seed is planted - it stays sad I hope you can get it sorted and you are happy with the outcome.

ILoveBagels Sun 17-Feb-13 12:00:01

are you sure he was definitely staying in a hotel?

LadyLapsang Sun 17-Feb-13 12:19:33

Are you sure he was staying in a hotel, when my DH was out there his company paid for a shared apartment with washing machine etc. and it was all men staying there. Personally I wouldn't mention the knickers (& not leave them hanging around) until I had found out a few things 1. Where was he staying? 2. His explanation for the washing being done? I would just say, Oh darling this is a nice change, no dirty washing to do - did you have a washing machine? Then wait.

So, if he was staying in an all male apartment why would there be knickers in his washing? Unless the washing looked like it had been done professionally I would wonder if he had been staying / visited by a woman and she has done his washing.

LadyLapsang Sun 17-Feb-13 12:21:36

Should add that lots of apartments come with maids - DH raved about the standard of cleanliness but that would not explain knickers in the washing.

badinage Sun 17-Feb-13 12:21:54

I don't think it's unreasonable to comment on a bloke who would leave a bag unpacked with clothes unwashed until someone else did it for him, which is what the OP said. There's a big difference between somone unpacking a bag and putting clothes in the laundry basket - and not even bothering to unpack and leave a case untouched.

So the impression I'm getting is of a bloke who thinks unpacking and washing is 'women's work', who's got laddish mates and who gets drunk on trips. Not a huge leap then to think that he might have been up to no good and I can see why the OP thinks that's possible too, although if he's busted no doubt he'll blame it on the 'sociable' women who made him do it.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 12:29:08

OK first of all are you absolutely sure he was in the ME? Did you phone him on a landline there? Did you see him off on the plane?

Secondly are you sure he stayed in a hotel there? Are there other signs he was in a hotel, eg receipts?

Those clothes were not washed in a hotel. He can't say they are; they simply wouldn't look like that. In any case, why would he get all his washing done just before coming home?

You could always phone the hotel and say you're his secretary and sorting out his receipts and there doesn't seem to be one for laundry and ask whether he's mislaid it.

It's a horrible feeling, isn't it?

VBisme Sun 17-Feb-13 12:35:34

I used to work away from home and get my laundry done before I came home so that DH and I didn't have to do it.

However I do agree that the laundry would be ironed and folded with a laundry label glued in.

Helltotheno Sun 17-Feb-13 12:41:06

So surprised people think adults doing their own laundry is weird... In our house, everyone has a separate laundry basket; granted, that's partially training for my dc since i am effed if I'm going to be their slave for the next ten years when they have full use of their limbs...
Obviously other jobs are more communal, such as cooking, mowing the lawn etc...

But my dh likes to know where his stuff is at any given time and would consider it seriously odd if i started unpacking his bag, sorting thru his smalls...see comment above re having full use of limbs!

I tend to agree with badinage OP...it's not really because of the knickers though. You should just ask him face to face.

Lastofthepodpeople Sun 17-Feb-13 12:49:48

Hi, I've had other people's underwear in my laundry before! This was when I went to an independent laundromat rather than the hotel one. They just put it in a bag, and depending on the service you pay for, it might not be folded.

If he did it himself, it could have been the knickers were left at the bottom of the machine by someone else and he didn't notice when stuffing all the laundry into the bag.

If you have no other reason to suspect infidelity, I wouldn't immediately assume he's guilty.

MrsWeasley Sun 17-Feb-13 12:51:15

Oh dear, Sorry but it could be he is seeing someone whilst away she knows about you or suspects so she put them there to let you know about her? Sorry

WafflyVersatile Sun 17-Feb-13 13:01:37

I'd maybe say that you were going to put his stuff in the wash but it was already clean and ask a question around that or just see what he says.

The hotel he stayed at did his laundry unbidden? Does he always stay at the same place?
He hand washed all of his clothes in the sink for some reason?
The hotel had a laundry service for once so he thought he might as well use it as he feels guilty that you always end up doing it?
He spilled something in his bag so used the laundry service?
His mates did it is a bit coincidental with the laundry being done for the first time too. I'm not sure about that.
He was afraid that the evidence of another woman would be detected on his clothes for some reason so had them cleaned then cocked up his deceit by not noticing the knickers?
A woman he slept with or who would have like to have slept with him put them in there so you would find them? Hard to see how a spurned woman would have access to his bag, and again that would be a bit coincidental with the laundry being done on the same trip.

Of course if he was up to no good he possibly already has a reason for the laundry being done lined up (even though he presumably doesn't know those knickers are there) so asking about that without mentioning the knickers maybe not reveal anything.

minicreamegg Sun 17-Feb-13 13:12:41

leave the knickers on the floor at night, if he gets up and says 'have u been buying new underwear' he's in the clear, if he hides them, he's not in the clear. Or let him put his own stuff away and see what he does with then.

PinkCanary Sun 17-Feb-13 13:17:00

I once had a mini panic when I found someone else's knickers in our dryer. Then I remembered I'd let my neighbour borrow it a couple of weeks earlier when hers was on the blink. Items like that are easily mislaid.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now