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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!(1000 Posts)
Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!
This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.
Take a seat.
You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!
So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?
And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD
And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE
See you soon xx
oh purple. I wish I could help you....you sound so depressed and weary. is there no-one at all who can come and help carry the load a little?
Would it be worth going to your GP - see if you can get some meds or counselling or help of anykind?
Sorry, Ma Tried for a nap after I fed the DC lunch. Sleep is all over the place right now.
XP offered to see if he could have DC for a while this weekend (told him I was 'ill') but just about finished the weekend now. Ought to go back to the GP. The trouble with this awful, (for me) dirty little secret is that I can't tell people the truth and end up even more isolated because of it. At least I have you lot to moan
at to this time rounds. Thanks Ma x
You can talk about it, here, with medical people, with your FWB friend.
Please talk to someone
I'm worried about you
Would-like-to-be FWB friend is only interested in his own misery/life/problems, which is why he's only ever going to be a WLTB FWB! Shame, he's an Italian photographer who wears cashmere (see, Ma, feeling better already) but he's a bit of a 'taker'. Remember Pepe La Pew?? That's him but with a cashmere sweater on!!
I'm working through it, slowly, on here and in RL with the Alcohol Services nurse. Going to ask for some CBT. I'm getting better at asking. Just putting it down in black and white helps. I've spent so many years not telling anyone anything - except when hopelessly drunk. My X BIL and sometime best friend tells me that I only every let my guard down when I've had a drink. That's when he sees the 'Real Me'. Clearly I have to change that - and I am making inroads to that. I suppose I have no confidence that anyone will be interested in what I have to say, how I'm feeling. Not looking for sympathy here but the two people who should have cared were absent - Mum due to alcohol and depression (and 'Uncles') and Dad due to severe case of 'spinelessness' and presence of jealous Wicked Step Mother so I think it's difficult not to assume that people will always let me down.
I'm better than I was Ma because I have this place to write stuff down. I'm in a bad place just now but I'm still typing.......... Thanks, Lovely, with all you have on your plate, to be worrying about me. xxxx
Purple I so get what you are saying about how difficult it is to ask for help. I've always been the one who looks after others, sorts their problems, takes care of them, remains calm and sorted. Then in the last 2 years when there's been so much to face I try to do the same, and I end up sitting exhausted and crying. In all the looking after other people, I forget to look after myself, and I don't think I've ever learned how to let other people look after me, for me.
I'm struggling with a sick parent at the moment (and incredibly grateful to have a close family) but it's yet another issue that's exhausting me - mainly because I'm resisting any offers of help and support. What, phone a friend? But I might cry. What, limit my visiting to once a day? But what if he dies and I end up feeling guilty. What, demand that dh takes over the shopping and cooking? But he won't buy my favourite foods and he certainly won't cook them as I like. What, cut back on my other commitments? But then I might have to admit I'm not super-human. Woe betide any of my friends trying to help me
Big wave to all babes hope you are enjoying sunday evening, hope the snow has buggered off.
purple You are starting to let go of all kinds of hurtful situations and I guess it all has to come out. I can fully understand that because I'm working through similar
crap childhood stuff too. I thought it was an excellent decision to contact your father last time you went on holiday, ok he didn't respond as you wanted him to but that's his big,fat loss really! Well done for getting on with the holiday and having a great time. You can't control what he thinks and lots of oap's centre their entire existence on dr's appointments- even if it's just to show a lucky Dr their piles,
You do need to let it out or get to a more comfortable place- so, yes, CBT or just councelling (sp) or aa or hypnotherapy might help you get there.
But one more thing, you have to promise us that you are going to do one nice thing for yourself every day this week, maybe not wine, but nice bubble bath or coffee with a friend just something to break the cycle of thoughts. Look after yourself lovely. x
Decides that venus might need nice things too. x
NEW THREAD WHEN READY
Purple - I agree with Guggs - you ARE letting go of so much, letting so much out here, that you're bound to feel low, it's how the brain kinda works. The more you realise, the more you release, the more you let go, the more comes to the forefront of your mind if that makes sense?
You're making room for shit you buried long ago, your teens, your family life, your fucked up relationships, first relationships and the things that you never thought you'd do to feel loved, wanted etc (like tolerate emotional abuse and hate from people who you thought loved and wanted you) Ringing bells yet?
The more boxes that you open, the more stuff shifts around. Thing is, there's no order to it all, it comes and it comes when it wants to, not when YOU do.
So yep, CBT will help but I also think that it's time to stop hiding here and start talking to your GP about the lows you are having, maybe for a short while you can have something to help take the edge off. BUT, you have to be honest, you can fool yourself that this is a blip, but it's a long blip isn't it? Ask for help, it's all out there, you just have to have a tiny little leap of faith again...... you've done it once, do it again and show the world who it's messing with!!
I know that AA was a huge let down for you and I could've wept for you because you tried so hard to get help, you pushed yourself so much to say those words, make the call and then to have that thrown back at you was appalling.
I'm sorry you have no support in RL xxxx
Purple, I loved your post about the holiday in Snowdonia. Really touching.
HUGE HUGS (as dd1 and I say)
I don't know what else to say really.
Hugs to everyone else
Dearest Mouse I know this is not a 'blip', it's been a long time coming, and yes, you are so right about the 'letting it all out' (the ol' 'Can Of Worms' thing - again!) I suppose some of it has taken me by surprise and I'm still working things out, in my head. When you are a child and these things happen you think they are normal because grown-ups are 'always right'. x
I don't think I'm hiding on here. More, I think, it's proving to be the 'stabiliser wheels' on my bicycle for the launch into RL. A safe, tentative step into trusting people. I've 'come out' to one friend since being on here and I'm
mostly keeping my appointments with the Alcohol Services nurse. I sit there, in that horribly clinical surroundings, and I tell her the truth. I promised myself that I would continue to seek help and I would be honest. I've made progress.
Venus Thank you, Hun. (Very un MN!) I understand the 'doing it all yourself' stuff. You have so much to deal with right now. I hope you can start to consider letting someone else take a little bit of the burden? x
Guggs Sorry to hear you are having to deal with childhood crap too. How can we get to this age without recognising/sorting this shit out?! I hope you find some peace. Thank you for your empathy and kind words. Still working on the 'I'm worth it' project. x
hey venus thinking of you - pm me if things are getting too much and maybe we can meet up
am getting an early night. eaten too many peanut m&ms and feel sick!
Hello, I got over excited and posted in the new thread. Here it is;
Hello all, I think this is the thread for me right now. I have lost a relationship because of my drinking, and I have just lost a friend because of it too. Feel utterly ashamed. I have just been looking for local meetings.
Hey Katie posted a reply for you in the new thread. x
So you did, I am cross threading. I am a binge drinker, I can not stop after one and a friend has pulled me up on it saying she wants nothing more to do with me. I had black outs so could not remember conversations or I would get upset and maudlin. What a mess.
Katie Is this an important friend? Any possibility you could explain you have a problem and salvage the friendship? And what about the relationship you say you've lost?
It is actually the girlfriend of a good friend who wants nothing more to do with me. I am not sure how to fix it as the friend has ignored my calls and seems to be with her opinion. She had the word last night and said I was selfish and a liar and she could not stand to be around me.The relationship fell to bits because I was drinking too much and being a nightmare, it has taken me a while to realise this. I would start pointless rows. I feel so ashamed.
A friend is going to come to a meeting with me this week, and I have a session booked in with a counsellor as well.
You've made a great start Katie! You've organised going to a meeting with a friend and you've sorted counselling! You are taking ownership of this problem and are facing things head on. Well done Sweetpea! As for the 'girlfriend of a good friend', maybe just cut yourself a break and think that, sometimes, these things happen. True friends will stand by you, and even if they're pissed off with you because of your behaviour, real friends will be there for you while you sort yourself out. xx
That is a sweet thing to say, thank you! I am nervous as hell but it has to be done. I really want to knock drinking on the head, and I have seen myself get much worse over the years.
No, it's true. You've already started to help yourself Katie, a fantastic step. And, if you weren't nervous, I would think it meant you weren't taking it seriously. Sending courage and let us know how it goes. Night. xx
So I'm filling up this space.
....... ON THE NEW THREAD xx
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