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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 20:58:15

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry grin whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon smile xx

curryeater Mon 18-Mar-13 18:18:08

Hi,
Good to see you all.
Purple, I know it's much easier said than done but try not to take the AA woman personally. We don't know anything about why she let you down (except that it was nothing to do with you, because she doesn't even know you), but we do know one thing about her - she has a drink problem. Maybe she was desperate to get into that meeting, fighting demons, and couldn't wait. Maybe she has been on a bender. Whatever happened, it wasn't about you. Shit, but not about you.

Struggling at the moment - woke up and just couldn't do a Monday - called in sick - so shit. I just couldn't do it. I feel bad for being such a loser but a lot better for a day off the treadmill (working but no one talking to me)

Anyway I have decided god loves me. I forgot a meeting today when I called in sick, and remembered about 3 hours too late. Phoned the woman in a panic (who fortunately I know well) and it turned outs he had had to cancel and I hadn't got to the email yet. Thank goodness, really didn't need that embarrassment in the office.

determinedma Mon 18-Mar-13 18:27:34

<slams on brakes violently>
Now we are all accounted for, I'll slow down.
<surveys tangled heap of Babes on floor>
My bad blush

greeneyed Mon 18-Mar-13 20:02:53

purps not thread hogging, we called for you, you came! smile

curry phew about the meeting! That is a result!

aliasjoey Mon 18-Mar-13 22:46:38

You are not hogging the thread, we asked remember?! I can totally empathise because that's exactly how I would be reacting in your situation. Instead of thinking of it as a setback, maybe see it as a first step? Next time you can make it into the meeting; the time after that you can speak up - it's an ongoing process.

ma you are making me laugh. Have you ever read All Well and Good til Somebody Loses an Eye ? You made me think of the kick-ass Scottish heroine grin

obrigada Tue 19-Mar-13 10:43:00

Morning babes, another weekend alcohol free, had a strong urge to have a drink on Sunday night as it felt like I was the only person in Ireland not having a drink for St Patricks Day, couldn't find the remote control for the telly, gave up in the end and went to bed at 9 blush

Lemonylemon Tue 19-Mar-13 13:10:54

Afternoon ladies. You forgot me, ma........

Day 3 here. Sorry to hear that you've all had a really tough weekend. Didn't have a drink on St Patrick's Day (although I almost felt an ethnic pull there (family are Irish)).

Anyway, enough about me - onwards and upwards lovelies {HUGS}

greeneyed Tue 19-Mar-13 16:46:03

Hello lemony, sorry jump back on smile big well done for the weekend.

Well I have already decided i'm buying wine on the way home babes, just did our monthly expenses and worked out we are living over £20,000 per annum beyond our means at the moment. Will be an interesting discussion with DH tonight when i show him the figures, lets hope he agrees to pull his head out of the sand and take ownership for some of this problem rather than saying well there is nothing I can do about it at the moment and leaving me to worry about it alone.

Action time babes, I'm sorry I can't do it without wine blush

Well done to all babes managing to abstain smile
So sorry that some struggling with so much. Purple wish I could come & take your dog off you to make your life a little easier. I googled giant schnauzer & then showed dh & told him that a babe was struggling, he said no way & we have 3 cats, so hope you find him a home soon. It would make so much sense if your ex could take him especially as you said he seems to have a strong attachment to him. But I suppose his behaviour being the way it is is why he is your exP hmm
Completely agree with Curry that maybe the woman from AA was going through her issues & try not to let it get in the way of you going forward
Hugs to mouse, hope you've had a better day today & Nemo feeling a little less poorly x
Wishing all babes love & strength x

guggenheim Tue 19-Mar-13 17:20:57

Hi lovely babes,

Good to 'see' you all on this foggy day- think it's you I'm looking at...

Thinking of you all but not getting much time to post. purple - deffo what curry said. I wish I'd thought of that!

I'm not going to drink, but I keep thinking 'am I really an alckie? Maybe not. Good: then I can have a drink tonight" I sort of answer my own question there smile Really not going to drink,but I bloody well wish I could!

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Mar-13 17:22:18

<Buckles Lemony securely into a seat in the bus (the driving just lately is abominable!) then scoots back to her well worn seat in the sidecar. sad

Green Things are totally shit for you just now and finding a way through is the most important thing at the moment. Don't be sorry. £20,000 is a hefty amount. DH needs to man up and try and sort it out with you, you can't do it alone - I know, I've tried. Super huge hugs. xx

Thank you lovely Clutter I didn't meant to lay my 'dog problem' on here but it was so kind of you to try. I'm a bit astounded at the attitude of the rescue centres. I've been met with dis-interest, mild annoyance and down-right 'it's not our problem' stuff. I got so cross today, speaking to the woman at the local Dog's Trust (who said she has 50 dogs on the waiting list. Not her problem but her attitude was 'well, what do you expect?'!!) that I ended the call with "Well, I'll just have to have the dog put down then!". (I won't do that, btw) Childish but it came from total frustration.

As for AA. Tonight is my 'night off' but I really don't want to go back and face the woman that didn't wait for me. Other than that, there is a local meeting - but it's a Big Book meeting orrrrrr there's one that's a 45 min drive. I don't really want to go to that one either because, if I get on there, the travel/cost/time is prohibitive.

Hugs and love to all tonight. xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Mar-13 17:23:23

*mean

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Mar-13 17:33:17

Thanks Curry I would be saying that to someone in my situation too but I just need to gather my resolve together again. Such a wimp sometimes. xxx

<waves at Guggs >

greeneyed Tue 19-Mar-13 18:24:19

Hey purple thanks for the hug. Fuck the AA lady who is she to stand between you and your goals. Don't let her ruin things for you, or make you go out of your way. . Plan to go back, get there early, maybe call the venue find out where the room is, pit one foot infront of the other and open the door. Imagine all the babes cheering you in. Could be the greatest thing you ever do. Could just be awkward and boring but not much to lose in comparrison. X

determinedma Tue 19-Mar-13 20:00:31

Well, Dh and I finally had a talk. Well he shouted a lot. Loads and loads about dd2 and how I don't support him in how he deals with her. I said that's because I don't agree with the way he treats her and I'm not supporting something which I don't agree with etc. On the plus side I told him that I couldn't carry on any more and he seriously had to be aware of us finishing up as an option. He said OK!.....I agreed to try counselling as a very last option. He said I wouldn't listen anyway as I never do but he agreed, which is god because when it doesn't work I can go with a clear conscience that I tried. The down side is that dd2 heard it all and has packed a bag and left to go to a friends. It is snowing hard and freezing and he has driven her out. I am trying so hard not to pack and follow her but Ds is here....

determinedma Tue 19-Mar-13 21:11:21

He is showing no remorse, no concern as to whether dd has arrived at her friends or not. I hate him.
I had arranged a dinner out tomorrow with a visiting friend whom I love dearly. He is staying at a hotel and a work colleague agreed I could crash at her house after dinner with him. ( nothing dodgy, he is in his late 60s but means such a lot to me).now she is ill and I can't stay. I,m not telling dh. I will sleep in the office if needs be to get a night away.

guggenheim Tue 19-Mar-13 21:34:06

Oh ma, I'm kind of glad that you've got it out in the open. But not at all glad at the thought of you sleeping in an office.
The bit about you not listening sounds like bollocks to me. Wish I had a sensible suggestion to make, just look after yourself lovely. It was probably quite wise of your dd to go to a friend's for the night so that she's out of the situation of a bit

waves at green and purple and curry

aliasjoey Tue 19-Mar-13 21:55:57

ma big hugs to you, glad you got it out in the open. If you are splitting up I recommend Mediation which can help make the process less stressful especially with children involved.

determinedma Tue 19-Mar-13 22:00:20

Thanks.
I know when push comes to shove he will panic about us splitting up and will try every emotional trick min the book to stop it happening. My heart aches for dd. I am past really hurting anymore for me, but I hurt for her and for Ds if we split up. He loves dh.

curryeater Tue 19-Mar-13 22:25:08

Big hugs to determinedma. And to your dd.
But - things are moving. Change is good. Hold tight.

Purple - please please please don't be put off by flaky-lady. Get the help you need.
Have you tried (sorry I am sure you have) asking on here - the doghouse - about re-homing your dog? There seem to be so many dog-lovers on mn.

greeneyed good luck with that financial conversation. That money anxiety is just awful and feeling you have no one to share it with. I hope you get some resolution.

I was not remotely hungover when I called in sick on Monday and it is an ongoing, unpleasant realisation to me that drinking and hangovers are not my only problem. I am just a bit shit. But I have kind of decided to embrace that. Maybe it is ok to be a bit of an invalid. My mother was very active and very stable and had huge amounts of stamina. She worked full time in a demanding job and I do not believe she ever had a sick day. I am gradually realising how much I compare myself to her now that I am a mother and how inadequate I feel. But I have to tell myself different stories. We are different people. She wasn't emotionally available to me. She was unstoppable in her duties, and she never ever slacked off work or laundry or cooking. but I was very lost, suffered badly with bullying, loneliness, depression,eating disorders, and had no one to talk to, I was not allowed to tell her anything bad. I was a lucky girl to live in a warm house with clean clothes and 3 good meals a day, and I knew it, especially that my parents didn't fight and no one ever got hit in my house (not like some of the kids at school). but I want my girls to be even luckier. I want them to be happy. And if they get takeaway sometimes because I am a flake, if they, horrors, see that their mother is ill sometimes, sad sometimes, can't always keep trucking on, maybe I can make it up to them by understanding that they need someone to talk to. I hope. This is my hope.

greeneyed Tue 19-Mar-13 23:03:50

curry I have so much i want to say to you but can't post now, didn't want to read and run, will respond tomorrow, it IS okay in fact more than okay not to be perfect. Hugs Ma

Mouseface Tue 19-Mar-13 23:36:09

Ma Sweetheart. Well done. I'm so sad for DD. Your DH saying 'good' will be him panicking, already. He finally knows you mean it. I'm sorry it's going to be so tough for DS who's caught in the middle really but that's not your fault.

I'm nursing a very poorly boy tonight but will post more tomorrow. Stay safe Ma. On my phone so sorry for any typos. Love you Ma - the only way is forward now. With help, love and our support, you will get out, you will be free and you will find the best solution for DS. Take good care sweetheart, you have my number, day or night. Xxxxx

Hi MA, thinking about you, your situation sounds so hard for everyone just now and really feel for your poor dd. Families split up all the time and as long as your ds knows he is loved of both his parents and gets to spend quality, happy time with you both then that is probably better for him than spending time with 2 parents who are so miserable in each others company. Is there any way you could afford to stay in a b&b on Friday night so you can still enjoy seeing an old friend but not having to crash on floor of an office. It may be really good for you to have some space away from the situation?

Curry, hugs for you sweetheart, it sounds like you are putting yourself under incredible pressure. I 2nd that it is perfectly normal and good to get a take-away. We will get one occassionally as a treat and my dd loves it. I think it's also good for children to see that we are normal, we are not superhuman and life does throw problems at you.

Mouse my wee boy is really poorly too, been up since 3 with a cough and a cold an djust feeling miserable, lucky dh is on annual leave so I don't have to phone in sick (but really want to!) Hope your little nemo feels better soon, it's just the pits isn't it. Weather sucks and then George Osbourne is going to tell us how much more difficult life will be soon....suppose should't moan could always be worse!

Hugs babes with all we all cope with it's little wonder some of us need a drink to take the edge off! xx

determinedma Wed 20-Mar-13 08:16:16

thanks all and for the text mouse
I'm in the office now, and have an event to do today so cant move things forward any. got a text from dd saying it was all her fault and that she loved me. he is going to the doctor today to arrange the counselling - supposedly.
I dont have any money this week until I get paid next week and then I will start buying bits and pieces to keep here - clothes etc - and try to save a deposit for a flat rental somewhere.
I'm not going home tonight - If I cant get a bed I will sleep in the office or car. I'm not missing out on dinner with my dear friend tonight. I just know he will put his arms round me, ask "How's my lovely girl then?" and I will dissolve into a puddle. Hope he's got a waterproof shirt on.
thank you all for being here

Fairenuff Wed 20-Mar-13 08:26:39

Ma just wanted to say well done on biting the bullet and speaking out. It will be a difficult and painful time but you and your children will eventually find peace and be happy - truly, freely happy. It's worth riding out the storm.

Him saying that you won't listen, is just him making sure you know it's your fault. All your fault, nothing to do with him and you have to take 100% of the blame. It's not of course, you know that right? If he were at all reasonable he wouldn't be saying things like that. But then, if he were reasonable you wouldn't be in this this situation.

I work in a school and see lots of children go through their parents' separation. The hardest part for them is the two or three years before the split, because this is when they live with all the tension, anger, rows or silence. After the split, they seem to start to settle and become more confident and happy. With support, your ds will be fine. He can still love his dad, that is a completely different relationship and you can support it. But you don't have to suffer yourself to do so x x x

Back later babes to catch up with all the chat. Take care.

Carrie370 Wed 20-Mar-13 08:47:00

I'd like to get back on the bus, if you'll let me.

Haven't been on here since the autumn. Cycles of AFDs, caving in, drinking a bottle a night until the next time I'm strong enough to break the cycle ... and on and on and on it goes.

Enough is enough. I try to deny the harm I'm doing to myself, my family and my work, but the point has come where I have to confront this, otherwise I'll never stop pushing the self-destruct button.

I've been up since 5, reading back as far as much as possible, and remembering how fantastic this thread was for me last year, and realising, not for the first time, that I can't do this on my own.

Busy day 1 planned, in 20 minute chunks (being a bit OCD is the only way I can stop myself from drifting aimlessly through the day until wine o'clock. Will check in later, and try to catch up with you all. Sorry for the self-absorbed post x

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