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Here we go again. Dating thread 42

(1000 Posts)

Evening all. As you were.

Poppy I am so sorry to hear this I remember him chasing you, it was all him. He really, truly doesn't deserve you. Life might feel crap right now, it really isn't you are still you and just as lovely as ever. It's tough I know, but this is a glitch, you did have a good time with him and he did serve a purpose for a while but if he can't see what we can see, then off to the far side for him.

So be kind to yourself and <whispers> hugs

KirstyWirsty Wed 20-Feb-13 23:57:57

Poppy I am so sorry but is it not better to find out now ??

OWW sounds like a great day

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 00:04:33

Ehhh??? Poppy !!! I am really surprised! And what a rubbish thing to say...sorry my darling! I know what you mean about the hole after dating someone for a while. TR and I used to spend alot of time on the weekends together....but I do the cinema and dinners on my own and enjoy them...plus still see friends. Hugs my darling.

Kin I effing hate talking on the phone and refuse to do it! And yy to talking yourself out of a date. Myself and Mr Natural had a date set up but managed to 'fall out' twice beforehand until it became obvious there was no way we had any hope of compatibility and had a big textual 'showdown' ha ha.

Now The Kid...well I think he is a laid back character...we havent texted at all apart to swop numbers...very moderate number of on line messages. I might check in with him tomorrow night. I quite like it this way actually no pressure.

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 00:05:17

.....and where the bloody hell in No More!?

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 00:06:51

....of course it might mean we have sod all to talk about...ah well!

and Poppy as Ike says, it was a really rubbish thing to say.

Nomorepain Thu 21-Feb-13 01:02:52

Poppy - he sounds horrible. I know easier said than done but don't focus on him. Make your own life without him. You don't need him he was merely a nice to have that turned out not so nice!!

Well my date was good. No massive spark but maybe a slow burner. He is a little rough round the edges but a good heart and good morals. He seemed keen. We went out for more drinks but came home because all the bars were shut. An okay evening. We will see what happens from here. No strong feelings either way! But if I have a hangover I will be mad at him!!!!!

Flipper924 Thu 21-Feb-13 07:20:57

What everyone else said, Poppy, and asking you over to his to do it was just cruel. Unless you insisted on going to him, he should have come to you or suggested somewhere neutral, it's just polite.

Nomore, no strong feelings at this stage is ok. Hope your head's alright this morning.

48howdidthathappen Thu 21-Feb-13 07:26:21

Poppy I am sorry. Life stinks at times.

Well sounds like you had a good evening Nomore happy for you.

Thanks for thinking of me OWW
Had a really awful hospital visit Tuesday. My mum was very tearful, spent the whole visit with mum in my arms, soothing her like a baby until she fell asleep.She can't tell what is wrong, she tries, but it just wont come out. Very distressing.

Decided I needed a chat with Mr R&R, just wasn't getting what I needed from him. Asked him to come over last night.
Told him about my visit, cried a bit.
He said I need to be clear about what I want/need. That he is crap at reading between the lines.
I told him that he can be unwittingly selfish. Been living the single life for a long time, and that he can have the single life if thats what he wants. But he can't have his cake and eat it.
At the moment I am fragile. I need him to put me first.
He seemed to get it, admitted he hadn't really got it before.
He was lovely. Very understanding.
We shall see.

Poppysquad Thu 21-Feb-13 07:52:42

Thanks for your supportive comments. I don't think SD is horrible, and he has been quite honest about the situation.

How come other people seem to find lovely partners? How do others do it? I just seem to be sadly failing here. I am starting to doubt my ability to have a relationship. Wondering my my exH is right and I am too needy, too emotional....

Not on the right place at the moment I'm afraid. I do wonder if I should seek some more counseling. Feeling pretty low.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 08:26:13

Poppy, hold onto Juliette's wonderful comment 'you are still you and just as lovely as ever.' (Juliette, I pinch that comment to remind myself how true this is smile)

You have suffered a disappointment it is expected to feel a little miserable/low.

X

Poppy at times, either just after a split, or when we've been dating a lot but not finding anyone that clicks with us, or when we've been single for what we feel is far too long, we always tend to question ourselves. We ask why other people find lovely partners; that awful people seem to find love, so why can't we; what's wrong with us?

What you're feeling is perfectly natural. It doesn't necessarily follow you need more counselling and I would say now is not the time to think about that. Take some time to get back on a more even keel. It's often the wrong time to evaluate yourself or things when you're feeling pretty low.

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 08:45:05

Poppy what you need now is a bit of time to lick the wounds and then some structure to the days you have to yourself.

My Ex H is about to go to Cuba for 10days having just been to NewYork for a holiday all with the OW. I certainly look on at times and cannot help but think that there are just those who get very lucky indeed (in his case due to machination) he certainly does not deserve it, makes me feel really fed up sometimes and I have to actively give myself a talking to.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 08:51:53

Ike, and it is for this reason that I don't believe in Karma, as too many bad and unnecessary sad things happen to extremely good and nice people IMHO. But maybe I don't know their dark sidegrin

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:00:24

That's very true WFF.Although I have many things to be thankful for. I am sure one day I will meet a nice partner and have some holidays <just dont fancy it on my own at the mo>I guess now is not the time...

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:07:02

One of the things that is bothereing me at the mo is not being able to offer the children any sense of a nuclear family. I dont really have anybody on my sideof the family at all. The OW has a Mum, Dad and sister who dote on the kids. Sometimes I feel all I can offer is me and that feels rather insignificant at times.

I know its not but it FEELS it and also, again, a bit unfair. But the kids lap it up so I should just feel happy that, by default, they have a whole other family that cares about them (Ike dons martyr mantle...discards quickly is not becoming)

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:09:02

bothering(sp). There is a side to me though (Aqua logic here) that is not
convinced the 'nuclear' family is particularly all that great anyway...very insular..oh I dunno...

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 09:09:19

Yeah holidays are tricky.

I have been very lucky too, but would rather be on my own than with the wrong person.

And if someone doesn't consider me the best thing to have ever happened to them, then they are right for me!

In future I will be more circumspect of the men who seem 'lovely' and normal too.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 09:10:27

I have a similar situation re: family size.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 09:12:59

<sigh> aren't right for me!

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:17:49

Mmmm the exH seemed absolutely lovely ....but I knew he was 'secretive' and very able to compartmentalise and since separating has been exceedingly vile and cruel at times eg indicating that I was merely an incubator for the children, that he would get a nanny to replace meso he and the OW coul live in the house etc..but I choose not to believe that load of old bollocks now (so nerr ex H...shrug).

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 09:20:23

He is just rewriting history to justify his actions, otherwise he would have to face up to the fact that his has behaved appallingly.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 21-Feb-13 09:21:46

Maybe I should save up and buy about a dozen cats, rather than make up and CACI...

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:25:25

Oh exactly WFF but it was immensely painful to hear at the time..and shocking that he would even think to say such things.

If you you allowed yourself to believe this sort of guff it could certainly destroy all your self belief and ability to make character judgements..oh no! Why give the daft buggers the power, however this holiday and family thing is a bit of a beatch...

ike1 Thu 21-Feb-13 09:26:32

Now WFF did you read yesterdays revised post re eye-bags and CACI??? The beauticians put me right yesterday...

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