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How do you run away?

(18 Posts)
GeetTallBird Sat 16-Feb-13 18:58:10

JJS he just came round to drop off the monthly maintenance and I had to beg him to come in and see his kids as he had "his tea waiting".
Sound like a concerned dad to you?

JumpingJackSprat Sat 16-Feb-13 17:52:58

so he sees them regularly every other weekend. im no expert but my understanding is that he would be able to apply to the court to stop you going for example, to the other end of the country. you cant just decide to sever your childrens relationship with their father. i think you should probably seek legal advice.

MumVsKids Sat 16-Feb-13 12:48:05

I'd definitely go with a move to Scotland, I'd move there in a heartbeat.

The pace of life is better, quality of living is better, property is cheaper etc etc.

Ok so there aren't as many opportunities jobs wise, which is why we have never done it, but since DH has become a self employed property maintenance engineer covering plumbing and joinery, it's back in our horizons again.

Seriously, good luck. And don't think about it as running away, more as creating opportunities for you and your DCs.

grin

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 16-Feb-13 12:42:45

No, not born, just "ordinarily resident" for (I think) three years prior to application.

GeetTallBird Sat 16-Feb-13 12:25:01

Dont you have to be born in Scotland to qualify for that though ;)

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 11:59:16

I'd do it in a flash!

The way things are in England at the moment, I'd move either to Cardiff or to a city in Scotland. If you go to Scotland and nothing changes there your children will have free education at university - that's worth £27,000 for each! In Wales it's still £3,000 each per year.

GeetTallBird Sat 16-Feb-13 10:48:52

JJs he started last Jan by saying he'd have them one night a week, one weekend a month and he would read to them after school two nights a week and collect from school one night as well.
Since he moved in with his GF and her 3 kids in March last year and she had a baby, he sees his own children about every other Saturday for 3 hours, its usually due to his/her/her kids illnesses.
So he doesn't make an effort despite me pleading, asking every week for him to see them, and I have asked til I'm blue in the face (since last march) for a structured schedule when he will see them.

Hence I think I should just give up, move on, leave town. It is very sad but I think my two can kids will be happier with their structure of Mum!

It sounds like the father has little or no interest in continuing a relationship with the children, JJS.
OP, start keeping a diary of all the times he has cancelled contact and anything else nasty he has done. Because if he is a shit for the sake of it (as opposed to just lazy and inclined to ignore his children because he wants to do something more entertaining than look after them) he might start kicking up and going to court if you intend to move some distance away. However, if you can show that you have made reasonable provision for contact to continue ie offer to meet him half way for handovers etc then he can't really stop you.

JumpingJackSprat Sat 16-Feb-13 10:02:19

do you intend for your children to continue a relationship with their father?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 16-Feb-13 09:43:04

"I have a pt admin job which I could get something similar at another place I am sure."

That's probably the place to start, finding a new job. There are plenty of remote corners of England/Wales where you'd be made welcome although I can see how Inverness looks tempting smile Very best of luck

GloryWhole Sat 16-Feb-13 09:41:50

When i left my ex, i moved from England to Scotland with our then (at the time) 6 month old DD.
I had to move to Scotland due to financial circumstances as we had to move in with my parents for a bit.

I didn't realise i wasn't allowed to, but ex never contested the move and has never actually mentioned it. He has visited her once in 18 months (which was over a year ago), which i guess says it all really.

Moving away was definitely the best thing for myself and my DD. Her father is a waste of space who has very little interest in his DD, and being around him was soul destroying.

gruffalosmother Sat 16-Feb-13 09:33:17

The advice i have had from solicitor is that to move to Scotland u have to get him to agree because it is diff jurisdiction . If he doesn't agree it can go to court and if you can prove that it would be beneficial to move there ( family friends job etc) then they might let you go.

GeetTallBird Sat 16-Feb-13 09:26:14

I'm in England, I rent home with housing benefit top up and lease is up very soon. I think why not.
When ExH left he refused to pay mortgage on marital home so I had to sell it by myself, move everything out by myself and explain to children. I also lost all the money I had or will ever have.
I don't want anything to do with him ever ever again, I am utterly broken by him and I know that a fresh start will work. I have a pt admin job which I could get something similar at another place I am sure.
I did think about Inverness actually, but you think I have to stop in England?

gruffalosmother Sat 16-Feb-13 09:15:41

Sorry i should have said anywhere you like within England or Wales . If you are in diff place then im afraid don't.know the rules but speak to citizens advice type place or solicitor?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 16-Feb-13 09:15:19

Btw... it wouldn't be running away (negative). Just a very positive and constructive fresh start.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 16-Feb-13 09:14:28

Do you own your own home, rent, have a job locally? Would you be happy to put the kids in a different school? It's usually practical stuff like that that needs to be overcome when you relocate (which people do all the time). You don't have to ask his permission if that's what you're bothered about.

gruffalosmother Sat 16-Feb-13 09:13:38

If you are in England /Wales then you can move anywhere you like without permission . If you want to move abroad or to Scotland then you will need to get.him to agree or get a court to decide.

GeetTallBird Sat 16-Feb-13 09:04:54

Seriously.

ExH sticks the knife into me every opportunity, our kids are starting to say "oh well, what shall we do instead mummy?" at his "yes ill see them this weekend / no, all of a sudden I can't see them now" routine. His excuses are just pathetic.

I need a new start. I need to be away from this small town where everyone knows me and knows him and what he's doing with his new girlfriend and her enourmous family - and feels sorry for me.

I can't be doing with it anymore.
There's nothing here we need.

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