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How to build self-confidence after a break-up

(10 Posts)
Moanranger Mon 18-Feb-13 12:42:09

One obvious thing is to take a little holiday from FB. Your ex sound's a prig, and rather insecure, all this FB posting and emailing you about his so called wonderful life.
I also think men run away as they do not like to feel the guilt that ensues from dumping P or leaving Dcs. Emotional cowards.

howdidithappen Mon 18-Feb-13 11:07:10

Its equally devastating for men too. I was dumped out of the blue just after Christmas and my confidence is now rock bottom and feel pretty worthless.

Usual clichés apply, keep yourself busy and try to avoid all contact with other person. Its hard when Facebook makes searching so easy, but there really is no other way of dealing with it other than keep on keeping on. Try to surround yourself with good friends, they are invaluable at times like this. Also do you have a hobby or physical exercise that you like ? I threw myself back into cycling and got in touch with old cycling friends at that has helped immensely.

Also, and this is just my opinion, give yourself time before looking for another relationship. Get to know yourself again and enjoy being single.

Good luck!

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 15-Feb-13 20:51:27

Men always have a fab way of making us feel shit, no matter how confident, clever, beautiful we all are they can always walk off without a second glance, like me, dp has gone without a second glance not heard from him, yes its only a week but his 21 month old ds doesnt deserve his daddy to just dissapear and i dont deserve after 3 years of loving this bastard for him to not even glance back and are horrible but remember us women are worth more than 1 man will ever be x

Beograde Fri 15-Feb-13 20:32:41

It seems like there's a lot of us! I hope you're ok MySon

Beograde Fri 15-Feb-13 20:31:59

Thanks, I'm just having a bad evening, or rather a bad day, where I feel so inadequate, whereas he just seemed to wander off without a second glance, and is living a life of conferences, fellowships, publications, you know the score.

Academia is such a tough business for women, but being dumped by a fellow academic has, I think, been worse than it could have been by someone in a different profession

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 15-Feb-13 20:30:40

At the moment its a week since i told dp to leave after 3 years of mental abuse from him now ive seen him on facebook talking to one of his ex's from years ago and ive hit rock bottom all i can think is we could of made it work, what happens if he goes with someone else, what happens if he moves on blah blah blah blah feel awful at rock bottom..hugs

Teahouse Fri 15-Feb-13 20:28:06

I am an academic and always feel inadequate. I have noticed it is not unusual for women in the profession.

I am a long time lone parent so find juggling work and home almost impossible and my work suffers...waves goodbye to any proper career as I just can't publish enough with a full teaching load and all the other duties.

There must be a counselling service at your Uni...use them, it should help. And remember, few people get turned down for academic conferences so it might not be as prestigious as it is made out.

Pm me if you wish...hit rock bottom more times that I care to recall...spend most of my life bumping along the bottom but am ok right now

Beograde Fri 15-Feb-13 20:16:20

It's such a horrible feeling, isn't it? MN hugs!

A1980 Fri 15-Feb-13 20:08:37

I'm also reasonably attractive, smart, good job, etc. I've hit rock bottom after a break up too.

No advice other than you're not alone sad

Beograde Fri 15-Feb-13 17:46:06

Hi, I've posted on this really minor problem that has affected far more than it should have before. The short story is that I was duped by a bloke who I fell head over heals in love with, and rather than break all communication, I kept in communication, and I feel I was dangled with little titbits to keep me interested. The advice I was given here, and rightly, was to break all contact, which I ultimately did and I feel a lot better for it.

The email that really broke the camel's back for me was when he wrote to me, saying he'd like to write to me more, but he was so busy (not too busy to write to tell me this) and then just bragged about all these exciting things he was doing workwise. (we're academics, so it was this conference, that paper, this award, this trip here, etc). I then just realised his effect on me is like poison, it does me no good at all. I wrote to say "please don't contact me".

I've now met someone and I've been on a few dates. I'm taking it slowly, but they make me laugh, and without thinking about it too much, dating after six months is what I think I should be doing. However, just today, a mutual friend posts on Facebook, that he's going to be going to some conference in Korea in the summer. I've blocked this ex, but I see that my mutual friend has written "great ... (to this ex), see you there". Straight away, it has a ridiculous effect on me - this ex is so much better than me, he's more confident, more talented, etc, etc. I don't want to feel like this about him, and it irritates me that I feel like this.

I reckon this is just a question largely of self-esteem - but how do I build my self-esteem - I'm reasonably attractive, I'm in a good job, etc, but I sometimes just feel so inadequate.

Any advice?

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