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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

It's possible that I've been reading the relationships board for too long, but would you think this was odd?

193 replies

ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:00

DH has gone to a friends house for a gathering this evening, told me he'd probably be dropped home in the morning or at the very least about 4am.
I've just received a text saying 'Hi baby, I'm at [friend's name]'s, see you soon xx'.

It just rings wrong to me (referring to the 'see you soon', as obviously I won't be seeing him soon IYSWIM), would it cross your mind he'd sent it to you by mistake?
Our relationship hasn't been great recently, but I've had no reason to think he might be cheating. The message just seems... Odd.
I don't want to accuse anything in case I'm batshit but felt like MN was the place to come.

OP posts:

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Lulabellarama · 15/02/2013 17:02

It is a bit odd, yes.
Does he usually address you as 'baby'?

CailinDana · 15/02/2013 17:02

Does he normally call you "baby" and put xx at the end of messages?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/02/2013 17:03

Wouldn't mean anything to me, sorry. 'See you soon' is a pretty standard sign-off, isn't it? I'm pretty sure I've said 'see you soon' when I'm unlikely to see the person for months. A man who made the mistake of calling me 'baby' OTOH.... instant death.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 15/02/2013 17:05

Depends if he normally calls you baby?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 15/02/2013 17:05

Hmm, it is a bit odd seeing as you knew were he was going. It could just be he's already had a couple to drink and is missing you.

Either way I doubt you'll find out, if he was texting someone else he won't admit to it!

DuelingFanjo · 15/02/2013 17:09

text him back saying 'are you coming home early then?'

Hoaz · 15/02/2013 17:10

Well, I think see you soon can mean next week or even never, it's just a sign off, means goodbye really in lots of cases.

Key is if he usually refers to you as baby in texts. Also were you expecting him to let you know he'd arrived?

Are these gatherings a regular thing and does he usually keep these hours or are they something that has started fairly recently?

You do at least know he's at the friend's house he's supposed to be at. TBH, I think if he was cheating, it's more likely he'd be somewhere else entirely.

SwedishEdith · 15/02/2013 17:11

Hmm. How old are his friends? Are they the type to send a message like this on his phone for a "joke"?

ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:11

He'd left about 30 mins before sending the message, and friend lives about 10 mins away- fair enough, probably stopped off at the garage for cigarettes or something.
He sometimes calls me baby, but not very often anymore. I never get xx on the end of a text, usually lucky if I get one.

I don't normally get jealous so this isn't me reading into every little thing, it just seemed like a very strange text to send given the circumstances

OP posts:

SwedishEdith · 15/02/2013 17:13

Answer with "Ok,what time do you want me to get there?"?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 15/02/2013 17:14

It is a bit odd.

Any other behaviours lately or is this it? If this is all then its really probably nothing.

ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:14

I replied 'Soon? Have a good night x' and just received 'x' back.
I don't know, maybe I'm just being silly.

OP posts:

CashmereHoodlum · 15/02/2013 17:16

I wouldn't answer. It does sound odd to me. I wouldn't mention it, and would just keep an eye. What does your gut instinct say to you?

ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:17

He goes to this friend's every Friday, but in the daytime as they all work nights so it's their Friday night IYSWIM. This is the first actual evening he's been.
No other major behaviours, but he never wants to spend time with me and I always feel on egg shells around him (I've had previous threads, he's not violent towards me or anything, just nasty at times).

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 15/02/2013 17:19

I'm sorry to say that it seems a bit fishy

betterthanever · 15/02/2013 17:20

Does he normally let you know he has arrived somewhere you know he is going to,30 mins after he has left you?
Oh no hun, what a horrid situation. I am not one of the wise ones on this board really but why were you not invited to this `gathering' too?

MarilynValentine · 15/02/2013 17:21

Yes that's weird.

I mean, he told you where he was going already, right? So there was no need to tell you again 20 mins later...

Inertia · 15/02/2013 17:22

Did he leave from yours, or straight from work? I'd think it odd that he sent the text to say he'd got there if he'd previously been at home with you, unless it was a long or awkward journey.

If he'd gone there straight from work, he might have sent it just to remind you he was going straight out and not to expect him back.

However, the extra info about walking on eggshells, nastiness, not wanting to spend time with you coupled with the text would make me suspicious.

Hoaz · 15/02/2013 17:23

Hmm, in that case it does sound a bit odd. The other thing I wondered about is, who's likely to drop him home at 4am if they're all drinking?

Do you know his friend's DP? Could you call for a chat, or invite her over for a glass of wine as you're both on your own tonight?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 15/02/2013 17:23

Would it be possible to ring the friends house tonight with an excuse to quickly check something with him? If I was the paranoid type then I'd be thinking he's gone to his friends first and is then planning on heading to his secret mistresses house, so I'd ring quite late at around midnight maybe.

It could just be a daft text from him though.

CheckpointCharlie · 15/02/2013 17:23

Hello mate, hhhm, being honest that might make me feel the same way. The text he sent back sounds ok though, he might have taken a while to respond if there was anything dodgy going on.

Hope it's all ok x

AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 17:23

Forget the text

You walk on egg shells because he is nasty to you

Why are you with him?

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betterthanever · 15/02/2013 17:25

Just seen your other post re people working nights. So is this gathering usually all male? if so, get someone he doesn't know to door knock in a bit and pretend to be some... survey person or something and see if there are females there. You know him best and if this seems out of the ordinary behaviour it probably is.

MadBusLady · 15/02/2013 17:25

He sent that 30 mins after leaving on a routine local drive? That is a bit strange, yes, unless you usually keep each other updated on movements. I might send a text like that if I'd just driven an hour in the snow and DP had been worried when seeing me off.

BigBoPeep · 15/02/2013 17:25

sounds a little fishy to me too if he's not in the habit of calling you baby and putting xx's on texts to you...But, not a lot to get crazy about. Think I'd just sit on it for a while and be a bit more alert. Not wanting to ruin a relationship but equally, if he IS up to something...better to find out and move on one way or another IMO.

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