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Is anyone else sick of being berated by their children for daring to be happy,sing, dance or pretty much breathe

(51 Posts)
ledkr Spain Fri 15-Feb-13 10:20:01

My dd1 who is 11 seems to continuously put me down for anything I do. If I sing in the car she tells me off and I was even moaned at for looking at underwear in asda.
Just now I was dancing with the baby in the lounge and got a great big "mum stop it" then sang a line if "row the boat" to which she raised her voice and sang a louder line.
It sounds stupid but its really getting to me. I am naturally quite loud and muck about a lot which my ds's always found amusing.
She's crying upstairs now because I told her I'm going to be miserable and boring from now on when she's around which included not taking her swimming later in case I'm caught out having fun hmm

mummytime Belgium Fri 15-Feb-13 10:22:32

Just ignore it.

Teenagers find their parents embarrassing for existing. They have to learn to cope. Try not to embarass in public, but do what you like (within reason) in private.

I'm surprised she wouldbe seen with you at the swimming pool.

HilaryClinton Fri 15-Feb-13 10:22:47

"I told her I'm going to be miserable and boring" bit passive aggressive surely. Was that the very best you could do?

ledkr Spain Fri 15-Feb-13 10:24:29

Oh fgs hilary that's. great help thanks

irrationalme Fri 15-Feb-13 10:26:17

is she envious of the baby?

You have just punished her by taking your love away, instead of asking her why she feels cross when you are happy

ddsmellysocks Fri 15-Feb-13 10:26:42

seriously it's just what kids do are you sure she isn't saying it just for something to say? It will pass next she will hate you for no reason at all. Then before you know it she will be in the bestest friends phase... well that one's not guaranteed actually but hopefully it will come along. My kids used to tell me off all the time now they praise me - unless they are trying reverse psychology that is??

Helltotheno Fri 15-Feb-13 10:28:19

Don't take it to heart! I love those moments.. Cue me singing louder esp songs from the 80s and 90s and dancing more! Then I plant a big smackeroo on my DD's cheek just so I can enjoy the exaggerated <rolleye>....

It's not meant to be hurtful. It's a parent's job to be embarassing at times! Just ignore if you don't want to do anything else... just as effective.

purrpurr Fri 15-Feb-13 10:28:30

'Was that the very best you could do?' You'd know about passive aggression obvs, Hilary, get back in your cage. Deary me.

Ledkr, don't be miserable and boring! It must be a right pain but the solution can't be to change your behaviour or let it upset you. What about when she's 14 and decides she hates you (If that happens)? Ducks back, water, roll, etc. Mm duck spring roll.

Mollydoggerson Fri 15-Feb-13 10:28:59

I think kids crave all of their mum's attention and if you are singing and having fun then they are not the centre of attention. Not really sure what the answer is, sounds like a headwreck allright.

Would she die of embarrasment if you said, 'I'm just so happy because I love you all so much'.

ledkr Spain Fri 15-Feb-13 10:32:40

Thanks. I think I just feel sad that its come to this. I brought her up alone until she was five and we've always been close but she seems to despise me at the moment.
I haven't withdrawn my love I've told her I won't be so embarrassing anymore around her and the swimming trip is something we do a lot I just feel she's been so rude over the last few days that she doesn't deserve it.
We get plenty of time without baby we went to the cinema yesterday and I took her on holiday alone last year too.
I don't think it needs over analysing tbh I just wanted to compare notes with others and get some tips.
I'm just struggling with the changes I guess as she starts to grow up.

AngryFeet Fri 15-Feb-13 10:39:29

Sorry but you are being silly and oversensitive. My DC always moan at me singing etc and I just laugh. Kids get embarrassed/annoyed. Her feelings count too. She just needs to learn she isn't the centre of the universe so can't have everything her own way. Just tell her that don't punish her for how she feels.

colditz Fri 15-Feb-13 10:40:58

She's eleven years old, don't take a blind bit of notice of her. She's upstairs crying because you bollocked her for being rude? Good. Well done you. She might think twice before being rude again.

ouryve Fri 15-Feb-13 10:41:38

Mealtimes with our 9 year old are usually much like Festivus. Last night, he was sat, with a piece of Broccoli in each hand, shoving it in his mouth and demanding that we tell him why DS2 never uses his fork. The boy can rant for England.

Wallace Fri 15-Feb-13 10:42:17

I think 11 is a very difficult age for girls. I have one myself...

If it helps I was singing this morning and my 2 year old put his hands over his ears and said "No Mummy. No songs! Stop!"

wordyBird Fri 15-Feb-13 10:47:16

By observation, I'd say they all do that; but the good news is, they grow out of it reasonably fast.

They are in their own world at that age, very self reflective and self absorbed, and any adult they are vaguely associated with can get similar treatment! It's a bit disheartening.

My view is that they need to learn to think of others' feelings as well as their own ego, and make an effort to keep their contempt in check. Easier said than done: but warning that you will be boring etc is a good start. Adults' side of the bargain is to be low key with the offspring when in public. I do think it's a horrible phase though. Take heart, you will have a lovely dd back in time.

lazarusb Fri 15-Feb-13 10:47:38

DD is 12 and exactly the same. It's the end of the world if her dad and I kiss. But I have a 23 year old ds too who was exactly the same (for about 5 years)! He got through it, so did we. He even told me how lucky he was to have me as his Mum when he was 19 and we've had a great relationship ever since. Whatever you do when they're 11/12/13 you'll be embarrassing grin

amillionyears Fri 15-Feb-13 10:49:13

She will probably be embarassed by you for a few years to come.
Welcome to preteens.

I think, fwiw, that you may have to tone it down a bit, especially when you are with her in public.
But dont lose your own personality.
And in the home, you shouldnt have to tone it down much at all.

Timetoask Fri 15-Feb-13 10:50:54

I am hmmm a little old and I can STILL remember how much it annoyed me when my mum sang. It was like hearing someone scratch glass, no idea why. I suggest you try to keep the peace and avoid doing it when she is around.

DowntonTrout Fri 15-Feb-13 10:55:01

Yes DD 11yo finds everything I do and say embarrassing.

She thinks I can't sing. I have sung in stage productions.

She hates me dancing. I trained and danced professionally.

She thinks I know nothing. I was top 1% in the country at 11+.

She has no concept that I was young and cool once, ( if i say cool she says "don't ever say that again!") was a model, travelled the world, appeared in magazines, on tv, in pop videos, etc. she sees a 44 year old woman who looks like very other mum at the school gates.

And that is what I am. Sometimes I feel a twinge of sadness but mostly I just sing louder grin

Floggingmolly Fri 15-Feb-13 10:58:12

You're supposed to be embarrassing to your children, it's like a developmental stage. It'll pass. In about 10 years or so. grin

ledkr Spain Fri 15-Feb-13 11:00:32

Thanks everyone. I do know I'm being over sensitive btw which is why I posted on here for perspective.
Don't get me wrong I don't boogie down the high street or sing on the bus I may well buy some pants though <shock horror>
I have three adult sons and they were not like this.
Fwiw I was once a singer so can sing and so can she but could be some rivalry there on her part maybe.
She has written me a letter to say sorry sad

Cakethrow Fri 15-Feb-13 11:00:32

My 3 year old already gives me the eye roll or the 'stop it mummy' when I sing/dance etc and she's not in the mood!

I can remember how awful my mum'sand singing along to queen with the headphones on, while ironing was - truly terrible! (Sorry mum if you're reading this as I will have well and truly outed myself!)

My brother and me also couldn't stand the noises dad made when he ate and made a massive deal about it.

It's just par for the course of being a parent so you should start to enjoy it instead! grin

Geeklover Fri 15-Feb-13 11:02:44

I remember being mortified if my mum sang and my dad mucked about. My dad was forever telling me it was written on the small print on my birth certificate that my parents had to be embarrassing. I hated it. Everyone else thought my parents were cool.
Now I'm that parent.
I do think you might be taking it a little bit to heart. You are in for a lot more years of her being embarrassed by you. Children don't like to see us as human beings and certainly we aren't ever seen as a little bit cool.
We are supposed to be grown up and boring and I think they'd be happy if we lived in a box unless they need something from us.

ledkr Spain Fri 15-Feb-13 11:04:10

downton I danced too (musical theatre) I don't even talk about it tbh. She asked me once about a time step and I showed her. She slunk off muttering under her breath
Ds had a place at the royal and I remember hearing some parents bitch about how "his mother helped him" if only they knew eh?

SundaysGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 11:06:40

Argh my six year old already tells me to stop singing. It actually seems to pain the poor child. And there was me thinking I sounded like a beautiful songbird! grin

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