This could be long as I want to give you the whole picture so I can get the best advice from you all.
I have been with H for just over 6 years, married just over 2 and have a 22 month old DD. H is from ME but lives in UK (all my family in UK too). Most of his family are in ME however he has a couple of cousins and a Brother in Europe.
Brother in was arrested a year ago as he stupidly transported drugs between two countries and after failed appeals he has been sentenced to 7 years in prison. He has a European wife and 3 kids (7,5,and 18 months).SIL got in touch to inform H, about a month after (this was first we knew about situation) and she asked for money to help out while she applied for help form the government. She asked for 1,500 Euros and I stupidly persuaded H to send it (he was going to send half) as I felt bad for her.
A month after she asked for another 200 Euros and asked for my H to send 200 Euros a month saying i need to buy milk and food for children. H spoke with his brothers and it was decided that between them they would do this to help her out.
In the summer an old friend of H got in touch and said that she basically spent money like it grew on trees. Apparently she was given 5000 Euros probally earned from previous drug runs that a friend was keeping for my BIL an had managed to spend it in around 4 months on designer belts costing 100 euros each for her two eldest and various other shit. H has spoken to BIL since his arrest and apparently she made huge demands on him for money and this is why he turned to transporting drugs so he could keep her happy (not so happy now eh?)
I am disgusted with SIL, BIL wants to be with her and has asked his brothers to send her the 200 Euros a month. I think they should not but not my decision. She is very patchy with contact. will only really call or answer/return calls when it is nearing start of the month (when money is sent) or if she wants extra money. I have voiced my opinion to H about her on many occasions but it seems that everyone is willing to ignore the fact that she is partly to blame foe BIL being in prison. She had 5000 Euros and pissed it up the wall instead of taking the 200 Euros she needs every month, putting financial pressure on the family in ME, as they don't have much money and on H and I as well.
H has just returned from visiting her and the DNs for a few days. I did not want to go despite him practically begging me to.
About a month ago H opened a FB account as a couple of family members in ME have one and were pestering him to open one too so they can share pics as we only see them once or maybe twice a year. SIL also has a FB account and they are friends on it. H recently got a new car and he had taken some pics and he asked me today to put them on FB as his Brother and Nephew wanted to see it. I snooped and saw a private message from SIL to H saying ' I am sorry for my action. I am feel I am alone. It was me and I hope you still speak with me' . H has written back, 'I know you are lonely but only I can control my actions. I will call you tomorrow night after 9.'
SIL English is not the best and the message is not very direct so some guess work is needed but if what is going on in my head is correct this is so screwed up. H has his own business and works 4pm-3am, we have cameras which we can view from home pc. I was watching camera from just before 9 and H was on phone from 9:15 until 9:30 in the upstairs storage/staff area (so alone). If only we had microphones too.
If i mention SIL it more often than not turns to bickering so I am thinking sneak his phone tomorrow morning and see the number he was calling which still won't be 100% he clued her as he uses a calling card to phone her and other family members so just the calling card number will showed up as being called and that could be to anyone. Then ask him- which will cause argument based on me guessing.
Or do I still check phone but wait it out and keep an eye for any more messages?
It is unusual for him to leave shop floor for a call and I did get a valentines card and present (nothing big) but he hardly remembers valentines/birthdays and would forget his DOB if it was not on his passport!
What would you wise ladies do?
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Confront or wait? Possibly very screwed up situation.
21 replies
loveawispa · 14/02/2013 22:45
OP posts:
crescentmoon ·
15/02/2013 07:11
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crescentmoon ·
15/02/2013 08:31
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