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IVF and Losing DH ....

(27 Posts)
IThinkIKnowBestBut Wed 13-Feb-13 16:23:01

Have namechanged as this is a sensitive subject.

Have been with DH for 15 years, since we were both 18.
It was a love at first sight kind of thing, and we got married at 23.
Still happy now. In fact, I worship the ground he walks on, and feel it's reciprocated.

So why the post on relationships board?

Well we found out a while back we both have fertility issues that would need treatment with IVF.

When we were 18 we were besotted, and to be frank I can't remember having any conversations prior to marriage about kids.
We found we both had severely compromised fertility a few years after we starting trying at 23 after marriage, all hunky dory we thought, with images of children and kodak moments and the like.

It took a while to get through it, and it took a while for the fact we'd need IVF to sink in.

I do not want IVF. I see the heartache people go through, it not working, then it works and they have children and all the feelings that come from that.

I might be protecting myself I know, but having had quite a few years to think about it (we left it a few years trying naturally before we went to the docs) so I probably sound quite clinical and not emotional

He insists he only wants me. To be frank, in realilty if one of us was 'normal' the likely hood of a natural pregnancy would be alot higher, so we both have responsibility.

I can't take having IVF and decided against children.

I feel like I am taking an option away from my husband.
Does this sound bad: IVF involves alot of invasiveness for the woman and all the man has to do is sample into a cup.

Of course that doesnt include emotions which are srtong for both parties.

I just don't want to be 50 years old, dumped for someone else who has/wants kids (she I assume would be younger) and I am left alone and childless.
Am I a selfish cow.

foodtech Fri 15-Feb-13 23:13:02

I can understand how you feel. We've been TTC 4 years now with 1 miscarriage and 2 IVF's in that time. We were told after our last cycle our only hope is donor eggs and I just can't do it. Feel we have been through so much and just want to be with my DH who has been amazing.

Feel so guilty though as feel I should at least try for my DH but can't do it all again. It's too hard. He wants to try with DE which hurts so much as I feel like such a failure being unable to give him this. I'm only 29 and know we have time to decide but am terrified this will break us apart.

Please consider counselling, we went after our last failed cycle and it did help. It's such an emotive and heartbreaking subject that having someone to listen helps sort out crazy feels and thoughts.

Sorry for the ramble.

VenusRising Mon 18-Feb-13 11:48:00

Some lovely supportive posts on here OP, and glad your partner is so supportive.

It's the great untold story in my book: the TTC roller coaster.

Counselling will help your tease out your feelings on this, and help you understand and support each other, whatever your decision is.

For me IVF was just a step too far, and, maybe miraculously, we conceived without any intervention- I feel so blessed to have our DC.
However, we made a conscious decision not to try even for another one, as we were aware how draining TTCing is. We got a cat instead!

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