Have name changed as don't want to out myself.
Background: Have been married 12 years. 3 dc, eldest of which is disabled and so I am a SAHM and carer for last 11 years.
2 years ago I found out my husband likes to dress as a woman. He decided to come clean about it all and was relieved when I said I was OK with it all. However, I don't think I have ever been OK with it at all. I have since seen his alter ego and he sometimes dresses as her (about once a month). I find I cannot look at him/her but I try not to show this. Recently he has been sleeping in corsets and feminine sleepwear as well. I panic that my children will walk in and discover him as a woman and what will happen then.
I love my husband but since this revelation I have no interest in DTD and actively avoid it by staying up later than him. I do cave sometimes but it is not the same anymore. When he is dressed as a woman he still tries to stroke my arm and cuddle me on the sofa but I find this horrendously uncomfortable as I don't think it is my husband next to me. He is a great husband, helps out around the house, cooks, irons and he is pretty good with the kids as well, he is also the sole income provider in our family.
I don't know what to do, I feel like my marriage is over but I don't want it to be. If I hadn't found out about this secret I would still be perfectly happy in this marriage. I cannot tell anyone else about this as I am too embarrassed and don't want him to be 'outed'.
We are not wealthy and if we separated we could not afford 2 homes on 1 wage. I cannot work due to caring for my eldest dc and we have no savings so financially splitting up is not an option. He says he has always been this way and knew from quite young that he liked dressing as a woman, he does not want to be a woman though. This means he deliberately deceived me before we married and for the first 10 years of our married life to a point where I now have no options.
I feel trapped in a closet not of my own making. Help.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husband is transexual and I don't know what to do
RealWoman · 13/02/2013 10:35
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