Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do I hide my disgust at colleagues' affair?

(106 Posts)
BipBipBipBipBipBipBip Tue 12-Feb-13 19:37:54

Name changed as I cannot be outed over this..

Two people I have to work with are fucking. I know this as she confirmed it to my (reliable) friend and colleague while drunk at Christmas. However, it's pretty much an open secret. They have lunch together, meet up before work as well as their after work shag. (I presume they shag anyway.)

She's 35, single. He's early forty something I think, married, three children, youngest is one.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to hide my revulsion at their affair. I have a young DC myself and find myself feeling horrific for his wife at home with the children while he fucks his subordinate.

Yes- it's none of my business, I know. But I can't stand what they're doing. How do I keep it all in? Is their affair unprofessional in itself?

Does anyone else have similar experience and can share what they did?

Selba Thu 14-Feb-13 00:00:12

and I agree with get off your high horse but apparently that means I have had affairs .
what an utterly bizarre extrapolation

Abitwobblynow Thu 14-Feb-13 05:55:24

it's nonsense that there is a contradiction here between "kill the bastard" and "live and let live'

Denial is such a wonderful thing. It you deem it not to exist, you don't have to think about it!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 14-Feb-13 06:44:57

Denial?? hmm This is quite the opposite, surely. i.e. we all live in the real world where people do bad things. If the boss and his girlfriend were regularly propping up the local bar and then driving home drunk, the OP would be quite entitled to call in the cops. If they had their fingers in the till, ditto. If their affair is causing one or the other to compromise the business, show favouritism or some other material effect, then it might be time to leap in. But this is, as the OP correctly stated at the outset, none of their business. It's a private matter.

What if the OP was a member of a group that frowned on homosexuality and discovered the boss was gay? They'd probably be just as professionally offended at the immorality of the situation ... would it give them the right to sound off at work?

amillionyears Thu 14-Feb-13 07:51:34

Abitwobblynow, from what I can remember, I think I often agree with your posts.

But I think you are wide of the mark this time.
There are thousands of individuals on MN, as well as a few groups.
For your pov to be correct, I think you would have to know that the exact posters that do quite often say "leave the b......", are some of the same ones on here saying "turning a blind eye".
And even then, as in life, there are sometimes exceptional circumstances where even the most consistent people think that, well actually, a general rule that they hold does not apply this time.

flowery Thu 14-Feb-13 07:56:08

I don't think there's inconsistency at all.

If it were the cheater's wife posting I would not advise her to turn a blind eye

If it were someone with a close personal relationship with the cheater's wife I would not advise them to turn a blind eye.

But this is someone with no personal involvement at all, who just knows these people through work. What should she do other than turn a blind eye? Form an opinion, sure. Express it to them or anyone else? No.

practicality Thu 14-Feb-13 10:47:00

Well......one way of dealing with this may be to approach the married boss. He is the skank in this situation as he is the person who has made vows to his wife.

You could go in and say you are sorry to hear he has broken up with his wife and you are impressed with how well he is coping at work considering the strain he must be under. He will in all likelihood say he hasn't split from his wife and wherever did you get that idea from. At that point you can bluster and apologise and let him know you understood him to be in a relationship with x owing to what she has said. It may help nip it in the bud and allow you to offload. The reality check may help him consider the morality of his behaviour for himself.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now