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Practicalities

(66 Posts)
Mosman Tue 12-Feb-13 06:56:45

So it would seem my husband has tripped over and landed dick first in somebody else's vagina.
Being the practical type usually but currently curled up in a ball, what are the practicalities of these situations please ?
THank you

Hopasholic Mon 08-Apr-13 20:34:55

He won't change.

He's made his own choices, what a load of bollocks re good & bad side of him. He's trying to mess with your head, don't let him hon.

akaWisey Mon 08-Apr-13 14:26:48

No they wouldn't. Don't lose your resolve now Mosman, he's spinning this line because he senses he's royally fucked up.

Sorry, this 'jekyll/hyde' fantasy explanation just doesn't cut it. You could just as easy posit the 'cake-and-eat-it' rationale for his sleazy behaviour.

Stay strong and keep coming here. smile

Mosman Mon 08-Apr-13 12:24:19

He says there's a good husband and a bad single side of him and in the past the bad guy has been over riding the good husband and that he can change.
I've asked him to move out no matter what the cost.

Hopasholic Mon 08-Apr-13 10:10:40

No hon they really wouldn't. Shagging her on your birthday sounds like he was really sticking two fingers up at you. Seeking out his next shag while all the while you were preparing to move to the other side of he world? Cut your losses? What losses? He's a poor excuse of a man and you sound lovely. He does not deserve you. You deserve much much better.

Mosman Mon 08-Apr-13 09:50:39

Just reread this to focus my mind. I've tried coffees with him, heart to hearts, it's not getting any easier/better so I feel it's time to cut my loses and to hell with the consequences.
I'm I missing something really important.
The long story short is 2004 web caming, loads of emails and then a coffee meeting with her in Manchester.
Followed by a online affair which lead to him driving from Manchester to Brighton to fuck T in a hotel, he did this again but spent 2 nights with her and a day walking hand in hand on the beach.
The final one being an affair over 9 months including her in a hotel on my actual birthday.
Having emigrated to Australia he went ahead of me and the kids to try and find work and utilised his time by joining ok Cupid and meeting a girl for a couple of drinks in Sydney.
I'm writing this all out so my resolve doesn't waver. Nobody in their right mind would give him another chance would they ?

pictish Sat 16-Feb-13 23:17:14

Oh..lol..lol.
What's he like eh?
Just get over it for fuck's sake. Nobody's perfect!











confused

Mosman Sat 16-Feb-13 22:46:12

I know - nobody's perfect apparently lol

pictish Sat 16-Feb-13 21:26:16

OP he is like that about your brother's anger, because he doesn't fundamentally think he has done anything wrong.

Happygoluckylady Sat 16-Feb-13 21:21:16

Very rough on you. Hope you manage to sort things out.

Mosman Sat 16-Feb-13 19:46:19

More drip feeding, apparently number 4 he did three times, of course this only was confessed to when he thought I was about to call her.
He got quite angry tonight when i told him my brother wants to kill him, apparently if that's my attitude then we'll just sort out the kids and that's that.

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 12:52:25

Yeah really, telling HIM if he needs to talk they are there despite me asking me asking can I talk to them to ask around dates, times.
You see the thing is the time frames bother me, we were trying and conceived our 4th child just a few months after this happened.
So what i want to know is whilst i was injecting my stomach full of drugs to make our baby happen was he booking into hotel rooms and banging the tart ?

HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 15-Feb-13 12:37:54

Amazing how many people are on team him though

On team him, really? Or just the somewhat spineless variety of people who "don't want to take sides", or say things like "Well, you never know what really goes on in behind closed doors" or "To each their own"... Anything, really, to avoid having to deal with the real mess of human emotions. Anything for a quiet life. The kind of people who would really rather than you didn't upset the apple cart.

Let them. Their behaviour is no reflection on you. You are entitled to deal with a selfish lying cheat with whatever degree of firmness you choose.

pictish Fri 15-Feb-13 12:23:30

You go for your life.
You've got a lot to think about. x

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 12:10:59

Thank you that means a lot grin
I know it's early in the UK but i'm half way through a bottle of wine grin

pictish Fri 15-Feb-13 12:09:07

It's not that surprising. There's plenty of people that will skim over his behaviour. He's a red blooded man after all. He knows he's make a mistake. He loves you really and the kids are his world. Etc etc.
Anything to support the illusion of a naughty boy who needs a slap on the wrist, rather than the reality of him being a self indulgent liar, whose core values are abhorrent.

Well...it's not much I'll grant you OP, but I'm on team you. There's no excusing him.

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 11:50:24

Amazing how many people are on team him though - quite surprising tbh

Really sorry to hear about this op. So glad you've caused him a lot of upset with his friends and family - it is no more than he deserves. angry

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 11:24:32

WE are in Perth, his parents are in the UK.

pictish Fri 15-Feb-13 11:21:50

No you're quite right.
Can you sling him out of the family home?
Could he go to his parents?

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 11:19:40

I need his visa I don't know what would happen if he took me off the application you see, my children could stay and I couldn't

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 11:18:42

The clarity is going nowhere if anything i'm getting beyond the fog, I've called her at work to let her know she was one of many and needs to get to the STD clinic lol
I've caused him a lot of upset with his friends and family, so i'm working through the anger stage and coming through the grief stage.
Wedding and engagement rings are off, now it's just a case of timing.
No point in making myself homeless and handing him it all on a plate is there ?

pictish Fri 15-Feb-13 10:45:11

I'd bail if I were you...while the clarity is there.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 15-Feb-13 10:44:49

Would your employer take you back?

Would it financially make sense for you to do so in case of a forthcoming split?

I admire the level head you have on your shoulders only 4 days in. Amazing.

Mosman Fri 15-Feb-13 10:23:02

I know you ARE right I really do pictish, having sat down and done the maths I am not going to come out of this very well.
So no not really salvaging more biding my time, playing the game I guess.
I'd literally just resigned from my job because it was too hard keeping the balls in the air, full time job and him not doing 50% usual story.

pictish Fri 15-Feb-13 10:08:57

Fucking fucking hell. He wants you to stop with all this now does he?
I am aghast.

Right so...your dh is a serial cheat. He blames you for one of his episodes as he wasn't getting enough attention. The other times were just...you know....whatever.

How utterly atrocious. You cannot be serious about trying to salvage this marriage, surely? He will not keep his cock to himself. He'll just get better at hiding it. You are on a hiding to nothing with this dick.

Sorry...strong words. I am just appalled. I really am.

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