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New beginning. Dating thread 41

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Mon 11-Feb-13 23:22:56

Dating chit chat here smile

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 11:01:48

Joyless, maybe look for someone nearer if you want something serious. Just out of interest, why are the 2 birds in the hand not suitable for something more serious?

OhWesternWind Tue 12-Feb-13 11:17:38

She sounds nice, Bant - definitely potential there.

Joyless, for me it would be really difficult to sustain anything more than a casual thing with that amount of travelling. But it depends what you want and what the rest of your schedule's like. If you're not daunted by the thought of it, why not meet up and see how it goes?

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:20:47

Yes, I realise it seems bonkers and you're probably right Scrazy.

As to the birds in the hand (I like that): from a passive point of view, neither are available/looking for something serious. Mr Unavailable is married, his children have SN and he is committed to stay until they are adults. Mr Normal's life is in flux and his mother died a few weeks ago after a sudden illness. From my point of view, Mr Unavailable has somewhat racist tendencies and Mr Normal is very sweet but a bit homely.

I find the only way an FWB works is if you both have good reasons for it being limited in that way.

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 11:23:57

Oh bollocks.

I very rarely google or FB-stalk someone I'm going to meet for a date. But I just looked on FB for LolGirl, and she's friends with the Artist. I think they both live in the same village. It's like a mafia down there, all interconnected...

So.. Knowing that they're 'friends' on FB, and apparently just became friends in the last 6 weeks.. Should this put me off?

There was a debacle with the Artist hearing third hand through an ex-colleague, also living in her village, that I'd asked his ex out via OD before we'd actually met each other and she threw a hissy fit.

Everyone knows everyone else through 3 degrees of separation, but the fact she just became friends with the Artist in the last 6 weeks, that's just a bit weird.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:32:57

OWW it probably does suit me as I'm very tied up with the demands of my training course (which is part-time but being done on top of working full-time), so I'm not looking to see someone except when its pre-planned. Rather depends whether he's content with that though ... so far, he says so. We're planning a meet but my weekends are full till the last one this month, so he might find that too long ...

SweetSeraphim Tue 12-Feb-13 11:34:13

Oooh Bant. I would stay away, tbh, there is weirdness going on there.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:36:28

Hmmmm, are you worrying if the Artist will turn up on date 1 as well Bant? I'd be inclined to think of it as just a co-incidence myself, but if you're concerned, you could just ask (although you'd have to admit to having stalked grin )

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 11:36:56

Joyless, Oh I see as long as your are cool with it.

Bant, sounds a bit odd and it could be they have met and are comparing notes. Who got in touch with who first, if L sent the first message I would be suspicious.

FlorentinePogen Tue 12-Feb-13 11:41:33

So.. Knowing that they're 'friends' on FB, and apparently just became friends in the last 6 weeks.. Should this put me off?

So there's a possibility that L'Artiste is advising Ms.Lol ?
Ooh, stalker alert !

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 11:41:55

hmmm suspicious...I'd be a bit dubious.

FB told me the other day that a friend of mine (A) was also friends with my DH's ex girlfriend. Bit weird I thought, didn't know they knew each other. Got chatting and it turned out that she wasn't actual friends with his exg at all, another mutual friend of ours had asked friend A to befriend DH's exg on FB because her husband had an affair with the exg's sister and she wanted to keep tabs on her through FB shock

So I would normally say don't be paranoid but as we're all in our late 30s early 40s and teenage stuff like that is still going on, maybe its best to be cautious.

Bant - I would avoid if it were me

FlorentinePogen Tue 12-Feb-13 11:49:40

FB told me the other day that a friend of mine (A) was also friends with my DH's ex girlfriend. Bit weird I thought, didn't know they knew each other. Got chatting and it turned out that she wasn't actual friends with his exg at all, another mutual friend of ours had asked friend A to befriend DH's exg on FB because her husband had an affair with the exg's sister and she wanted to keep tabs on her through FB

Is this a plotline from the next John LeCarre tome ? confused

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 11:50:34

Scrazy tbh, I was looking for serious when I met both. Mr Unavailable was one of those mad sexual sparks that watch spoke of with Goatboy. But he told me his personal circumstances before we DTD and I accepted it on that basis. We do keep very firm boundaries though and he is aware I see other people. With Mr Normal the sex was surprisingly good but I couldn't see the material for a relationship, so when his life hit the skids, I suggested FWB and he was delighted to accept. Again, very boundaried ... both phone/text but only as a build-up to meeting up - if it were otherwise, I'd quickly discuss to see what had changed.

I'm also fortunate in having a number of platonic males amongst my good friends, with whom I can not only do social stuff but who are caring towards me, supportive and/or affectionate when its needed. So I have my needs met, just from differing sources. I'd love ... just absolutely love having all my needs met by one person, but till then ...

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 11:55:56

well I'm not actually friends on FB with the Artist, I really didn't want to let her into my life that much - seeing pictures of my kids, my family etc, after only two weeks. It felt like she was just too full on, I didn't want to invite more full-on-ness.

And if Lolgirl has only just become FB friends with the Artist, surely they wouldn't know each other well enough to hatch a co-stalking plan, would they? If they'd been friends for years maybe..

This whole "becoming FB friends in the last 3 weeks, then she viewed and winked at me 8 days ago." - that does smack of weird coincidence I suppose.

It's not unusual that she winked at me. I get quite a few of them, although not usually from women I fancy.

Bant Tue 12-Feb-13 12:01:04

okay. Good points in LolGirls favour. She's attractive, 5 years younger than me, has kids a little older than mine and doesn't seem desperate for more, is funny and likes music. Doesn't seem too full on although did send a disappointed mail saying she hoped she hadn't offended me when I hadn't replied to an email in two days - which is completely understandable.

Bad points. She types LOL and uses lots of exclamation marks. She's 'friends' with someone who I know to be a bit stalkerish and over-the-top, and potentially knows lots of other people I know due to the village-mafia thing.

She suggested the place to meet for our first date - the same place I suggested to the Artist back in December. But it's a nice place..

Not really enough to cancel a date, really, is it? Her good points outweigh the bad ones.

Bant - it could be coincidence. Some of us do have suspicious minds. Some of us have lived in villages and know just how incestuous it can be. I would be wary as it just smacks of having the potential for drama.

JoylessFucker Tue 12-Feb-13 12:03:09

Ah ... LOLgirl made first contact. I see your concern ...

I go back to "just ask", but then I regretted the only instance of not giving someone a chance to explain.

ike1 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:05:45

Put it this way Bant if you had been dating someone in MY village I would probably know about it! Joyless I agree on the travelling relationship....not sure about 4.5 hours though...that would be too far and probably too expensive..

NcNcNcNc Tue 12-Feb-13 12:16:28

Florentine - unfortunately not, could be next Jeremy Kyle though I think grin

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 12-Feb-13 12:19:11

Bant tread carefully, I think something is odd there...

'He' is gorgeous, met on Match, I am scared shitless, it might actually work out! smile

Just a nice, dependable, kind man.

Unknown territory. (Breathe WarmFuzzy, breathe)

Scrazy Tue 12-Feb-13 12:20:09

Bant, I would be very suspicious but it's your call.

Joyless, I cannot do FWB anymore, my view of it is skewed as I got my fingers burnt recently. I suppose I have done it in a fashion in the past but usually with people long distance and enjoyed a few and far between night out with them with benefits. The last one who lived nearer was enjoying all the advantages of being in a relationship with the freedom to take the piss do what he wanted with other women. I couldn't cope with it and he said a few times that we were only friends with wonderful benefits, made me want to vomit.

To sum it up I adored him and he treated me like a doormat, not a good situation.

As long as you aren't getting involved the way I was then it's OK. I think it's Mercury who says the trick is to have a few on the go but I don't meet enough attractive men to have that luxury.

Snape just wow and grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

So wonderful to see you happy and nameless does sound absolutely lovely. I'm very happy for you.

Bant noooo! you will have to at least check it out by asking her. That doesn't sound like mere co-incidence, you already have evidence of how word gets around over there and how the Artist reacted. Odd timing, odd everything. Did you first get in touch with this one after the Artist? I was surprised she went silent so quickly after just a few days of madness, at worst this could be a set up. Not being over dramatic but if you meet her do make sure you make like Bourne, back to the wall and eye on the door wink

Western glad you had a good time, here's to not worrying brew

48howdidthathappen Tue 12-Feb-13 12:23:39

I am losing the plot. I am getting needy. I don't like it one bit.

I am battening down the hatches. With big fuck off nails.

mercury7 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:25:51

I used to see multiple exclamation marks as a red flag, but then I became rather partial to them myself, although lots of ?? can seem aggression.
More than !!! suggests a manic state of mind.

I think the artist and lol-girl are working some kind of voodoo on you Bant...
hell hath no fury..

mercury7 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:55

'I think it's Mercury who says the trick is to have a few on the go'

it's tricky to actually achieve, sounds like Joyless has it nailed down!
my arrangements are less than ideal but I'm working on itgrin
(One of my fwb's is actually most useful for his home maintenance skills and ability to lug heavy objects)

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