This might be long, sorry but I don't want to dripfeed as I know how annoying it can be.
I don't think I love DP anymore. We've been together 6 years, we have a 20 month old DD. I am 21, he is 23. To put it bluntly, I'm sick of him. I'm sick of his sex drive (seems to want it all the time and moans about feeling neglected), I'm sick of not being able to trust him and I just don't respect him anymore at all. He has given me so many reasons not to trust him and yet I still forgive and forget.
Over the years there have been texts on his phone, the first time was to a girl he said owed him money and the only way he would get it back was to go out with her, I forgave him for that, I was only 15 and very naive. There have been other texts too, the most recent was texts to a 19yo escort (she said her age in the messages), when I confronted him he said a work colleague borrowed his phone but wouldn't tell me who it was.
There have been unexplained disappearances, he used to go to the gym every night after work before he got a mortgage, one time I happened to be walking past the gym and his car wasn't therr and when I got home and saw it wasn't there either I rang him. It rang for aaaaaages and when he eventually answered I asked where he was and he said he was waiting for a mate to go to the gym with, this was well over an hour since he'd left and DP does NOT wait for ANYONE EVER! Even his dad couldn't believe that (we lived at ILs at the time).
Another time he said he was going out of town to get my valentines present at 5.30 at night, so when he'd have got to his destination it would've been gone 6! V day came and I received a teddy and a box of chocs that he'd bought in town (told me what he was off to do when he went, different day to the evening trip!).
He did the same thing at christmas too, went out of town on 13th nov to buy my christmas present at gone 5.30. Christmas day came and I received a kindle which he told me that's what he'd gone out of town for, to get one from Asda. A couple of weeks ago I found the Tesco receipt for it for a completely different date and time, he couldn't explain the D&T but swore blind he'd told me Tesco! There have been other disappearances too.
We are on a swingers website, we have a couples profile and a single one each (for the simple reason that we like to have our own meets without the other occasionally) he has one with the condition I'm allowed to check up on him and he agreed to this, he is only meant to be meeting men (he is bisexual) I went out for the night on friday and he assured me he'd be staying in having a quiet one as he'd had a busy week at work so he'd enjoy some quiet time. I decided to check his messages on the site and he's been arranging to meet 19/20yo girls for the night I was away (not sure if they did meet, doesn't look like it as after his messages arranging a time there has been no reply.
I have no evidence that he's ever cheated on me, he's never owned up to anything. But my trust and respect for him is shot. I feel nauseus at the thought of getting intimate with him and I just don't know what to do.
Well done if you've finished it, sorry if you fell asleep!
I'm going to sleep now, spent 40 minuted typing this out on my phone! I'll check back in the morning.
Tia
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I don't know what do, I need some advice please
ConfusedInNeedOfAdvice · 11/02/2013 22:43
It all seemed to point one way in your post until I got to the part about a swingers site and couple/individual profiles 
I have no experience of swinging however I can't understand on any level how your relationship functions with this propping it up.
If I were you I would be less concerned about the lying/cheating and more concerned about the fact that at aged 21 you and your DP seek out individual sexual experiences as well as swinging.
So, am I right in saying you don't have an issue with his shagging other women as long as you know about it and they are off the website you both use?
That to me is fucked up. Sorry but 
That said, I am happy to be put right about the use of swinging in LTR's
Ahh yes, but that was another example of his lying. When it was set it up he said it was so he could meet men only as he didn't need/want other women.
LTR, seems obvious now 
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