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Do you think it's possible to raise children with someone and not end up hating them just a little bit?

(18 Posts)
1978andallthat Mon 11-Feb-13 22:25:55

With the caveat that I love dh, and am also knackered with a 2yo and 6 wk old...

But can you raise children with someone and not end up resenting them/hating them a little bit. You know, for:

- not breaking up their career
- not being the one always at the sodding Gp
- not bring able to smell their poo nappies
- being such a deep sleeper a howling baby doesn't wake them (even the burglar alarm going off didn't wake him)
- snoring
- not constantly worrying
- making me feel like a nag for asking them to do things why I am stuck on sofa feeding
- never emptying the rubbish

That kind of thing.

HaDeHaDeHa Mon 11-Feb-13 22:28:08

Nope. But as the memory of those years passes the resentment fades and if there was enough other good stuff in the relationship then it survives and possibly even prospers.

My view, anyway. Good luck!

frustratedworkingmum Mon 11-Feb-13 22:29:31

You just sound knackered, i hear you!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 11-Feb-13 22:30:15

Well, if my DH did all the annoying, and frankly crap things on your thread then I expect I would end up hating him, yes.

But seeing as he has always done his fair share of nappies, broken nights pacing the floor, and always brought me whatever I needed when I was feeding then I don't.

I do agree with the snoring though.

I don't know whether you intended this to be a lighthearted thread, but it doesn't sound as if your DH is giving you much emotional or practical support - and I would be hurt and upset in your position.

What are you going to do?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 11-Feb-13 22:32:52

20 years ago I would've agreed with you.

20 years on? YABU (except for the snoring, that still rankles)

HaDeHaDeHa Mon 11-Feb-13 22:33:17

She's not going to do anything. She has a new baby and a 2 yr old. The most she's goingto do is post on an internet forum hoping for a bit of being allowed to moan generally and garner a bit of support rather that the "men are from mars.. ect" stuff of a practical solution being produced/faciliated.

1978andallthat Tue 12-Feb-13 09:11:21

Thank you hadehadeha. Good to know it fades. And I must have felt like this when dd born and didn't in those calm fee months of her sleeping through before I got pg again, so must fade fast.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Tue 12-Feb-13 09:14:25

What does he say that "makes you feel like a nag"?

It gets better, honestly.

There were days I could happily have ripped dp apart with my bare hands when the kids were tiny.... Now they're bigger we're a team again and the resentment has faded.

Most of it's exhaustion. Sleep deprivation makes even the most rational person a raging ball of anger.

Pagwatch Tue 12-Feb-13 09:18:46

You are just responding to this very tough time.
It gets better. Honest.

frustratedworkingmum Tue 12-Feb-13 09:56:06

And this too, shall pass

Separate beds. Seriously. If the babies were finally letting me sleep and DH woke me with his snoring I may not be responsible for my actions.

ChunkyChicken Tue 12-Feb-13 10:19:15

I could have written your post. Except my LO is now 13wo. And he doesn't snore thank God, that would be the final straw.

Unfortunately I'm finding it hard to remember the good bits atm sad sad

Life with newborns is hard, life with the addition of a lazy selfish man who isn't doing his share is harder than it need be. Life as a single parent is better than life as some man's slave, despite the propaganda about the importance of 'couplehood' - if he's not making an effort, you'll be better off without him.

TunipTheVegedude Tue 12-Feb-13 10:29:57

I think your dh could try a bit harder tbh.

If he can't smell the pooey nappies you should have an understanding that if he's around when you detect it, he changes them.
He should empty the rubbish.
You should be able to nudge him if a child wakes up so it's not always you dealing with it.
And if you are feeling like a nag, where is that coming from? From inside you, or because of his reaction?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 12-Feb-13 10:30:13

She's not going to do anything. She has a new baby and a 2 yr old. The most she's goingto do is post on an internet forum hoping for a bit of being allowed to moan generally and garner a bit of support rather that the "men are from mars.. ect" stuff of a practical solution being produced/faciliated.

A certain amount of resentment is natural though. I can remember being consumed with jealousy that DH got to have 45 minutes to himself on the train to and from work each day.

But if that sleep-deprived hormonal angst is actually driven by the reality of a partner who isn't pulling his weight and is leaving all the child-rearing and domestic duties to the woman, then something is wrong and it won't just pass.

But sure, we can have a 'there, there hun, all men are twats, he can't help it and you'll get over it' thread. <shrug>

Oscarandelliesmum Tue 12-Feb-13 10:42:22

God, I hear you too! It does get easier as they get older but it isn't fair. I wonder what they breakdown between the good husbands (that do stuff routinely without nagging/ asking and moaning in response) and the ones like mine and ops (lazy but affable and liable to try and get away with whatever they can)??

Fairenuff Tue 12-Feb-13 10:46:09

I think if he doesn't pull his weight you might well end up resenting him. He can smell poo (unless he has some medical condition that you are aware of that also prevents him from smelling perfume, aftershave and other typical smells?) he just chooses not to react to it because he knows you will.

This means that he would rather risk his baby getting a sore rash, than deal with it promptly. Pretty lame really.

He can also hear the crying at night but ignores it because he knows you will deal with it. Set up a system whereby he does one night and you do the next. If you have to elbow him once or twice to remind him, do it.

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