Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What would you say to the OW if you could?

(64 Posts)
duffybeatmetoit Fri 08-Feb-13 22:00:57

Obviously you wouldn't because you're being the bigger person/have moved on etc but you can tell the rest of us without being judged grin

I'd tell her: Well Stbxh clearly likes you because when he was having his last affair he carried on sleeping with me but he stopped sleeping with me when he met you"

Anyone else?

BeforeAndAfter Fri 08-Feb-13 22:04:38

You're welcome to him and now that our divorce has come through you can marry him as soon as you want. Just remember one thing - the wedding will create a vacancy for a mistress ...

chocolatespiders Fri 08-Feb-13 22:06:45

I could have told you it would not last....

He married her had a baby with her and now they have split up... so 2 children left in single parent families sad

Bogeyface Fri 08-Feb-13 22:12:34

I told her that she was a manky slapper who was welcome to him! She was, on both counts.

I also asked her if her tit tattoo was so she could identify her own tits on the photos that I put on the internet of her.

smile

Bogeyface Fri 08-Feb-13 22:13:00

Fuck being the bigger person, some things need to be said grin

fengirl1 Fri 08-Feb-13 22:21:14

'Good luck to you, you're going to need it. Oh, and does he still scratch his balls and leave his pubes all over the bathroom floor?' grin

want to say so very much including the following :
"thank god you cant have children" although if she could perhaps she would have realised the impact to my 5 year old of her sleeping with his dad;
fuck off and die- and no, dear lawyer, that's not me being bitter just practical;
why as you earn a 6-figure salary do you not pay for anything yourself - I'm expected to on income 1/100th of yours and finally
you are welcome to him - the skanky baggy underpants, the porn and bad breath. Please dont call me when you get fed of him - I dont want him back

That felt good!

SheerWill Fri 08-Feb-13 22:38:18

I hope you have earplugs cause he snores like a pig with a cold. I pity you actually, because one day you will know what it felt like to be me and that was horrid. But since you asked in great thanks!!

SuperGlumFairy Fri 08-Feb-13 22:45:40

So many things....

1. If you were truly soul mates you would have got together when you were 17 instead of brushing him off

2. A relationship built on lies and misery will only bring you lies and misery and will not last.

3. What kind of a woman accepts a marriage proposal from a man having never met his kids and after just 10 weeks? (yeah I think that affair was going on considerably longer!)

4. What is attractive about a man that abandons his children in another country?

5. The original is always better than the sequel

6. When his tongue is down your throat do you ever think about where else that's been? ;)

LadyFlumpalot Fri 08-Feb-13 22:48:12

"Hi, I really don't want to be calling you, believe me, but I thought I should let you know I've just had some results back from the hospital, and well, you may want to go get tested... It's alright, even though herpes are for life you can control them with cream and they only REALLY hurt once a fortnight when they flare up."

No-one said it had to be true!

BesameBesame Fri 08-Feb-13 22:50:23

Hi OW. You weren't the first so there's nothing special about you.

Tell me, does he ask YOU to squeeze the spots on his back? Have you got fed up with the daily drinking yet? Oh, and has he given up smoking which only reveals that he has bad breath any way?

And what's your opinion of the ridiculous adolescent shorts --miss-matched with Ben Sherman shirts and baseball boots (with socks)?

Oh, and, how many years is it before he'll be able to 'fully commit' to you because he's paying the evil ex DW maintenance for their DD <evil laugh emoticon>

Live long and miserably OW. You've worked hard for it after all.

Allalonenow Fri 08-Feb-13 23:09:25

You might be more than twenty years younger than me dear, but my God you don't look it, your skin is like an old crocodile skin handbag, and the bags under your eyes make you look like a malevolent toad, I keep waiting for you to stick your tongue out and catch another wasp.
While you and he were miffed that I had called you a whore, recent events have proved that I was correct.
Oh yes, he has lied to you from day one, and is still doing so. You deserve each other, while it lasts.

Bogeyface wine

Allthegoodusernamesaretaken Fri 08-Feb-13 23:15:32

I would kick you in the vagina.....but I don't want to lose my shoe.

jynier Fri 08-Feb-13 23:17:57

... don't get me started!!!

duffybeatmetoit Fri 08-Feb-13 23:20:32

Oh and to the previous OW - "Yes I should have believed everything you told me about him (and that your delightful friend rang me at work to tell me about) but that still doesn't alter my opinion of you. My stbxh is a twunt of the highest order but that doesn't excuse your behaviour having knowingly had a relationship with someone with a small child and whose hospitality and friendship you thoroughly abused"

"PS: The engagement ring he bought me came from a nice jewellers, the one he got you came from Elizabeth Duke - just saying.."

I'd like to thank you. If you hadn't stolen my first husband, I would never have met my 2nd husband who is so much more of a husband / lover / dad than he ever was. I think you now realise that living with him and fighting every day over who is looking after your own child you have together. The saying " be careful what you wish for" is so apt in your case.

What I ACTUALLY said to OW was "you clearly have no self respect. You knew he was still having sex with me whereas I did not". After that he was kept on a tight leach away from me so obviously he had spun her the old " my wife doesn't understand me and we no longer have sex" lie grin

Lovingfreedom Fri 08-Feb-13 23:33:17

Thanks

Mimishimi Fri 08-Feb-13 23:40:31

Good luck?

OW

Thanks so much for sending me an email 2 years later to 'put me right' about the situation.

It was so lovely to get a message out of the blue telling me that I had to believe you didn't have an affair with him. When you told me that in fact 'you can't tell me how many times I tried to save your marriage' it made me feel quite bad. After all this time I should have been thanking you instead of wondering how you could be complicit in my exDH leaving me and our 2 year old in the middle of a round of IVF. But as you say he was looking to you for the emotional support he should have been getting from me so I guess I only have myself to blame.

I really liked the way that you told me that anyone who knows you would tell me that your core value is honesty. It seems like you have a great self awareness. After all not many OW would take the trouble to point out their virtues to the ex-DW whilst criticising their perceived qualities. I think the part I liked best though was when you told me how you had been focused on building a family with my son (every other w/end) and that I should be more focused on 'letting go' of the past. You are so right my darling. It wasn't at all tacky of you to tell me to do this; I should have easily accepted having to remain in a foreign country against my wishes trying to build a career from a standing start with no family or network support after only 2 years here. I guess by 'letting go' you mean not pursuing my former husband for the child support he is meant to pay. Must be a pisser living in that McMansion with those cars and pools and having to find a few extra hundred dollars to pay the horrid ex-wife. What a yawn fest. I can see from someone's wedding photos that that money could be much better spent on maintaining your collagen lips. Ignore everyone that says its a mistake to mess around with your lips. Looks totally natural on you.

Anyway. Thanks so much for getting in touch and putting me straight on a few things. I think my favourite part is where you exhorted that I must admit how unhappy we were when we were married. Perhaps this was a buried memory that you so kindly have pointed out. Silly old me thought we were quite happy what with the IVF and all. I guess the only blot on the horizon was my nagging concerns about you, the girl at work. But now I know that you were trying to save my marriage for me by being on the phone to him a couple of hours a day not to mention all those texts well it all makes sense. What a co-incidence that you are now together. Sorry for thinking the worse.

Ciao

<ooh long but cathartic>

duffybeatmetoit Sat 09-Feb-13 00:12:25

downunder wine glad to be of service grin

dollyindub Sat 09-Feb-13 00:17:26

Allthegoodusernames - arf!!!

OW:
You basically stayed in your 'unhappy, abusive' marriage with your small child until my stupid ex twunt came riding along on his white charger to rescue you, you poor, helpless little thing.
Never mind that he left me pregnant and am now raising my lovely baby alone.
Well let me tell you a couple of things... He may be Mr Wonderful now, but he will soon get bored, will take you for granted, will never compromise and is one of the most selfish people you will ever meet.

You deserve each other, and will never ever fully trust each other because if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you!
Best of luck!!! grin

dollyindub Sat 09-Feb-13 00:20:08

...oh, and no, I bloody don't want to meet you!
I certainly will not feel better about the situation if I met you, you deluded, arrogant woman.

Did you know that my DC was pumping himself full of drugs while you were shagging?

Sorry, horrid but I would like to say that. Although tbh to be fair to her I'm not sure that XH thought to mention that to her.

Tearsforfears Sat 09-Feb-13 00:33:42

What goes around comes around.....

Skyebluesapphire Sat 09-Feb-13 00:34:56

OW

Let's just get one thing straight shall we? Nobody, but nobody texts/emails over 100 times a day when they are "just friends". Just because your husband is a twat and believes you, doesn't mean that the rest of the world is stupid too. I'm so glad that my H could give you the emotional support that yours couldn't. It's quite odd, because the day that i watched my grandmother die in hospital, 2 years ago, he couldn't even give me a hug hmm.

Obviously you are used to being a cheating whore, having married your first husband while shagging the man who became your second. my haven't you been busy, now cheating on husband number 2, and still only 31 years old.... and batting eyelashes at your 49 year old next victim, my XH.

My H used to say that you were a mental bitch and that his best mate was mad to have married you. He used to hate people who cheated and thought it was disgusting how you told your first H that H no 2 was just a "good friend". History repeating much? My Xh used to despise you. Funny how all that changed once you batted your eyelashes at him a few times and cried all over him. Funny how he then talked about you nonstop and hid his phone from me.

I really hope you are proud of the fact that you got into his head and encouraged him to leave his DD who was actually only 3 at the time. I'm sure you enjoy spending weekends with her, before scurrying back to your gullible H. I hope you are pleased that XH can't be bothered to ring his DD once a week, yet spends hours contacting you.

I did tell you all about my XH's debt problems didn't I? so you will only have yourself to blame once it all goes tits up financially. Of course, you must think he is totally wonderful, what with him having given jobs to half your family.

Do you know what I hate most though? It's the fact that one day, you will toss him aside, like you have the rest, and he will be left with nothing. He deserves that though, as he left a loving wife, child and his home, to live near you.

Anyway, aside from all the above. I hope you are happy with your prize. balding, overweight, false teeth, erectile dysfunction on occasion. On second thoughts, you have done me a huge favour grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now