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Welcome to The Dating Thread. Number 40.

(1000 Posts)

The next chapter...

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 09:32:51

Cuthbert has just gone. Was a lovely evening. I like him an awful lot. Hopefully seeing him next week smile

I have various little doubts abd insecuritied about it all but I think they are simply me expecting that everything has to be perfect or else it is doomed to fail...

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 09:55:13

Velvet aw glad you had a good night

and of course things don't have to be perfect, unless those things are dealbreakers or whacking great red flags.

eg 'he is lovely, except for the confession of being a serial killer'

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:15:11

velv, yay!!!

Logged onto okc and pof. Bloody giess what, messages from ywk. Obviously he was telling the truth re being single. OKC 99 match 96 friend 3 enemy.

pof had me listed as his top match. apparently. pinch of salt.

fucks sake.

IF i believed in 'signs' i might take it as one.
OR, that hes just stupid

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:22:59

or that im stupid, as, being top in his ' will reply' bit on pof. i did actually reply.

turns out they are right about some stuff

<gets drawn in by the excitment>

MirandaWest Sat 09-Feb-13 10:24:44

Morning smile

velvet I had a dream with you in it. Don't know how I knew it was you but if definitely was. You were very happy in it smile

watch I think ynw is probably stupid smile

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:28:34

nope. i think i am more stupid.

ike1 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:33:36

Had the hang over from hell yesterday so much so had to rearrange botox and filler app...feelin ok today tho for an old bird! Hello everyone hhhhope you all have fab days!

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:35:18

Velvet yay! smile

I had a dream with nameless in it. Decency does not permit a full explanation.

watch bollocks to that. OKC can be manipulated to create a higher percentage match, just trawl through and answer the questions your prey has and if you don't get an educated guess higher answer, hide yourself overnight, go back in the next day and change your answers = higher match. If you have someone in mind and you know them well enough (& ykw does obstentiably know you well enough) you can tailor your profile to create a high match. It has the potential to be manipulative bollocks as far as it goes if someone knows what will hit your triggers.

You're absolutely daft about him, aren't you? [wetwhale]

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:38:40

yeah, he knows me, its not like he would need to try to make it a match...

I just found it amusing, i dont read any shit into it at all, i dont go in for woo.

and that pof had me top of ' will reply'
Because i will, and always do, reply.

its just funny.

Im not daft about him. its just ywk, isnt it.

VelvetSpoon Sat 09-Feb-13 10:43:16

Miranda grin

Cuthbert had a dream about me last night too, that he was in bed with me (which of course he actually was) and looking at the time on the clock he has in his own bedroom...

I don't think I dreamt about anything. I did have a lovely sleep though!

Blimey watch, what are you going to do with ykw??

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:46:15

And just by being on a dating site, it does not confirm he is single. And if he actually is, I wouldn't trust a serial 'monogamist' who seems to need the validation of a relationship and who lurches from one relationship to the next without recovery-time.

...Or, indeed a man who was in a relationship who sniffed around other women (might not have just been you watch...) who is selective in the truth they tell the other women and who is now physically stalking (he turned up at your old house!) and cyber stalking (two messages on two seperate dating websites?!) someone because she has said she's moved on.

If I acted like that toward voldemort I would have actually died of shame just before the restraining order flopped onto my doormat.

A couple of threads ago, you were considering meeting him because he 'needed a friend' If someone 'needs' a 'friend' then they have to act like a friend in the first place in order to merit that friendship. He hasn't acted like a friend to you watch unless I've missed something? You always come across as strong and independent and forthright....why on earth are you engaging with someone who treats you like he's treated you?!

Grrrrrrr!

Flipper924 Sat 09-Feb-13 10:46:39

Hurrah for Cuthbert. Am all smiley for you now, Velvet.

Bunny, sounds very relaxed. How are you feeling about him now?

Kirsty, glad you had a good evening. I'm a bit wary of Mr Cheeky. I seem to remember he gave you the run around initially, then things were great, then the work do....but your guard is up so you're looking after yourself.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 10:47:27

(Sorry if any of that is antagonistic, I'm a bit fucking annoyed at him! Not you. I get it, I do....it's just making me see red!)

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:50:24

because im daft for him.

i know, i need help or something.

All logical reasoning goes out the window.
last week when he said he couldnt talk, he had just had a phone call saying his cousin had died. i cut him off before he told me that. hes at his parents now.... just spoke to him ( he called me fromthere) funeral is monday.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 10:52:39

watch I agree entirely with snape, why is it ok for a man to behave like this when a woman would have had a restraining order and a nice comfy straitjacket eons ago? - I am hovering somewhere between [red mist] and [headdesk] and [facepalm] though

[wetwhale]

Gahhhh just block him on everything and purge him from your life properly!

I just cannot fathom why you would reply to him. I really can't.

[wetwhale] [wetswordfish]

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:58:15

i do. he just comes back... hes like a bomberang. i just said that to him...

i dont know, i dont know why i reply. i cant believe he messaged me on there really.

so, we are going to do some photography at a local ish catherdral. what can go wrong?

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 10:59:59

and some churchcrawling, and hes bringing me some lenses for his camera hes lending me. its day time. nothing can happen, it will be fine.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 11:03:41

Ok well I've said everything possible to say about him and lumped you one with a wet swordfish already so I won't repeat myself. [heavysigh]

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:05:48

The thing with this is.... You are a good person. You're quick to anger sometimes and you can be a bit stubborn ( smile ) but you are basically a lovely woman, who has had some shitty-horrible times and who is doing the very best she can. You want to think the best of some people (certainly not all of them - but people you care about. If he lets you down you (1) legitimately flare up, (2) don't contact - (3) start to recover, (4) stop thinking about him or at least don't think about him so often and then, eventually (5) excuse his behaviour or (6)understand it, because you are a bit daft for him, he's depressed, he needs a friend, he's had a row with his parents, his cousin has died (i know, i'm sorry and i know i sound callous here) and he's been in contact... He drifts back to you and you provide something to him... Comfort, ego stroke, challenge - whatever, I don't know what he gets from you. What do you get from him? Happiness? Comfort? Excitement? Flattery?

He has treated you atrociously. He doesn't deserve to pick up your discarded chewing gum....although the way things are going at the moment I wouldn't be surprised if he started going through your bins.

If you're not getting something positive from this relationship, then please stop engaging, because it will wear you down.

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:06:57

snape - not taken any offence either. i know... i fully know.
i know you arent angry at me.....

do you know what. hes an arse. it is possible hes not as much of an arse as i say, ive been a mental at him... and mean. really mean.

he wouldnt be on a dating site if he wasnt single, i know him well enough to know that. I also know him well enough to know his thought process behind it... and, hes single, and now, local. Its a day, just one. i have to go, else ill always wonder. i will, as much as i say i wont, i will.

Fuck him, i need to know.

lubeybooby Sat 09-Feb-13 11:09:43

[zippedgob]

Snapespeare Sat 09-Feb-13 11:11:05

' its day time. nothing can happen, it will be fine.'

Says the woman who licked goat boys face in the candle shop. <clutches pearls> I dread to think what you might get up to in a place of worship. <rolleyes>

I'm really sorry watch I don't intend to be mean or horrid, I kind of see why, because I would have absolutely walked on broken glass for whatisface. I remember the absolute elation at receiving a text (snort!) and I can absolutely look back and see that it wasn't healthy. Something had to be done and a resolution reached.

So do your something. Meet him in the cathedral if you must. See what happens. But make it your defining moment, because I can see this panning out for decades.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 11:14:36

Velvet - glad you had a lovely evening

Hop & Kirsty - sounds like you both had lovely evenings

Watch!!!! What are you doing??? Why, just why?

You spent an age forgetting him and putting barriers up and ignoring his (somewhat scary) actions. What is it about him means you drop everything to go to him?? You have just started to have a lovely time with the Goat, you are enjoying his company, so why run to YKW when you know it isn't good for you??

Please reconsider, people are in our past for a very good reason and that is where they should stay

watchoutforthatsnail Sat 09-Feb-13 11:15:45

i did lick goat boys face.
i wont be licking ywks. its not about sex there.

you arent being horrid, at all. i know its probably not the best thing to do. but i need to. Its not been healthy, ive been healthy with it for the last year or so.... but still a message or something does something to me, even if i do ignore it most of the time.

It will also be the defining momment, like yours with voldy.
the big full stop.
So, its next monday.

MsCellophane Sat 09-Feb-13 11:16:27

And the single thing is a red herring, wasn't he trying to line you up as next person before last relationship had actually finished??

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