Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Being "ignored" by long term male friend - let it go?

(13 Posts)
NishiNoUsagi Thu 07-Feb-13 21:16:11

I've had a really good male friend for about 12 years now, we've always got on great, always been really supportive of each other etc, just a normal friendship really.

We stayed in touch even when I was overseas for years, have supported/laughed at each other through various relationships, both crap and good ones.

Up till a few months ago we were in contact about once a month, but since a phone call a few months ago he hasn't replied to any texts or emails. It was a normal enough phone call, and he said that he's glad I'm back in the UK and wants us to be friends even when we're old and grey. Since that, no replies to texts, no calls. Don't want to text him and ask him why in case I come across as a psycho stalker grin but it also feels odd just to give up.

DH wonders if his girlfriend has banned him from talking to me, which would make it even more awkward if I did keep emailing (and getting ignored). This sounds ridiculous, but I keep having moments where I see something that would make him laugh and would usually text/call, but feel very awkward about doing that now. Just sad about losing such a long friendship I suppose, and wondering if I'm right just to let it tail off. Any advice would be lovely! smile

Lueji Thu 07-Feb-13 21:28:54

I assume you know he's still alive...

loler Thu 07-Feb-13 21:34:35

text him - say you've been really quiet, have I upset you or are you just busy?
If there is not reply, forget and move on.

Now I need to take my own advice sad

starfishmummy Thu 07-Feb-13 21:34:44

Ring him!!

loler Thu 07-Feb-13 21:40:30

or ring him!

NishiNoUsagi Thu 07-Feb-13 21:48:48

Lueji I actually have no way of knowing without ringing/texting him shock He never uses facebook, don't have any mutual friends as we've outlasted everyone.. I may just assume he's dead until proven wrong! grin

I can't think of anything that would have upset him. I was having some problems but trying not to talk to him too much as I didn't want to bore him, he nagged me (nicely) into telling him so he could help, he was nicely supportive, I changed the subject back to more entertaining things, then he said what he said about being friends until we're old and grey.

And actually realised I have lied in my op blush I said I didn't hear from him after that but realised i didn't hear for about 6 weeks after that call, sent a text asking how he was and saying it would be lovely to chat if he was free he texted back a week later saying "how are you hope everything's cool" no mention of calling which he would usually mention iyswim. Sent him a text saying happy xmas, got nothing back. I hate overthinking things, and this is making me overthink. Grr!! Taking solace in monster munch.

NishiNoUsagi Thu 07-Feb-13 21:52:23

loler and starfish I really should just man up shouldn't I! But lack of replies is making feel too awkward sad I know we're close enough that it shouldn't matter, but I also feel like he wouldn't stop contact for months with no reason. Hence the inaction and overthinking smile

Kione Thu 07-Feb-13 21:58:42

Deffinitely text or call saying what others said above. Ask him if he is ok.

loler Thu 07-Feb-13 22:01:09

just ring him!

starfishmummy Thu 07-Feb-13 22:03:41

I don't think texts are the best way to contact him - how do you know he's getting them? (I'm old, I don't really "do" texts).

allaflutter Thu 07-Feb-13 22:21:11

hmm, it kind of does sound as if he's not receiving your texts, especially with that 'how are you..' message. If he's got an old phone, they do play up sometimes, I had this with mine - or a more sinister version is that someone has access and erases your messages (a new woman who doesn't agree with your friendship?).
The only way is to phone him, in the daytime when he's at work.

NishiNoUsagi Thu 07-Feb-13 22:57:46

Blimey, hope it's not the sinister option! Not sure about him just not getting my texts, because nothing's come from him spontaneously for so long now.

God, I feel about 12 grin I guess I'm just worried about irritating him if he's decided things have run their course for whatever reason. Mind you if he thinks that he could at least let me know so I don't keep contacting him!

Right, I'll put on my big girl pants and call him then. Thank you for the help!

allaflutter Thu 07-Feb-13 23:02:11

exactly, after years of friendship he's not going to think that you are odd or irritating for asking the reasons. Either dodgy phone (it's just his last message sounded like it wasn't a response to yours but spontaneous thing from him). Possibly he's unwell, does he tend to go into his shell when stressed/depressed?
good luck with the phone call! you'll be out of your misery at least.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now