Hi. I have never posted on here before and it seems surreal that I am
About to ask total strangers (sorry) for advice.
I have been married for 7 years, and I think we have a good marriage. We have our rows but only the normal kind. He is a good husband and lovely father.
Before we married we had a bad patch where I found out he had been flattered by a girls attentions and texted her and been out for a drink before coming to his senses and ending it. I found out and he was devastated but his approach was to mope around a lot and it was me who had to step up and fight to keep our relationship going.
We have two gorgeous little girls (age 4 and 1) and the last few months he has been a bit grumpy and working very late so we have had no time together as a couple altho some lowly family time at weekends.
I was worried that the long commute was too much for him (we recently moved and it's 2 hours each way). I'm at home with the kids so have been trying to help with nice meals, keeping house tidy etc (sounds pathetic).
Then last month I noticed he was keeping his phone with him all the time which is unusual. I needed to make a call on it while he was driving and before passing it to me he checked his
Messages (whilst at the wheel with the kids in the back!) I was horrified and totally taken aback as he is a really conscientious driver and totally risk adverse.
So (don't judge me for this) on Sunday I looked through his phone and emails. Found a lot of very inappropriate texts and emails including photo message of her in her tacky red undies.
Confronted him and he tried to lie until I said I had seen the messages. He then said it was nothing an just silly as she is in Australia so nothing going on. I am totally devastated. He has admitted to a "couple of months" of this.
I know it isn't physical but it feels like such a betrayal and I have no idea what to do now.
What do I do? I look at my children and how do I rip apart their world? But how do I ever trust him again?
I am in total shock - he is the guy that everyone refers to as so lovely and so kind and such a nice honest bloke. I love him so much and although I'm not perfect (prone to the odd strop!) I think I am an ok wife am a SAHM.
He then went to work for 2 days with no contact then Tues pm (our youngest s 1st birthday) he spoke to me at 10pm was fairly contrite but tried to say that in his head it had all been totally separate from our marriage and until I confronted him he hadn't thought about the significance of it. Hmmmmm. He also (brace yourselves) tried to tell me that he is a good husband because he helps around the house etc! T be fair he does but I'd rather have a slob that actually loved me than an assistant housekeeper who doesn't.
I then asked him to leave while I think about things and he agreed to go to a hotel. A this point he did get very upset and tearful. He couldn't talk to the girls in the morning as he had to be at work for 9 (that commitment obvs more important than our vows). So... He is gone. No contact other than a call last night at half eleven! Text today just saying he loves us.
Feel like my brain is going to explode! What the hell?!! Advice please...?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Sex texts - how could he?
20 replies
LilSheepie · 07/02/2013 20:01
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.