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Do "good guys" ever sign up for adult/NSA/f*ckbuddy type websites?

(21 Posts)
BrettDonna78 Tue 05-Feb-13 15:13:42

With what I thought was a lovely guy but in his emails it appears he joined up to no strings fun websites in the last year of his previous marriage (he told me they split in 2011 although they'd not slept together for a year before that) but these emails are from 2010. There are conversations between him and other women talking about sex and arranging meets (although it looks like he never actually met anyone, just talked about it) and this went on throughout 2011 and into 2012 when we met. I've also found emails in there from AFTER we met in the very early stages of arranging NSA sex meet ups. I contronted him about this and he said he had no intentions of ever meeting anyone, it was all just talk but today he got an email into his junk folder from a site called fuckbook saying that he's either a past or present member of one of their adult network sites.

Assuming then that all this shit is from before we met, is it ok if he was single? do good men do stuff like this when they're single??

fuckadoodlepoopoo Tue 05-Feb-13 15:15:16

Personally i wouldn't go there.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Tue 05-Feb-13 15:23:39

I don't think it's wrong if he is single to look for nsa with another consenting adult. I don't think it would be my thing and I wouldn't really want to be with someone that had such an emotionally detached attitude to sex. However, no f**king way would I go near someone who did this when married or later on when they had met me!

mercury7 Tue 05-Feb-13 15:24:49

as far as I know NSA sites have a male to female ratio of around 10:1 , they also seem to encourage lewd and rather puerile behaviour in men...the upshot being that most men dont have a snowballs chance in hell of actually getting any 'action'

I think alot of men just use them for something to jerk off to...they lure men in with the promise that there are lots of women who want NSA sex.

The men pay, the women dont, so the women really are used as 'bait' to get men to cough up for the membership fee's.

Mostly the women are just bombarded with messages and tend to be rather wary about actually meeting anyone.

As for do 'good guys' ever sign up...well that raises all sorts of questions about morality, whether anyone is inherently good or bad etc etc confused

Dahlen Tue 05-Feb-13 15:58:16

Well if he was still married at the time, then he's not a good guy is he, quite regardless of whether anyone who uses these sites are intrinsically bad in themselves.

snoopdogg Tue 05-Feb-13 16:00:30

Why are you going through his email history?

meditrina Tue 05-Feb-13 16:04:48

I wonder if the 'no sex' in his marriage was just part of the adulterer's script? Or if it came to a screeching halt because ExW found out about the use of these sites and associated philandering (cyber or actual)?

badinage Tue 05-Feb-13 16:04:49

If someone's single or in an open relationship, having no strings sex and joining a site to facilitate it is fine and up to them.

But this bloke did it while married AND while he was in a relationship with you.

He's probably STILL doing it.

Why would you want to be with a bloke who cheated on his wife with randoms off the internet?

Or with someone who was still looking for casual sex after he'd agreed an exclusive relationship with you?

When did you last get a STI check?

Numberlock Tue 05-Feb-13 16:11:29

Or with someone who was still looking for casual sex after he'd agreed an exclusive relationship with you?

I'll put money on the fact that he hadn't agreed an exclusive relationship with the OP... He probably justified it to himself that they hadn't had 'the talk' yet so was free to date who he wanted or some such bollocks.

OP - did you also meet him online? In my opinion and experience there's little difference between 'normal' dating sites and NSA ones which is why I can't imagine ever doing internet dating again.

greeneyed Tue 05-Feb-13 16:31:16

I get messages from fuckbook all the time. I don't know what it is and have never joined so the recent one could just be spam.

landscaperguy Tue 05-Feb-13 17:41:41

I quite agree Numberlock regarding the internet. I am currently on Plenty of Fish and sick to death of the low lifes on there and timewasters. I can't imagine doing internet dating either again. Has made me very bitter and angry so best i give it up lol. To the other poster i would get rid of this guy. He isn't serious about you and can do better. Good luck. One of the nice guys.

Trills Tue 05-Feb-13 17:43:43

Depends on your definition of a "good guy" really.

landscaperguy Tue 05-Feb-13 17:45:51

One thats loyal, dependable, not a lying bastard or cheat. Not self centred how is that for a start?

Numberlock Tue 05-Feb-13 17:55:30

Don't suppose you're in the north west LG. grin

abbeynationall Tue 05-Feb-13 18:35:14

That would be a No.

landscaperguy Tue 05-Feb-13 19:04:30

Sorry Numberlock i am in East Anglia. However no use becuase i swing the other way lol

How come you are snooping to this extent, given that you don't appear to have known him very long?

Basically, what happened in his marriage is his business, not yours. And unless he has told you, in so many words, that he intends his relationship with you to be monogamous, then you should not be expecting monogamy and you certainly shouldn't be prying into his emails without his knowledge.

Generally, I think being into NSA sex is healthier and more ethical than being a neurotic, nosy, jealous control freak, myself.

meditrina Tue 05-Feb-13 19:17:48

??

OP says that they had discussed this before, and she her expectation of monogamy seems reasonable, given what she says he said a that time.

Now today's email may well have been auto generated, but I can see why it would tend to undermine his earlier assurances.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Feb-13 19:20:32

I wouldn't waste time wondering if he was a "good guy" or not

I would dump him for the sole fact that he is a stupid prick

But, that's just me

cronullansw Wed 06-Feb-13 00:15:10

I love SolidGoldBrass. smile

Accurate, precise, exact, concise.

carmenelectra Wed 06-Feb-13 12:05:23

Agree with what allthenames said.

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