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Pregnancy that I feel forced to abort.....

(31 Posts)
mrshectic Mon 04-Feb-13 22:36:24

To start, I have 2 gorgeous boys, 6 and nearly 5. My husband has been suffering depression for about 3 yrs now, lost his job a year ago, is on meds and we aren't getting on perfectly (Tbh) and we are struggling (who isn't?) . So it really couldn't have come at a worse time. Our sex lives haven't been great either, so its almost a miracle in itself, but I'm 6 wks pregnant.
When I found out and told him, he was positive and said we get through things. Since then he said it us not good timing (understatement), so made an appointment for the clinic. Had the pre tests done, but I was incredibly upset....therefore I didn't book straight away and we went away to think on it. He won't really discuss it with me. And although I know myself that I should probably go ahead, I don't think I can. I don't know what to do. My world feels like its falling apart because I just don't want to get rod of this baby. He thinks it'll tear us apart, but my worry is I won't cope with the guilt of going through with something I don't want to and end up blaming him. Which will inevitably do what he wants to avoid in the first place.
I feel so alone and lost, I cry everyday. I did have the appointment booked for this Wednesday but canceled as I've got a busy wk at work and don't think ill cope.
Maybe I do just need to get on with it. Any advice at all to stop me feeling insane?

BerylStreep Tue 05-Feb-13 08:43:11

I echo everyone else, you need to make up your own mind based on the fact that your marriage may be failing anyway. Forget about him having an excuse to 'blame' you for breaking up the marriage - that's just crap and him avoiding personal responsibility for his part in this - both the baby and the state of your marriage.

I am very pro-choice, but seeing threads here lately, I am struck by how many women are pressurised, emotionally blackmailed and threatened into having abortions by their partners. It's very sad.

Xales Tue 05-Feb-13 09:03:58

Don't do it.

I am completely pro choice. I had one. It was the right thing for me. Although I have the odd what if thought it was the right choice at the time and I have no regrets.

You are not in the same mind frame as that at all.

You still have some time. Try and get to talk to some one about this and then decided what is right for you and your family.

Good luck whatever you decide.

littlecrystal Tue 05-Feb-13 09:12:16

OP, I am also pro choice and had one. Obviously it causes an emotional meltdown, partly because it messes up the hormones, but in the end I have no regrets.

A worse thing here is that you are being pressurized in the decision – imagine if you did not want the baby but your DH was saying “no we are keeping it no matter what”. You may feel exactly opposite (or not). Can you go away for a day (perhaps when DC are at school) and think about what you really want? I think in the end of the day a woman is a decision maker about the children in her life, so it is all up to you.

I don’t blame your husband though. They are very practical. He is in a mess and he feels petrified. The baby is not in his body so he probably does not understand the difficulty of it. But I do understand him as well even though his actions are not kind.

DoodleAlley Tue 05-Feb-13 09:27:25

I just want to echo what other people have said on here.

I haven't been in your situation and you have all of my sympathies and good wishes.

That said, I think that aborting a child I was reluctant to abort and felt pressured too would tear me apart and destroy my marriage. And I'd still be left with the loss of the baby too.

So I'd personally choose to keep the baby on the basis I might not really lose my marriage too but that if I did I wouldn't be any worse off than in the alternative situation and would still have the baby.

But that's how I would deal with it. Hope this get clearer for you. Can you make space for yourself to think this over? I tend to go with gut feelings for decisions like this but if I can't read my gut feelings I run through each situation and see how I would feel in each case.

Mrshectic, in reply to do you need to just tell him and ride the storm? Yes you do! I think it's going to be a white knuckle ride and you are going to have to be really strong. But from what you have said I don't think you have any choice!

Scootee Tue 05-Feb-13 11:46:40

Op I think that you should not have an abortion for the very simple reason that you do not want to.

Re your marriage - it is already having problems before you were pg this time. The baby won't tear you apart, your husband is already doing that.

Your marriage may or may not fall apart, but if you have an abortion against your wishes to appease your husband, you will resent him forever. Particularly as it probably won't appease him, he will still be miserable.

The only clinic that needs visiting is the vasectomy clinic.

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