Mumsnet Talk

That's it in a nutshell, looking at massage sites because he wants ideas on massage for us. The sites include men, bi sexual, girls much younger than me. And also interacting on a massage forum. For chat. But nothing physical has happened...

and I found out. I feel physically sick. Thoughts?

Did he say 'I am going to look at massage sites for ideas for us.@ or did you find out what he'd been looking at and then he said 'I'm looking at massage sites for ideas for us' ?

What do you mean by massage? Massage as a normal and respected branch of physical therapy or massage as in massage parlour e.g. brothel? Sounds a bit more like the dodgy variety if its about being a sexuality. Sorry.

It's every cliche, massage as in 'erotic' and yes it's for us...

So, does he want to massage you? Has he tried to massage you? Do you want him to massage you?

And no, I didn't have a clue.

He is devastated now.

I dont get it

You found these massage sites out of the blue and his EXCUSE is that "it's for us!" or you discussed massaging together and he looked at sleazier stuff than you were expecting?

If its the former it's bullshit.

Yes, he enjoys massaging me but I am not in my 20s somewhere doggy offering services or a man or bi sexual communicating via Craig's List and logging on in spare time.

But nothing physical has happen (grits teeth trying to believe it)

Why is he 'devastated'? His explanation is that he was researching something that you'd both enjoy. Little bit embarrassed, maybe, but 'devastated'?

Not somewhere doggy!

Trying to believe I am not being bullshitted because if I am then out of the blue my marriage is over

Why is he devastated? Was it supposed to be a surprise? Sorry if I sound stupid but what is the misbehavior potential from what he's been doing? Is it that there is sexy pictures or can you organize a date with the massage forum?

He knows I am really hurt. I had no idea that it was even in his mind and thought we had good open communication.

I found this by accident last night when using. His iPad to lookforsomething innocuous

Okay cross posted. He has contacted unsavoury people on Craigslist with the intention of getting off by chatting about erotic things or arranging to meet for erotic massage. Is that it?

You can organise a date, there were site after site with addresses near his office

You know you're being bullshitted.

Sorry.

Art, yes. That seems to be he case

Oh no you must be gutted and no doubt he is gutted because you found him put!

What do you want to do, do you have DC?

Cross post with both of you.
Still sorry x

Yes to DC. Am still in shock. Part of me believes that he is just looking and he swears blind that's all but the whole situation feels vile

Right, so this is about getting a naughty thrill from making contact and perhaps not going through with a meeting or indeed going to a meeting. Both are not acceptable. And no way it was for the two of you because who the Hell takes their wife to a brothel. Think you need to dig deeper and find if there has been any big cashpoint withdrawals or other evidence. Don't cry don't shout, just go super cold and get your evidence, this might also crack him into telling the truth. Sorry, really hope he's just been trying to get silly kicks at his computer screen and can come back from this.

D'you know, if a bloke told me this load of bollocks I think I'd be more upset about him trying to insult my intelligence than anything else.

So he's been looking for sex hook-ups then, near to his office and you've found loads of enquiries.

I'd think he'd already been to some of them, then. Really sorry, it must be shit to discover something like this.

I would ungrit those teeth, stop trying to make yourself believe the frankly ridiculous and engage your brain

Look for more evidence on his phone, find his secret phone and email address, check out the bank statements

And start seriously considering whether you think it sensible to stay with a man that does this

Craig's list is for sex hook ups with men, I believe

And get that sti test booked before you consider touching him with a barge pole

Always listen to your instincts.

You do need to start digging around for more evidence.

Anyf, oh crap, really re Craig's List?