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Relationships

Buddy says he has feelings for me

14 replies

claire96 · 04/02/2013 15:05

I have been a single parent for a few few years and quite like it that way. For nearly two years me and a male friend have been 'buddies'. On Saturday he dropped the bombshell he has feelings for me, even dropped the word 'love' into the conversation. I had no idea and I am feeling pretty shocked, don't know what to say or do.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/02/2013 15:29

Maybe it's just me but I'm always rather suspicious of the whole platonic friend business :) Very flattering on the one hand but bloody awkward on the other, right? Do you have similar feelings or are you never going to be able to look at him the same way again?

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VoiceofUnreason · 04/02/2013 15:37

Well, as a bloke who has lots of female friends, all totally platonic whom I have have never had feelings for, I can say platonic friendships between the sexes are perfectly possible. It doesn't mean there are always feelings and one or the other is hoping to make it more. I do find, in my experience, that it can be generational. People in their 30s and 20s don't seem to have any issues with it, whereas people in their 40s and 50s are more likely to find it odd or suspicious - as if it's only allowed if it's as part of a couple.

However, there are occasions, when if two friends do spend quite a bit of time together than feelings could develop - just as it can at work. It may have been very hard, OP, for your friend to admit this. If you don't feel the same - which I assume you don't - you need to say nicely that while he is a great friend, you don't and won't ever see him as anything more.

He may decide he needs to see you less or possibly not see you at all for some while, and you will need to accept that. If he can handle things staying as they are - and you can handle it - and things carry on as before and it's not mentioned, it's perfectly possible to continue and in a few months forget it ever happened. Depends how serious his feelings are. If they are deep, you may need to distance yourself.

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AKissIsNotAContract · 04/02/2013 15:40

When you say 'buddies' do you mean fuck buddies?

While I think it's perfectly possible to be platonic friends with someone, when you have a fuck buddy situation the lines can get a bit more blurred.

How do you feel about him OP? Do you think you might want a relationship? If not then I think you need to stop having sex (assuming that you are)

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AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 15:42

what kiss said

what do you mean by "buddy" ?

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Lovingfreedom · 04/02/2013 15:46

I've got loads of friends who are blokes and although some of them might think I'm attractive (and have said that occasionally)..I'd be pretty surprised if any of them said that they were in love with me but it happened when I was younger I suppose. If you feel the same way back then go for it...but remember that it might 'ruin' your friendship if/when it ends. If you don't then just tell him you're flattered and thanks but you don't see him in that way. He'll get over it even though it might be a bit awkward initially and you'll carry on being friends as long as you're not nasty or immature to him.

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claire96 · 04/02/2013 15:48

Sorry I was trying to be discrete just saying 'buddy'. I didn't mean just platonic friendship.

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VoiceofUnreason · 04/02/2013 15:52

So many fuckbuds situations go this way. One of the buddies wanting more. Very unusual to have one carry on for two years, I think. Going on for that long probably makes it pretty inevitable feelings are going to come into it.

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AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 15:58

You have to tell the whole situation to get appropriate answers, you muppet

What do you want to do ?

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claire96 · 04/02/2013 16:06

Sorry.

Don't want a relationship, what we had suited me well. I have known him years, was good very friends with him and his wife when they were together. They separated amicably three or four years ago.

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AnyFucker · 04/02/2013 16:13

Will you let him down gently then?. You can't really carry on with the same understanding any more, can you ?

It's a danger of the FB set-up.

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claire96 · 04/02/2013 17:13

Yeah it has messed up something really good. I really had no idea that was coming, it is not like we were exclusive.

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claire96 · 05/02/2013 13:04

Still can't get my head around this. Have had a text from him saying are we still on for tomorrow night.

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AnyFucker · 05/02/2013 13:09

You have to talk to him, see where (if anywhere) he wants to go with this new twist on your relationship.

Maybe he is happy to keep things as they are. But if he wants more, and you don't, it would be kinder to let him go

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Lovingfreedom · 05/02/2013 13:39

Why don't you meet him tomorrow night for a chat...and just be honest with him. As long as you're honest and kind then it might be bad news for him, but he'll get over it... Unless you want a relationship. If you've been having good sex for two years and you are really good friends and get on well, why not?

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