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2nd date nerves

(45 Posts)
kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 09:48:20

hi

well some how i went on a first date last weekend and we got on really well , went on a long walk and chatted through out and even the silences were comfortable.
he texted me in the eveing to say hed enjoyed himself and wants to see me again.
well today the day and part of me is looking forward to it and the other part is scared to death.
h4e is total opposite to my ex which can only be good and we have chatted on fone and texted loads but im still nervous .
i dont want to cancel but so worried hardly slept all night and when i did i had bad dreams
he suggested i leave my car at his and he drives is that acceptable, i know i prob wont get answrs in time as meant to be meeting soon.

just needed to get things said

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 09:54:20

As you've only met him once, wait until you know him before proclaiming that he's the opposite of anyone!

If you're planning an outing together and it makes sense for you to leave your car at his rather than him collecting you, take yourself off and have a good time.

And don't forget to report back!

Walkacrossthesand Sun 03-Feb-13 09:58:50

I'd only accept the car share if the guy is a work colleague/friend of a friend. Otherwise, make an excuse about needing to go on somewhere so better if you take your own car. I wouldn't want (a) to ride alone in what is essentially a strangers car; and (b) be dependent on him for lift back if the date takes a wrong turn. Having said that - hope you have a great time!

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 10:33:21

panicked and canceled date , liked him as well but im crap at dates

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 10:41:34

Why ever did you do that?

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 10:45:33

coz im stupid

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 10:50:44

Yep. I reckon you haven't been too bright in chickening out cancelling a second date with a likeable guy who you felt comfortable with even during the silences.

Why not give him a call and say you panicked don't know what came over you and can your outing still go ahead, but if he's got other plans maybe another time?,

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 10:54:54

we have said well do something one eveing in the week , im so stupid at times x

MrsFiddymont Sun 03-Feb-13 11:02:49

kitty, you are not stupid, it's just nerves, don't be so hard on yourself.

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 11:08:33

What reason did you give for cancelling out at the last minute? Suddenly feeling unwell, unexpected guests?

Just give him a bell and say what about a pub lunch somewhere pleasant?

Worley Sun 03-Feb-13 11:08:36

I've had fab first dates and cancelled the second as felt so sick with nerves.. if you weren't looking forward to te second date even if the first went well then maybe that's a little sign? if you felt teleod once good cancelled it then you knew what was best...

Worley Sun 03-Feb-13 11:09:13

that was meant to say relief not telod... autocorrect !!

MirriW Sun 03-Feb-13 11:10:32

I had a great first date with my current boyfriend and couldn't wait for the 2nd date - until it arrived and I suddenly became sick with nerves.

The 2nd date tends to act as more of a confirmation doesn't it? therefore it probably is a bigger deal.

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 11:18:06

My philsophy is that if you're feeling sick with nerves it's better to get it over with than postpone the event and go through the jitters again when the re-arranged date looms large on the horizon.

If you're happy at the prospect of a succession of first and only dates, don't torture yourself by making arrangements to meet again.

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 11:30:41

ive not had lots of firt dates in fact apart from my ex i have had 3 dates in my life

Lueji Sun 03-Feb-13 11:33:02

There's two sides to 2nd dates nerves.

Either you liked him and now feel worried that the 2nd date won't go well and he'll reject you.
Or in fact, you didn't like him that much and would really rather not spend more time with this person.

Relief after cancelling is not necessarily a sign that it was wrong, but it may just be a sign of avoidance.

Not really sure how to distinguish the two. Maybe to actually go on the 2nd date asap and see what happens? smile

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:18:44

he asked me to go over but im not comfortable about going to his house

TheBakeryQueen Sun 03-Feb-13 13:27:48

If you could get around the excuse you made, can't you still go on date? Maybe just meet somewhere to save time & take your own car.

Yes I'd agree too soon to go to his house.

likeatonneofbricks Sun 03-Feb-13 13:33:54

Op, don't go to his house, and generally try to be more assertive, he seems to impose what he wants a bit (the driving in his car as well).

Just say to him that you aer not in a rush and tell HIM what you'd like to do and where you'd rather go on the next date, jump in there before he does - or don't be afraid to say no (nicely) to his suggestions.

Bobbybird40 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:35:39

Kitty - why not just have a drink to calm the nerves? Then go over and shag him?

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:53:43

i did try to be assertive but he didnt seem to go out for lunch.
guess i need to see how it plays out, and it not my style to shag him i have a rule about that

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 13:56:36

kitty <stern voice> get on tht bloody phone, tell him you were being a twat, and go and don't shag him/shag him if you want to, just go and have a good time, dont over analyse - just have a nice day, its only 2pm, still the whole afternoon left smile do it now ffs

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 14:02:03

i texted saying id rather meet in publicagain before i go to his but not heard out back

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 14:04:32

now whilst i get thts the sensible route, after a first date i think that text says "im still not comfortable with you, but i'll give it another go in a public place" id not be texting back either, sadly.

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 14:04:52

If you're not happy about having arranged to go to his, get him to drive to yours where you can exit your home as soon as he arrives loudly calling over your shoulder to your dm/df/db/dsis, or whatever imaginary pal you have staying over, that you'll let them know what time to expect you back.

Don't forget a couple of lights on and you won't feel obliged to invite him in for coffee when he drops you home as x (imaginary being) is waiting for you to help them with some task or other

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