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I've never admitted our problems on MN before...

(102 Posts)
Chubfuddler Sun 03-Feb-13 05:07:58

But I've read an awful lot of threads about abusive husbands. And imagining what my thread would look like, imagining your replies, knowing what you would say (because I've read the same threads over and over, and even dished out advice I wasn't ready to take myself) finally gave me the courage to leave.

The DCs and are are crammed in my mums spare room. For a while my life will be a topsy turvey mess but I don't care.

Because no man is ever going to hit me again.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

mcmooncup Tue 05-Feb-13 10:23:27

Well done Chub, it really is great news smile
I understand you not feeling great.....the realisation of what you've been living like is pretty devastating.
I always thought I was a confident strong person so how could this have happened to me?!?! I just didn't get it.

The only thing 2 years later is that yes I am confident and strong like I thought, I just had NO idea about boundaries with male relationships for many many reasons.....dad relationship, society bullshit pressuring women to put up and shut up....I could go on.
Opening your eyes is unsettling and scary but ultimately it really makes for true happiness and authenticity. Stick with it, educate yourself, talk and NEVER be ashamed grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 05-Feb-13 10:10:48

Chub you are amazing! <stamps foot>

The main thing to focus on is you did get out, and you have therefore provided your DC's with a much more stable and loving future.

GarbledMessage Tue 05-Feb-13 07:39:52

In every abusive relationship i've witnessed or heard of the abuser gives just enough honey to keep his victim trapped, over time the abused needs less and less of the good parts to keep them there because their self esteem (which is often already low because of the crap life has dealt them, these men/women choose their victims wisely) is abused away from them. It takes time then for them to see that actually they ARE in an abusive relationship. You can't beat yourself up about this, the important part of all of it is that you left.

Your DS will remember a mum who had the courage to walk away from a man who was no good for her or her children. That's a powerful message to send to him, that if someone is no good for you, you can walk away to something better. (Especially if you are able to be honest with him about why in time.)

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Tue 05-Feb-13 01:32:22

Chub - don't be down on yourself for not leaving sooner sad You have done it now and that takes great courage!

DS will be affected by what has happened and he will be affected by you leaving now - he will be affected by a million and one things in his life, it's how we grow and are shaped into the people we become. He has learnt that what happened was wrong and that you were strong and did the right thing. He will learn how to treat women with respect & love - not his fists.

Plomino Tue 05-Feb-13 00:48:45

Oh well done . In the words of someone I knew who did exactly the same

'That was the first day of the best of my life ' And it was . Really really well done . Many people would give anything to have your courage .

Chubfuddler Tue 05-Feb-13 00:48:19

Thank you so much. I don't feel amazing tbh, I feel like a mug who put up for much too long. I just hope the Dcs haven't been damaged by all this. DD is so little she should be fine but DS is so sensitive.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Tue 05-Feb-13 00:41:29

<<Big Hug>>

You have done the right thing and you will be OK, better than OK - fan-bloody-tastic!!! <in time> but right now it will be one big fucking roller coaster of emotions. This is not what you wanted and no matter how bad things were, you have still lost the dream version you had of your future with your DH.

The advice you gave others was no doubt sound and also helped you to build up the courage to do this.

Stay strong my lovely.

garlicblocks Tue 05-Feb-13 00:32:12

Oh, Chub, this is amazing. I feel a bit soppy! And awestruck - you're doing everything so right, and have even managed to get back to school & work. You must be exhausted.

I'm wishing you good progress, and some dollops of good luck smile

chipmonkey Mon 04-Feb-13 23:28:01

Good for you, chub! Onwards and upwards, no limits!

TheSamling Mon 04-Feb-13 23:17:57

Well done Chub. It must have taken a great deal of courage. Every step now is a step away from him and towards your future. Don't ever let him make you look back.

Lueji Mon 04-Feb-13 22:35:12

"left my husband" is a bit of a conversation killer.

It depends on how you take it.
With me it ends up being a conversation starter. shock I just use those opportunities as free therapy. grin

BluelightsAndSirens Mon 04-Feb-13 22:26:33

Compared with living on eggshells this is a fucking breeze

Remember ^ when things feel tough x

trustissues75 Mon 04-Feb-13 22:22:43

Sending you lots of self-esteem and strength building vibes. You're very brave.

Tortington Mon 04-Feb-13 22:21:27

you're awesome xx well done

withjamin Mon 04-Feb-13 22:19:06

Things like this make so proud of MN and MNetters. You've done a grand thing, brave and strong and full of hope. this first day will probably feel weirder than all the others. Keep going, and good luck.

Oh great, I wondered if your parents were not in your area & therefore you'd have to be finding new work/school/nursery near them.

Keeping the routine the same as much as possible will help all of you I'm sure & the calmer home life, will make things a lot easier in some ways.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 04-Feb-13 15:24:14

Well done chub you are amazing! Trust me, it is a much better life! I always wondered why I cried so much and had bad anxiety. Turns out it was the abuse. When that is gone, your life becomes one hundred times better. Your life becomes your own.

Being able to relax in your home, although it will take time, is amazing! You can do/wear/eat/talk to who ever or whatever you want.

Most importantly your children are safe now, and you have shown them that you do not and should not have to put up with behaviour like this.

I wish you and your family all the best, and it does get easier smile

HecateWhoopass Mon 04-Feb-13 15:18:44

Well done for getting out.

I'm sorry that you suffered in silence for so long.

Wishing you a really really really bright future! xx

elizadofuckall Mon 04-Feb-13 15:15:42

Well done...your sentence Because no man is ever going to hit me again. brought tears to my eyes. I know how that feels.

Really really well done x

chubbychipmonk Mon 04-Feb-13 15:08:23

Well done! Make sure you save this thread so that on days to come if you ever have a wobble or wonder that you did the right thing you can remind yourself what a brave thing you did & what a strong person you are!!

You should be proud of yourself! smile

Well done for getting everyone back into their routine for Monday including yourself back to work. You are awesome !

Of course not an easy day - but it is going to be so worth it !

What did you do on your days off ? "Watched "Call the midwife" ? - telly's always a good cover and something to say if you don't want to talk about real stuff wink

AnyFucker Germany Mon 04-Feb-13 14:49:08

Chub, you won't be the first and you won't be the last. Hang in there. It will all get sorted eventually and this too shall pass.

Chubfuddler Mon 04-Feb-13 13:06:16

We are ok. I'm back at work and they're at school and nursery as usual. Am wading through lists, and lists of lists to make myself feel in control. Am actually finding today tougher than I expected."what did you get up to on your days off" "left my husband" is a bit of a conversation killer.

AnyFucker Germany Mon 04-Feb-13 11:56:10

Good on you, chub, and thanks for posting this for others to see x

LesBOFerables Mon 04-Feb-13 11:55:48

Brilliant news- you've done yourself proud. thanks

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