Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I've never admitted our problems on MN before...

(102 Posts)
Chubfuddler Sun 03-Feb-13 05:07:58

But I've read an awful lot of threads about abusive husbands. And imagining what my thread would look like, imagining your replies, knowing what you would say (because I've read the same threads over and over, and even dished out advice I wasn't ready to take myself) finally gave me the courage to leave.

The DCs and are are crammed in my mums spare room. For a while my life will be a topsy turvey mess but I don't care.

Because no man is ever going to hit me again.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Gotitwrong Sun 03-Feb-13 10:57:18

Hello :-)
Stay strong and focused on you and your children. I was where you are 20 months ago although luckily I stayed in the house.
I am now divorced and free and happy :-)
I don't know how long you had suffered for but like me I suspect too long.
Strong women with kids stay "for the kids" but trust me that's the wrong decision on so many levels and I can see that now!!
You and your children deserve peace, love, harmony and happiness, respect and fun......trust me that will happen :-)
Just dig deep and look forward not backward and your dreams will become a reality - good luck xx

magimedi Sun 03-Feb-13 10:58:33

You are a brave & inspirational woman. Huge congratulations.

CremeEggThief Sun 03-Feb-13 11:01:58

Chub, so pleased you have made that leap. Well done. thanks

Well done you and welcome to your awesome new life. smile

pictish Sun 03-Feb-13 11:11:24

Congratulations!

You have done the right thing. No question.
Very well done, and lots of love. xxx

motherinferior Sun 03-Feb-13 11:22:45

Congratulations grin

EvenBetter Sun 03-Feb-13 11:42:00

Congratulations!
Your children will adore you forever for escaping. I'm a child of a strong, amazing woman who did what you've done and we think of them as heroes in the true sense of the world.
Feel the weight lift off your shoulders!
Money & housing & court issues etc will be nothing now you've got rid of the trash!

Well done you. You and your children deserve so much more than an abusive husband and father.

Good on you Chub thanks great to hear such positive news.

Lueji Sun 03-Feb-13 11:48:36

Congratulations on leaving and calling the police. smile

It is indeed a lot easier. It's just that first step that seems so hard. But the wall crumbles as soon as you push it.

You mentioned about not being proud. I think that's quite right.
Often we stay because we don't want to admit that we chose the wrong person. That our lives aren't perfect. That we are "weak" and not really in control of our lives.
It is ok to ask for support and it's ok to admit to what is wrong in our lives. smile

BTW, "Because no man is ever going to hit me again."
well, another man could hit you again. You can't prevent that. And it won't be your failure.
But, hopefully, you won't let him hit you a second time. That is the key.

Midwife99 Sun 03-Feb-13 11:49:59

Congratulations - I'm so glad you got out & have RL support. You know I'm sure that he will start sending flowers etc to try to get you back but stay strong & MNetters are always here for support. smile

imustbepatient Sun 03-Feb-13 11:50:59

My huge congratulations to you. I know your comment about eggshells will resonate with many many people. I'm sure your words will become a part of someone else's decision to make that same step away from a terrible situation and on to a positive happy future where your life is on your own terms.

Chubfuddler Sun 03-Feb-13 11:54:54

True someone could hit me. But the first time they do will also be the last time.

Lueji Sun 03-Feb-13 11:58:34

I only mentioned it because if it were to happen, it could make you feel worse than with ex, as you might feel that it was your fault in failing to prevent it, or choosing the wrong man again.

Hopefully, you'd put the blame fully on him.

And, hopefully, it won't happen again. Remember the red flags, but just don't go overboard and don't let this put you off men forever. grin

Dryjuice25 Sun 03-Feb-13 12:13:34

Awesome resolve. Very inspirational to others in the same situation.
A bit teary here. Brings memories when ex hit me really badly and I left immediately. Like you I resolved that no man would ever hit me again.

Make sure you recalibrate your twunt radar like Lueji said.
Keep strong. Good luck.

kalidanger Sun 03-Feb-13 12:20:01

Just another voice saying "YES, aren't you great!" and thinking the world is a happier place today thanks

Hullygully Sun 03-Feb-13 12:22:02

<hugs chub>

You are very brave. Well done. It can only get better.

searching4serenity Sun 03-Feb-13 12:22:49

Well done Chub, now you can smile without worrying what's in store for you later, should the OH be in a bad mood.

So glad when ppl successfully leave DV situations & post on MN, hope it inspires someone else to take the kids & leave...

Keep smiling things can only get better from now on! Big hug!

shine0ncrazydiamond Sun 03-Feb-13 13:01:07

Well done. Keep strong and never go back!

pollypandemonium Sun 03-Feb-13 13:04:18

Wow - did this happen last night? How are you and dcs?

thanks

Thumbwitch Sun 03-Feb-13 13:07:00

Well done Chub! winethanks and brew for good measure (as it's a bit early for wine)

It takes a lot of strength to do what you've done - now you can start rebuilding your life and your self-esteem, brilliant! smile

gingerchick Sun 03-Feb-13 13:11:33

Well done Chub congratulations and your new life starts here! It will be the best decision you ever made, believe in yourself because we all believe in you xxx

Sunnywithshowers Sun 03-Feb-13 13:47:58

Well done Chub thanks

AlistairSim Sun 03-Feb-13 14:02:46

Nice one, Chub!

thanks

Skyebluesapphire Sun 03-Feb-13 14:11:56

Well done! I was talking about this in counselling on Friday, not that I have ever been a sufferer of DV, but we were talking about the fear of the future, the fear of the unknown and she said that is the reason why most DV sufferers stay where they are because of the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, how will they manage, money housing etc and also the fear that nobody else will ever want them, because that is usually what they are told. (She also does Victim Support).

She said that once they face up to that fear and realise that the future will be OK, that they will survive and that they will be happy, happier, than they are now, no matter what, then they finally find the courage to leave. Because it does take courage to leave.

All the best for the future. You have made that all important first step into the unknown and you will be fine xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now