Am feeling really sad today. Can't tell anyone so putting here
MrCM has thrown me. I am really good at no strings, always have been. Rubbish at relationships as I'm impulsive and very straight talking. Men like it when it's no strings but lots see it as weird.
A year MrCM has been contacting me, we'd chat, discuss meeting up for casual then stop talking. He is on POF all day every day. We finally meet, all good. Spend a few days being flirty, no filth at all, looking to have the IE. He pops in last saturday, my kids weren't supposed to be here but all were out til 1am. Gave us an hour and we chatted and snogged. The next day - you're sexy, beautiful, more flirty, talking of next time. As the week goes on, smaller messages, answering but one or two words, few questions but nothing much.
I know he isn't a player, I know he hasn't had any action since his marriage ended four years ago. He says he now isn't ready for anything. And he could shag and run but that's not him and he wouldn't treat someone nice like that. Last night he said I'm the only person he has had a date with in four years, only person he has kissed. I think I believe him. He said he talks to people online but doesn't want to meet them
I left it in his hands, told him I am open to friendship, dating or shagging and it's no big deal and I really thought he would contact me today, so far nothing. I don't get it. I don't like it. I rarely meet someone I like, I though my luck would change. Even if it was a casual thing. Why would someone make so much effort to get a shag but then not go through with it???
I have hotbut but all I have is huge physical attraction, no meeting of minds. I talk to him but just want him to shut up and get on with it. I liked all of MrCM
I had telephone call with LennyKravitz lookalike but his caribbean accent was so strong, I only could catch every other word. Felt really stupid having to keep saying 'sorry'. He prob thinks I am airhead with no manners
But all the while I was hoping MrCM had messaged me
I've deleted MrCM phone/email details. All phone messages, all pof messages - he is hidden on there, so won't be able to find him again. Wish I hadn't now, just want to say hi but I know I can't. Have a knot of anxiety in my chest, feel like crying (but won't) trying to keep busy. Do some really have difficulty with being ready for intimates??? Or do we think it's just an excuse?
Thanks for reading, just wanted to spill somewhere. Kicking myself for being so stupid about it all