Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

Monty27 Wed 06-Feb-13 16:44:15

IM he may try and resume contact. Ignore all.

keep up the good work. smile

irrationalme Wed 06-Feb-13 18:30:42

Oh, there has been contact.

whilst emailing about his stuff that needs collecting, he was saying how he would never knowingly upset me and he's not a bad person.

I told him he's in denial and not a bad person but behaving like a cunt.

This elicited a poetic apology, saying my comments hurt, telling me he still loves me now as hes always done.

I sent back an extensive email refusing to apologise for my comments, detailing evidence he cannot deny exposing his untruthfulness, and details of how I want him to come here and pack his own things calmly, to show the DCs there is no animosity between us ( they have been told by me that we have disagreed, I am not happy and I have asked him to leave at this time ) and have a talk to them. In other words, face your responsibilites as its the decent thing to do.

Disappearing man with bin bags being thrown after him is not a good experience for them , afterall hes been a part of their lives too.

Hes sent me a text saying he is going to respond with truth, he needs to take a long hard look at himself.

Meanwhile I when I wake in the morning, just out of sleep I feel a sense of relief to be here alone with DCs. I miss him, it hurts but I know its the right thing now

Monty27 Wed 06-Feb-13 21:06:15

IM, we don't need men like this in our lives.

My exdp see himself as a saint. He wasn't. I try not to engage in contact but he reels me in often.

He needs to pick up stuff too (a drum kit etc) but I don't intend on being here. And dc's don't care if they never see him again. They sized him up before I did.

I'm hurting too. But resolved still.

Big virtual hug.

irrationalme Thu 07-Feb-13 07:40:16

thanks Monty, Yes we do not need men in our lives whose behaviour is less than desirable.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 11:44:06

You're intending to let this man of low morals into your home again for the purpose of packing his belongings and enacting a farce in front of your dc in which his role is that of an adult who faces up to his responsibilities?

Are you entertaining some notion that your plan will lead to his reformation and maybe a reconcilation because, after all, he still loves you and always has done? hmm

What you're proposing is an exercise in futility; he's gone and the only reason for his return should be to collect his ready packed belongings, preferably when your dc are not around.

FWIW, I would imagine your dc detected his bullshit some considerable time ago and I fail to see any reason why they should have to smell hear any more of it.

BeCool Thu 07-Feb-13 11:52:38

"Meanwhile I when I wake in the morning, just out of sleep I feel a sense of relief to be here alone with DCs."

I can totally relate to this. Yes I'm missing my exP, but the sense of relief not to be living under his moody cloud, is like a kiss & a hug on waking every morning. Just to wake up happy, me and my girls, is glorious!!

really inspiring thread irrationalme - you're doing so well.

irrationalme Thu 07-Feb-13 20:17:43

izzy, He sent me a beautiful letter, so I beautifully told him to fuck off.

<wanders off to look for binbags>

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 20:45:53

Con-men are noted for their flowery prose, honey.

Bin-bags are a considerable courtesy on your part and I suggest you give him 24 hours to collect them from outside your home before they're taken to the tip.

Monty27 Fri 08-Feb-13 15:29:15

grin at binbags. Exdp used my really nice strong gardening bags git.

How are you faring up IM? Stay strong.

BesameBesame Fri 08-Feb-13 16:47:54

IM if it wasn't for your thread I would probably have still been virtually on my knees with exhaustion but carrying on in the futile hope that…… well it's all academic now.

I ended it last night. Thank you IM.

irrationalme Fri 08-Feb-13 20:50:14

wobbly now and again but fine thankyou. This is not easy, oh hell no, but theres this little voice inside me that keeps switching back on 'this is absolutely the right path to take at this time'.

Took DCs out to dinner tonight at a friends restuarant. When I phoned her up earlier in the week and told her I had asked him to leave she said 'ah, he's insincere'. I hadn't even said why I had asked him to go and she hasn't seen me since before christmas.

izzyizin Sat 09-Feb-13 03:51:28

You should be asking yourself why is it that everyone else can see it except you?

irrationalme Sat 09-Feb-13 08:42:11

I can now Izzy, I won't go back.

I have two wonderful DCs, worked hard for my house, have a great job and wonderful friends and family. I am fullfilled, know my own mind and am happy to live alone.

Reading this board for three years has helped raise my bar.

I definately won't be going back; someone said upthread, words are cheap its actions that speak volumes and this is so so true.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now