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Think my relationship is about to implode

(113 Posts)
irrationalme Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:23

have N'cd; been on this board for three years and have learn't a lot.

Suddenly I feel very uneasy about the man I love. Don't want to say too much incase I'm found on here IYKWIM.
he lives with me and DCS, my house, i'm fully self supporting - hes having tough time, his financial support is probably 20% of what he should be paying.

Suddenly everything seems wrong, its like the mist has lifted and I'm feeling the need to extricate myself. If it smells fishy, it is...isn't it?

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 00:59:12

when I think of all the times he's told me that i shouldn't let people take advantage, never tell anyone anything that isn't going to benefit me, and if we'd met when we were younger, this is his joke : 'nah, i'd have stolen all your money' ha ha....

suburbophobe Sat 02-Feb-13 01:10:07

i've basically been supporting him since hes been here.

I do all the cooking/cleaning/washing/DCs needs/sex on tap/bring him tea/pay all the bills

He wants to buy with me, which means I have to leave area

he left his wife of many years by leaving a letter on the kitchen table

Just read these back. He wants to buy with you although living off you. So, does he expect YOU to buy and him to move in? If he has assets to buy why is he living off you?

Did his wife pay for everything too?

Once he's got you in that new house that you have financed (taking you away from your support system) don't be surprised to find a letter on the kitchen table one day.

You deserve so much more than this, but you need to ask yourself why you are letting yourself be a doormat.

suburbophobe Sat 02-Feb-13 01:11:54

this is his joke : 'nah, i'd have stolen all your money' ha ha....

when a man tells you how he is, believe him

garlicblocks Sat 02-Feb-13 01:17:43

YY, suburbophobe! Irrationalme, that 'joke' made me gasp shock

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 01:27:04

This man's a thief and a coward. Robbed his wife of her dignity by leaving a note on her kitchen table and sneaking out the back door like the lily livered bag of gobshite he is.

Thieves and cowards are also liars. The chances are he'd never given a thought to you until you reappeared on his horizon and he saw an opportunity to freeload off you like he's freeloaded off every woman he's been involved with.

It's to be hoped that, now they've dropped off, those rosy specs won't fit you again.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 01:43:03

I don't need a man in my life , least of all this one now. Lots of small things I have ignored for a while . We don't fight, in fact get on well but I'm going to do a lot of listening this weekend. Will deal with his removal very soon.
I'm often on here giving advice, didnt think I'd be needing it.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 01:46:13

I've been really stressed out recently and couldn't quite put my finger on what has been causing it , think now it's him.

Seenenoughtoknow Sat 02-Feb-13 02:00:59

Your intuition has started screaming at you...it's a gift to warn you when things aren't right. This man sees you as a meal ticket. Please don't buy a house with him.

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 03:20:16

It's a myth that any of us need men in our lives, honey. It's what keeps weak women tolerating crap relationships with utter tossers like the one that's got his feet under your table.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 07:46:36

woken up this morning with even more flags waving in my head, its like an avalanche.
He thinks I spoil the DCS

I think 'woken up' is he phrase, irrational
I think you are starting to see this for what it is.

Keep talking

....also izzy do you never sleep?

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 08:34:03

Hah! What the fuck's it got to do with him if you do? Your house, your rules, and when it comes to your dc he can keep his beak out of it.
The brass nerve of some of these twats is beyond belief.

This one couldn't make it plainer the's a self-entitled controlling twunt than if he had a sign attached to the top of his head illuminated by flashing red lights.

FFS do yourself a favour. Tell him to fuck off out of your home today and don't hesitate to call the police if the arse gets arsey.

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 08:42:45

Due to a current ailment I'm grabbing zzzzs when I can Norks as the side effects of strong painkillers leave a lot to be desired, albeit they may be desirable for reacreational purposes some.

Unfortuntely, this means I'm rarely able to get my head down for much longer than 3-4 hours before pain intrudes on my sleep .

joblot Sat 02-Feb-13 08:45:08

Do you like him? Can you talk about alsorts? If your life isn't better for having him in it then you have your answer I think. You sound a bit panicky from your posts, it that how you feel?

MushroomSoup Sat 02-Feb-13 08:58:23

You are allowed to spoil your DCs, if you wish to. What does that have to do with him? It's not his money you're spending!

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 09:04:20

joblot, I've always liked him. we can talk.

I took him some tea this morning and we had a little chat, but this time I was properly listening. We talked personal stuff, something happened in the week that I didn't like, talked about that. During the conversation we had:

an incident of gaslighting where I questioned him on something he said and he said he never said it - it was very insulting to me; he even changed the words idiot

he blamed me for the way he behaved in the week, subtly, but he did.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 09:08:12

I admit I have been spending time thinking about what I'd do with my money if he wasn't around. I'm not afraid to chuck him out, I'm a bit interested to see what he has to say at the moment and I plan to discuss money - his reaction will tell all.

My gut feeling is its all going tits up very soon

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 09:12:32

It sounds to me as if it going tits up can't come soon enough for the welfare and wellbeing of yourself, your dc, and your long-suffering purse.

If you reckon you'll miss having a male to 'talk' to, invest in a parrot.

Seenenoughtoknow Sat 02-Feb-13 09:20:24

Thank goodness you can see the gaslighting...I think it's really amazing that your eyes have been opened to him like this. You're very lucky to be so aware of these early signs because so many women sleepwalk into these kinds of relationships and find themselves in a wholly abusive (usually married with DCs) mess years later when it dawns on them what's happened.

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 09:44:23

Seenenough; the reason I think is because I've trodden this path before. I did 15 years with hardcore abuse from exH (at least he was blatantly abusive) - this one presents it all in a different way.
I bought the lundy bancroft book a while ago, never read it yet have found myself frantically looking for it to read now.
I've also read so much stuff on here, and the advice and its like its all come into sharp focus.
hes gone off out to do something for the day, I mentioned what about dinner tonight which he was very evassive and didn't want to be pinned down, I didn't push it just wanted to see his reaction. He does come and go as he pleases.
Up until yeaterday I was thinking how could I ever live without him; i'm now thinking about how quickly I'm chucking him out.
He is also full of his self importance

Its all been there, I just refused to see it. with exh i had no money/property/mumsnet - I now have money/property/mumsnet

AnyFucker Sat 02-Feb-13 09:51:21

Listen to your instincts

They are serving you well

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 09:52:56

Hes in love with himself not me though he puts on a jolly good show.

well I'm in love with myself these days, which in a funny sort of way is partly due to him being 'loving'. this week I've seen cracks due to the fact he made a very fundemental mistake.
I have also known him to lie, on more than one occasion.

izzyizin Sat 02-Feb-13 09:56:25

What are this twunt's good points? To borrow a phrase from AF, do they include a ginormous golden dick?

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 10:01:12

At the moment I'm trying hard to think of them Izzy

<goes off to try>

irrationalme Sat 02-Feb-13 10:02:49

It's no wonder I've been feeling like shit recently, need to lose some weight about fourteen stone

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