My husband of 20+ years cheated on me over a long period of time (have posted about this before) and from the moment I found out, never really showed any penitence or interest in rebuilding our relationship.
He is currently having a lovely time organising dinners with all our former couple friends at his new house where his current (pregnant) girlfriend cooks for the happy foursome and the water has apparently flowed seamlessly over my head.
I accept the marriage is over (I am divorcing him, he couldn't care less about getting a divorce as he thinks it will be cheaper for him if we don't divorce and he seems to have no trouble picking up a stream of considerably younger women who don't seem to care at all that he is married with children and all of whom are, of course, the soulmates that I never was) and am at the stage where I accept that the relationship I thought I had did not in fact exist and I don't want or expect him to come back as it can't be mended.
BUT my never very great self-esteem is completely in pieces. I feel so stupid for not knowing that he was cheating and for thinking that we had a great relationship. I feel terribly lonely and isolated - he was my best friend (except of course he wasn't). I am trying hard to build a new social life but always feel that people are seeing me out of pity and it always always seems to be me initiating contact. I feel defective (he charmingly told me that he wanted someone worthy of him), old and unattractive and as though anyone else must be more attractive and likeable than me. I feel I have wasted my entire life and that I am a deluded idiot for ever thinking that I was loved, competent or reasonably attractive.
I am unemployed, having been made redundant, and have applied for lots of jobs but just get silence back (which seems to be the normal way of turning down an application these days). This obviously doesn't help even though I recognise that my age (over 50) makes it harder to get employment.
It's been like this for 18 months now. Is this just a phase? Do other people who have been through the breakdown of a long term relationship spend a period of a year or more feeling like this but time will cure it? It would really help to hear from others who have been in a similar position.
Thanks.
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So I'm over my ex but how on earth do I recover my self esteem?
17 replies
3mum · 30/01/2013 22:46
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