Hi, this is my first ever post on this site so please bear with me if I'm posting in the wrong forum/breaking rules/waffling etc.
Brief background:2 DDs 10 & 7, Husband left me 3 years ago (we are now divorced but have an amicable relationship).
I joined an internet dating site a year ago, more to get my confidence back after nearly 20 years in a relationship. I was clear that I wanted to date but didnt want anything serious. Started seeing a lovely guy in March and we are still seeing each other. We chat on phone most evenings and see each other every other weekend when my DDs are with their Dad. We live approx 50 mins from each other.
He has told me that he loves me and I do have feelings for him but I fear that they are not strong enough and I dont want to mess him about. I have met his 3 children and his parents on 2 occasions in nearly a year - just a brief 'hello' before we went out to dinner. This is totally down to me not wanting to meet them, or be more active in their lives (he is a single parent and has his kids full time). He still hasnt met my children. He is understanding, not pushing as my eldest daughter has said she doesnt want to meet him but I think I am using her as a convenient excuse.
I didn't tell my DDs that I was seeing someone for 6 months, I refuse to stay overnight at his house when his children are there even though they have asked if I will; I freeze at the thought of him asking me to a big family occasion and he hasnt met any of my friends nor have I met any of his. Part of me thinks its just fear of commitment having been hurt in the past but there is a niggling part of me that wonders if it is that my feelings arent strong enough for him. Do I wait and see if my feelings strengthen? do I 'man up' and introduce him to my DDs and see how I feel once I've made that step (that has taken on massive significance in my mind) or do I end the 'relationship' and allow him to find someone who will want to be part of his daily life?
I thought it would get better with time but it hasn't. I still feel very strongly that I dont want to become part of his daily life nor he part of mine. I like the every other weekend without kids arrangement although recognise it is limiting and I think it is developing into a 'friends with benefits' type relationship. I havent got a problem with this except I know he wants more. I have been very upfront about what I am able/willing to give in terms of a relationship but still feel that he is hoping that my feelings will change...
All advice gratefully received. Thanks
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Relationships
Dating for a nearly a year but still not met my children. Is this normal to feel this way?
16 replies
Meaningoflife · 28/01/2013 21:27
OP posts:
Hesterton ·
02/02/2013 18:50
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