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Is this emotional abuse? Please advise.

(52 Posts)
lupo Sat 26-Jan-13 19:24:46

DH if often prone to sudden outbursts that come from nowhere and then he acts as if nothing has happened. Today driving home the conversation goes as follows.

Him: I am going to stop and get some mushrooms.
Me: Oh I bought some yesterday so no need
Him: fgs I just want to go into shop for vegetables
Me: erm ok

He comes out empty handed and I say 'what did you need to get'

Him: Fgs I just wanted to get a fizzy drink
Me_ Oh well why didnt you just be honest in the first place. ? Why mention mushrooms.
Him: fine I will be honest ..I don't always like you when you are being like this...

WTF. This was all said infront of ds who got upset. It happened just after dh beeped at another driver for getting too close...

I normally leave it but today told him he was being increduble hurtful.

His response was that I am a shit wife, treat him badly and never stick up for him.

I am pretty placid, he often kicks off over nothing. I am pretty sure am a good wife also. The blaime is also shifted on to me and I find these incidents pretty upsetting. Any one shed any light? I get regular I love you text etc so don't think the love has gone on his part.

Is this part of normal life, am I overreacting. help!!!

Herrena Sun 03-Feb-13 16:38:55

But Lupo, if your son is sensitive then he'll be picking up on how nasty your H is being anyway. Your DS may be modifying his own behaviour so as not to upset daddy - children often do when they have parents like this. So you might not think he's picking up on it but in fact he's picking up on it all too well.

I'm sorry it's harsh and I'm sure you don't want to hear it, but I think that's the case. As for how easy it would be too walk... you wouldn't be the first and won't be the last and many women on this board have done it and will be very happy to advise you.

I think you have to choose the lesser of two evils for your DS; a home with both parents where daddy occasionally treats mummy like she's shit, or a home with one parent who isn't trying desperately to hold it together in the face of an awful atmosphere but is instead happy.

You are not wrong to want your son to grow up in a happy environment. Your DH is deliberately making you unhappy. This situation is of his making, not yours, and you would be perfectly justified in changing it for the better.

Lupo,

re your earlier comment:-

"I am only hanging on in there for ds, to give him a 'family unit' but we will see. The strange things is I don't now why he is acting like this".

Your DS is smart and probably thinks his parents fighting with each other is somehow his fault. Detaching and ignoring certainly will not make your DS feel better. The best thing you can do for the two of you is to tell your H to leave.

I can tell you why your DH is acting like this - its because he can and feels entitled to do so. He feels he is doing nothing wrong and he wants to drag you down with him, he will also drag down your child because he does not really care about him either. This is what emotionalluy abusive men do.

Please do not hang on in there for your DS; he will just learn more damaging lessons from the two of you as to how relationships are conducted. This is not the role model you want him to learn from and emulate as an adult. Also he should not be used by you as the glue to bind your horrid H and you together.

If you were to stay within this dysfunction your son won't thank you for doing so. He could instead ask you why you chose to put his horrid dad before him instead and you could wreak your own relationship with him as a result.

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