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I'm really struggling with DH and this issue with his siblings

(8 Posts)
drizzlecake Fri 25-Jan-13 20:01:08

If there was so much money why did they need to cut him out?
I think you can challenge a will. Though it's probably too late to do that.
What does remaining parent say.
If DH is really hurt he can cut ties with the miserable siblings.

Nanny0gg Fri 25-Jan-13 19:55:21

His siblings have, in effect, stolen from his children. That is unforgiveable. If he's not going to contest the will then I can't see why he would want anything to do with them.

KevinFoley Fri 25-Jan-13 11:27:23

Thank you for your thoughts. I know, it's very odd and inexplicable to me as I come from a family who talk to each other about stuff. Also we had no money and so there was never anything to squabble over. I've suggested he stays in contact with them and takes kids with him only in recent visits but he won't go without me (probably because it will look odd and then he'll be forced to say why I'm not there and have to enter into the conversation he doesn't want to have). I'm not a good actress and am finding it impossible to go there and behave as if nothing is wrong. Oh dear.

whattodoo Fri 25-Jan-13 11:20:29

Gosh, I don't know what to suggest then.

Maybe let him meet them on his own the next few times so that you don't have to put on a false face. Then see if he either decides to address it, they explain, or it just gets swept under the carpet. If the latter, I don't know what you do.

KevinFoley Fri 25-Jan-13 11:13:38

No history with fallings out, money, etc, DH thought his parent loved him. Parent was well off and talked a lot about fairness and wanting to do things right but then changed will on deathbed. Siblings are competitive and all live in same area, we live elsewhere but DH was the one who got on well with and stayed in touch most with everyone. That is why this is so awful imo. Parents were divorced and other parent is still alive. There is nothing to explain this really.

whattodoo Fri 25-Jan-13 11:05:41

Sorry, just reread your op which refers only to one parent.

whattodoo Fri 25-Jan-13 11:04:30

Can see this from both sides. You can't make him tackle them if he doesn't want to. And he shouldn't expect you to socialise with his siblings as though everything is as it always was.

Are you certain there isn't history which would explain the wills?

I presume both parents didn't die at the same time, so did both wills disadvantage your dh or just the second?

KevinFoley Fri 25-Jan-13 10:59:27

DH and I have been happily married a long time and have children. He's not someone who talks about his feelings much, neither is he good at confronting issues or with conflict. It is very difficult to argue with him as he retreats into his shell. We get on well so conflict is rare and it's not been a problem until just recently after his parent died following a short illness.We found out later that his siblings manipulated the parent's will while the parent was dying and the long and short of it is that DH was left next to nothing, while siblings benefit to the tune of hundreds of thousands each. There was no prior issue with DH and his parent or DH and his siblings, although his siblings have form for selfish behaviour.
DH was initially full of excuses for their behaviour, he then moved towards disappointment and strongly feeling that he'd been treated unfairly by them and his parent. He was so upset he cried which he has never done. But...he won't say anything to his family about this. Personally I am so cross, not so much at the money but the fact DH has been treated so shabbily by people who claimed to love him. I've pushed DH on a couple of occasions to discuss his feelings with his surviving family but he has avoided doing so (sticking his head in the sand as always) and we are expected to visit and pretend all is ok when I am struggling with us not being able to discuss this. I honestly don't think the prior relationships we had with them are salvageable while we cannot talk things through.
DH and I are now unable to discuss this without falling out. I am disappointed with him and feel he is a wimp (I haven't told him this) for not confronting them, and he feels I should just forget about it. He wants to retain some contact with his family and I am going to struggle with seeing them knowing what they did and that we can't have it out with them in a healthy way.
DH has completely retreated into his shell as never before and is moody and uncommunicative and I feel I'm being punished and made out to be the bad person as it is safer for him to blame me. I talked to him last night and he admitted his coldness towards me was to do with this situation, he said he was in the wrong and apologised. To add some perspective as I'm aware I could be perceived as nagging, we have literally discussed the situation maybe 3-4 times in the last year so it's not as though I've banged on about it.
I suppose the question now is how we move forward now when we are at stalemate...suggestions appreciated...

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