DH and I have been happily married a long time and have children. He's not someone who talks about his feelings much, neither is he good at confronting issues or with conflict. It is very difficult to argue with him as he retreats into his shell. We get on well so conflict is rare and it's not been a problem until just recently after his parent died following a short illness.We found out later that his siblings manipulated the parent's will while the parent was dying and the long and short of it is that DH was left next to nothing, while siblings benefit to the tune of hundreds of thousands each. There was no prior issue with DH and his parent or DH and his siblings, although his siblings have form for selfish behaviour.
DH was initially full of excuses for their behaviour, he then moved towards disappointment and strongly feeling that he'd been treated unfairly by them and his parent. He was so upset he cried which he has never done. But...he won't say anything to his family about this. Personally I am so cross, not so much at the money but the fact DH has been treated so shabbily by people who claimed to love him. I've pushed DH on a couple of occasions to discuss his feelings with his surviving family but he has avoided doing so (sticking his head in the sand as always) and we are expected to visit and pretend all is ok when I am struggling with us not being able to discuss this. I honestly don't think the prior relationships we had with them are salvageable while we cannot talk things through.
DH and I are now unable to discuss this without falling out. I am disappointed with him and feel he is a wimp (I haven't told him this) for not confronting them, and he feels I should just forget about it. He wants to retain some contact with his family and I am going to struggle with seeing them knowing what they did and that we can't have it out with them in a healthy way.
DH has completely retreated into his shell as never before and is moody and uncommunicative and I feel I'm being punished and made out to be the bad person as it is safer for him to blame me. I talked to him last night and he admitted his coldness towards me was to do with this situation, he said he was in the wrong and apologised. To add some perspective as I'm aware I could be perceived as nagging, we have literally discussed the situation maybe 3-4 times in the last year so it's not as though I've banged on about it.
I suppose the question now is how we move forward now when we are at stalemate...suggestions appreciated...
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Relationships
I'm really struggling with DH and this issue with his siblings
7 replies
KevinFoley · 25/01/2013 10:59
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