Back Story: Together 17 years. Married 10. DH had a series of one night stands 7 years ago. Women he met over the internet and met up with purely for sex and not relationship. He chatted to them online during his free time when he was on a 7 month deployment with the army. He then carried it on and eventually met up with these women once he got back to the UK. I found him out - all hell let loose. We split briefly. Things were shit for ages. Got back together and the last 6 years have been a tough journey but the last 2 years bloody good.
Really beginning to feel recently that we were back on track and I was really genuinely beginning to let properly go of all that had gone on before. We have 2 teen DC btw.
BUT - DH has recently been away on deployment for 6 months. He has been before since the infidelity 7 years back. He has been home 6 weeks now and I had noticed a few times that if I walked into a room when he was on the laptop he would be frantically clicking away. Always with the screen tilted away from me. I let it go a few times and others I openly and bluntly commented that it was as if he was hiding something. He openly joked back or flatley denied anything. I have told him loads of times that I dont have a problem with porn and if its porn - just be open about it but stop the secrecy.
So tonight I cannot sleep (worrying about problems with one of our DC). I am downstairs in the lounge. about an hour ago he got up and asked me if I fancied a cuppa. He then said it was cold, grabbed his laptop with a coffee and went back upto bed. About 30 minutes later I decided I was chilly so made a cuppa and decided to go upto bed as well.
I entered the bedroom and there he is deliberately moving the laptop so I cannot see the screen and frantically clicking away (I reckon to close it down). I ask what you looking at and get told "Nothing" . I get on the bed and ask to look. He firmly moves the laptop out of my reach. I joke about porn and jokingly demand to see what is on there but he actually gets a bit pissy and refuses, really swinging the laptop out of my reach. Eventually when he gets to his home screen/desktop he lets me see it but wont let me look at the history when I ask to. He then proceeds to shut it down - which I know and said so to him - he has it set to delete history on shutdown.
For the 1st time in 2 year I found myself referring to his previous - I made some sick comment about it either being "sick dodgy porn or some kebab flaps he hopes to meet" - Dont know why I came out with that comment or was so crude (maybe some resentment from before still there).
Anyway - I just picked up my cuppa and came back downstairs. He asked if I was coming to bed and I just said no, I wasnt tired.
Thats it.
Am I being paranoid? Should he - 7 years on still be being upfront and honest with me to help me eradicate my suspsicions?
I know no one here can tell me what he was doing, I am not sure why I have posted this tbh. Perhaps some opinions or thoughts may help me see the wood through the trees. After spending so many years in a paranoid fog - I thought I had come out the otherside. Tonight has thrown me. I am oddly calm but am definately miffed or rather pissed off more like.
I would like to add that I very very much doubt he was arranging a nice surprise for me -he is just not that type.
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Feeling unsure and unsettled
8 replies
changeofnametohidemyshame · 25/01/2013 03:48
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