Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

HELP!! advice on how to get my Dp to make friggin effort!!!

(7 Posts)
shutthebloodydoor Fri 25-Jan-13 00:43:29

Hi i know this isnt big as some of the issues on here but would like some advice on how to handle this- or maybe its just me! (by the way im ready for a flaming too!) Firstly i would like to say my dp is my best friend and truely a god send to me, i love him with all my being and i know he feels like that to me too. BUT im getting really frustrated with his lazyness-this goes from general chores dosnt do any even tho we both work, to wearing clothes that are falling off his back and are moth eaten,to not even washing his face or brushing his teeth 'cos he was tired and had a bath last night!'when on way to work! He is actually in management as well!! . He drives every thing in to the ground like our car, cant see through window of car as its filthy and ran out of window screen fluid.back seat is full of empty drinks bottles (wont let me clean it by the way as he says no ill take it to cleaners tomoro, but never does!) His hair needs cutting looks like he is 45 when actually 33. Ive bought him new clothes but he prefers the 90's style ( his choice i know!!!!) but i worry that its inapropriate(hideous spelling!) for his roll, i have even took to buying him 'smarter clothes' for work, but he dosnt like them. He is the least jugemental man i have ever met so he dosnt think that image is an issue, people dont care and all that. I will add that he is very generous and would give u his last penny, basically im worried that going to work looking like a chav/90's throw back will effect his up coming promise of a promotion as he needs to look sharp and in control. I dont wanna be a nag, if im out of order ill shut up, advice please rather than a flaming x

He sounds like a prime candidate for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - whatever happened to that?

Show him your OP, OP. Maybe split it into paragraphs. Make him read it out loud.

Me, I'd be telling him to shape up or ship out. If I was feeling generous I might show him pictures of some of his heroes (footballers or something?) dressed all chic for him to aspire to.

He sees a dentist and a dental hygienist tomorrow or he moves into the shed.

You wouldn't be being a nag if he responded to your (perfectly reasonable) requests in the first place.

SomethingProfound Fri 25-Jan-13 01:20:51

If it was just not helping around the house then I would say he is selfish but its the lack of effort with himself that makes me think there is an underlying issue such as depression.

Have talked to him about your concerns and frustrations?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 25-Jan-13 08:37:18

How long have you been together? Do you have kids? It's all very well being best friends and so on but things like personal grooming, hygiene and being lazy are too important to let go. What starts out as 'endearing idiosyncracy' can become the 'provocation' given by your defence counsel when you're on trial for burying the scruffy bugger under the patio. You shouldn't have to tell a grown man to brush his teeth or comb his hair.

shutthebloodydoor Fri 25-Jan-13 14:11:58

tallwithglasses he wouldnt mind the shed! its where his birds are!
somethingprofound he defo is not depressed, he is the funniest person i know,quite happy to put clothes on the next day with food stains down (for the grace of god not when he is at work!) his dad is the same though, and i have spoken to him loads of time about chores, hygene..ect. says he is sorry and knows he should do more, looks like a wounded puppy.
cogito been together a few years and expecting our first ( to which he talks to every night through my belly) The thing is when he does make an effort (very rare) he scrubs up very handsome! Heart of gold dress sence of stig of the dump lol xx

Aw, it sounds like the scruffy bastard has some redeeming features then. Keep hassling him. He'll be so sick of you going on he might come round in the end. Remind him there's only supposed to be one baby in the family grin

I am appalled that he can't even be arsed to brush his teeth! as someone else said- you wouldn't be a nag if he did what you asked first time. But wtf should you need to tell him? he is an adult not a child! Nothing is more unappealing than a man child angry Not sure what you can do, show him the thread? maybe he will see that the rest of the world does infact judge dirty men who can't be bothered to keep basic standards of hygiene.

btw- if he ain't pulling his weight chore wise pre baby, he won't pull his weight after, and you will have a lot less patience with those wounded pup eyes when you have a baby to look after as well as this filthy scruff.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now