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Red flag or grossly insensitive or what!!!

(215 Posts)
Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 16:34:33

Just spent the night with new man, first night, this morning he said you know you are pretty now but you would be amazing if you lost some weight?

I was dumbstruck, he then said so you gonna lose some weight then

I'm a 14

Very upset I will be honest

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 24-Jan-13 17:22:50

Yes it's controlling. Like my friend's boyfriend... the type that wants to dress you, fix your hair and remodel your contours is either a) Gok Wan... or b) a control freak. We're none of us perfect but a decent guy would like you just as you are. It's the old 'does my bum look big in this?' deal. Correct answer, every man knows even if the bum is the size of Albuquerque, is 'no'.

AgathaF Thu 24-Jan-13 17:23:04

good at fixing people - fixing what? Fixing them to his liking?

Massive red flag.

Please don't give it further thought. Just bin him, delete his number, FB etc. Then get on with your life and enjoy.

EuroShagmore Thu 24-Jan-13 17:23:33

Run run run.

Have you got your trainers on yet?

And please make the tiny c0ck comment when you say goodbye.

AgathaF Thu 24-Jan-13 17:24:15

You do know also, don't you, that even if you were to change every tiny little thing about you, he still would not be happy with you?

Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:25:19

Lol..Cogito its ringing bells, he told me my skirt was a bad choice as it was stripey and apparantly not flattering to wear vertical stripes

God. Run a mile.

Huge red flag. For being a dickhead anyway.

And tell him "look last night was ok but long term I don't think you would really satisfy me".

ivykaty44 Thu 24-Jan-13 17:32:14

run for the hills before control man sinks his claws into you and doesn't want to let go......

Charbon Thu 24-Jan-13 17:32:39

Oh come on OP! Surely all these other red flags must have told you what he was like and to run in the opposite direction? No adult woman needs anyone to 'look after her'. I'm wondering whether you've got a history of relationships with controlling men and you've been targeted by another one though?

Kernowgal Thu 24-Jan-13 17:36:23

My ex told me I'd be pretty "if you didn't have a double chin". He also told me I was "a bit porky" and the tops of my thighs were a bit fat.

I wish I'd had Cogito's riposte ready at that time. Yes, I could change all those things, but he would never stop being A MASSIVE WANKER.

As per one wise MNer: "When people show you who they are, believe them."

HotBurrito1 Thu 24-Jan-13 17:36:57

Fashion advice too? Delightful! He really isn't a keeper.

He wasn't Gok was he?

EldritchCleavage Thu 24-Jan-13 17:39:42

Erm, do you think it was a statement designed to put you off? Save him the trouble of extricating himself from any relationshippy stuff once you'd done the deed?
Don't want to upset you more but it is a very odd and clearly unkind thing to say, it made me wonder.
Either way, he is Not Very Nice, LTB.

Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:40:06

Hes texted twice in the last hour, first I ignored, and the second he said have you got my text

Not sure if I should tell him how badly he acted or just ignore

HotBurrito1 Thu 24-Jan-13 17:43:44

Oh just say you couldn't possibly be seen again with someone with such a poor sense of style.

Im a size 14. I would just frigging well dump him. You deserve better than to be put down in this insensitive manner.

Charbon Thu 24-Jan-13 17:44:09

Do you want to dump him?

If so, either text him or ring him and tell him why you are doing that.

Ignoring him is daft. He needs to know.

piratecat Thu 24-Jan-13 17:45:23

i would have the very last word op.

i would say,' your comments about my size were rude do not contact me again'

AND LEAVE IT AT THAT!!

really really rude op. a rocky road imo.

JustAHolyFool Thu 24-Jan-13 17:45:53

It would be "dumpsville. Population: you" from me. Same as any man who said anything about my body that wasn't 100% positive.

Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:45:53

Hes just texted again saying where are you, is it bad form to dump by text, I do not fancy talking to him

piratecat Thu 24-Jan-13 17:47:19

of course not. why are you bothered about his feelings. he's a twat.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 24-Jan-13 17:47:43

So tempting to read him the Riot Act but, then again, probably a massive waste of time. "I got your text. Don't appreciate being told I'm fat. You're no oil painting yourself. We're through"

CheeseStrawWars Thu 24-Jan-13 17:48:02

It's bad form to say what he said. Dump by text.

piratecat Thu 24-Jan-13 17:48:07

how long have you been seeing him anyway

WowOoo Thu 24-Jan-13 17:48:52

I'd tell him that I don't want to spend time with someone who speaks so bluntly when you are only getting to know each other.

You appreciate his honesty, but he'd be better off with someone who thinks his advice is good.

Give him the message. He'll prob feel awful. I think he sounds like he really likes you and didn't think about what he was saying (am not defending him, just preparing you!)

piratecat Thu 24-Jan-13 17:49:09

give him the boot op. waste of time

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