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Red flag or grossly insensitive or what!!!

(215 Posts)
Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 16:34:33

Just spent the night with new man, first night, this morning he said you know you are pretty now but you would be amazing if you lost some weight?

I was dumbstruck, he then said so you gonna lose some weight then

I'm a 14

Very upset I will be honest

Charbon Thu 24-Jan-13 16:53:31

I think the final nail in the coffin was when he followed up with the expectation that having delivered his mighty judgement, you were going to act on it. Sort of 'The Man Has Spoken'.......

Awful.

Dump and tell him why.

COCKadoodledooo Thu 24-Jan-13 16:53:48

Wanker. Run very fast in the direction of away!

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 16:53:59

Oh God that's bloody terrible. Please tell us you're not going to see him again....PLEASE!!

rosiesmartypants Thu 24-Jan-13 16:54:03

What an arsehole! If you make a change in your life it needs to be for yourself and no-one else.

But sweetheart, what are you doing spending the night with someone at 14? You have plenty of time for that later...and I hope you were safe!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 24-Jan-13 16:54:06

FFS don't cry. He's an arsehole!!! He's really not worth losing a drop of saline over... Please don't let this knock your confidence. Just kick him well and truly to the kerb, do the palm-on-palm 'good riddance' gesture and hold your head up high.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 24-Jan-13 16:54:48

'a 14'... size 14 dresses... not 14 years old. smile

HappyGoLuckyGirl Thu 24-Jan-13 16:55:11

That's a hideous thing to say to someone. Especially after spending the night with them!

He obviously didn't have a problem with your size last night and to be honest, he may not have a massive problem with it at all, it may just be the start of his controlling, self-esteem smashing, nasty, vile side he hasn't shown you yet.

Dump his ass. NOW. Sounds like he has the charm and appeal of rotting shit apple.

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 16:55:11

And yes, make sure you detail exactly why he is being dumped...and for the love of God do NOT allow him to explain it away as trivial, and carry on seeing him.

PoppadomPreach Thu 24-Jan-13 16:55:39

Definitely dump him, but don't mention the weight comment. Say it was because you don't have confidence he could properly satisfy you in bed. Say once he's practised, you'll reconsider his eligibility.

hellsbells76 Thu 24-Jan-13 16:55:55

Rosie I think she meant she's a size 14! Please dump him. You're not going to see him again, are you? <another Paddington hard stare>

this actually made me do this shock

how bloody dare he?

and yy the follow up question made it waaaay worse

He sounds charming hmm
If it was just a case of foot-in-mouth-itis, I'd be tempted to give him a chance to grovel and make me forgive him (I wouldn't, but I'd be tempted grin), but the fact he doesn't even think he's done anything wrong?
Eurgh, get rid.

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 24-Jan-13 16:57:30

Run away, quickly. You don't need someone in your life who makes you feel like that!

rosiesmartypants Thu 24-Jan-13 16:57:57

Ha! Ha! Yes just realized that....am blaming baby brain!

DogEgg Thu 24-Jan-13 16:59:18

At size 14 you are not a Flabber. Kick this tosser into touch.

SoggySummer Thu 24-Jan-13 17:00:40

OMG!!! How rude!

He has to go. At best he is an insensitive git!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 24-Jan-13 17:01:12

It wouldn't actually matter if she was size 26..... someone who thinks it's Ok to screw you and then comment on your weight is, aside from anything else, not a gentleman.

Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:02:30

Cogito he sounds a bit like your friends one, yes he has ideas on what I look good in etc, seems very early to start being a control freak

It was the way he patted me on the bum and said so you gonna lose some weight then, and then went to make coffee like nothing had happened

The earlier comment had already floored me, the you would be bit

DogEgg Thu 24-Jan-13 17:03:42

Agreed!

HotBurrito1 Thu 24-Jan-13 17:08:12

What an arrogant knob! He patted you on the bum, like you'd be taking on board his 'helpful' suggestion!

lubeybooby Thu 24-Jan-13 17:12:48

A 14 is a really lovely size.

Please have nothing at all to do with him again. He really doesn't deserve your company.

And yes it's both a red flag and grossly insensitive.

Red flag because he thinks he can control you already, and thinks he is entitled to change you. It would only get worse as time went on. If you lost weight it would be enough - then he's want you to change your hair or clothes etc etc ... see where this is going?

Don't have any form of contact with him ever again

and well done for recognising the red flag.

ArtsMumma Thu 24-Jan-13 17:15:38

I once had someone I like a lot ask me if I lost some weight would I still have big boobs - he was weighing up whether he wanted me to take the risk. I was a size 12! I said, I dunno, but tell you what, if I ever do lose weight I will make some measurements and let you know how it went. never saw him again. think yourself lucky to have a warning sign that you cant ignore, and move on!

ArtsMumma Thu 24-Jan-13 17:16:57

(can i also add that i am SOOOOO not a 12 anymore and my DH loves me the way I am, and knows damn well not to pat me on the arse and suggest otherwise!)

Flabber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:18:34

Is it controlling?

Hes already told me he will look after me and he is good at fixing people, both comments now I look upon with suspicion

hellsbells76 Thu 24-Jan-13 17:20:04

Ugh. Yes. Get rid. It will get worse.

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