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DH being controlling or am I over reacting?

(117 Posts)
Flumpyflumps Wed 23-Jan-13 21:08:19

DH is going away to his mums for the weekend on Friday.
He is taking DD too and I am clear to stay here and have some time to myself (nice!)
HOWEVER. I just said to him I'd most likely go out with my friend sat as it was her birthday this week, and I'd probably take my 'spends' money out for that.

DH thinks I should wait and not spend it this weekend, and if I over spent he Would Not be bailing me out and not to drink too much as its so expensive.

I had up til this point been under the impression that we had equal rights to the money and that I was in fact an adult that could budget already!!

Gah! So annoyed, AIBU?

TotallyBS Thu 24-Jan-13 09:10:54

Lueji - the OP finished with a AIBU? so although I put down the wrong forum name, my point stands.

It constantly amazes me how some women take some minor marital event, post it on MN and then sit back and listen to a bunch of damaged women call her DP a twat, cunt and the like.

My DP on occasions has been some of the above but I certainly would not throw those labels at DP either directly or stand for others to do likewise.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 24-Jan-13 09:41:42

Um, I think what pretty much everyone said was that the behaviour was not acceptable, after ascertaining that the OP is not a wild spendthrift. It appears not to be part of a pattern, the OP has called him on it, he has apologised. I know one person said LTB but she quite clearly said only if there was a lot more to his controlling behaviour than this one incident - and with tongue in cheek if I read it correctly. In fact the main consensus seems to have been that he's jealous over DW having a nice weekend away with her mates while he's at mum's with the kids. And indeed, the DH himself has said so.

But of course, your name is TotallyBS so dredging up imaginary insults is only to be expected.

SweetSeraphim Thu 24-Jan-13 09:46:01

Ah well, at least he's apologised. Glad you called him on it. I know I'm generalising a bit, but I think that a lot of men will try this kind of shit now and again to see of they can get away with it, and be 'in charge' hmm

Anniegetyourgun Thu 24-Jan-13 09:48:11

Let me add, though, it is quite scary how often a minor marital event someone's complained about on here has turned out to be the wee tip of a fuck-off great iceberg. Hence it makes sense to look past the presenting issue, as they used to say in CAB training. In this case, fortunately, it appears the presenting issue is the issue, and easily solved by the OP telling her H not to be an arse. I'm sure we're all very glad of it.

Flumpyflumps Thu 24-Jan-13 09:49:08

Thanks for all your replies.
I'm fairly sure now that, as Sweet says, he was just trying it on, I nipped it in the bud and all will be fine.
Sorry I think I did over react by posting but just wanted to get a second opinion.
Just off to research those £150 cocktails!!

SweetSeraphim Thu 24-Jan-13 09:50:01

<likes> Flumpy's post grin

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 09:52:04

He apologised, but yet still found a way to make you feel guilty about it.
"I'm jealous"
"Why?"
"I don't know"
"Fuck off then"

I think is the correct response.

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 09:54:40

Sweet seraphim is bang on the money, they like to be the boss, I'm sure it's genetic glad he's seen sense. I like the term spends btw. Enjoy your night out.

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 09:59:51

Pictish I admire your hard line stance but I think OP is better off being tolerant of his attitude, in his shoes I'd be a bit jealous too and not begrudge OP a good time but i would want her to know how I felt, as a friend.

SweetSeraphim Thu 24-Jan-13 10:03:08

They can fuck right off 'being the boss' as far as I'm concerned bringmeroses

I fucking HATE being told what to do, and when it comes from a man, it just makes my hackles rise, and I always completely overreact.

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:03:38

Yes...except he didn't just let her know 'as a friend' - he made a point of quizzing her and pretty much trying to influence how she spent her time and money, didn't he?

Who cares if he's jealous? So what? That's no excuse, and being jealous is pathetic anyway. Aw diddums.

He is making his issue her issue, and as such can do one, no?

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:04:52

I have no tolerance for that sort of crap. Thankfully.

If you do, more fool you.

SweetSeraphim Thu 24-Jan-13 10:08:50

<Yes...except he didn't just let her know 'as a friend'>

Exactly. He let her know as The Boss, because that's who he thinks he is.... they all do hmm

Well they can get to fuck.

Oooh, men are pissing me off today. Can you tell grin

Flumpyflumps Thu 24-Jan-13 10:11:46

I can tell Sweet!
He's under no illusion that I will be doing my own thing all weekend once I've finished work Friday eve (note to self may be late for drunk thread!) and that our free time and money is split equally.

I've shown him this thread and he now feels a right knob for even commenting at all.

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:13:15

Friends don't make other friends feel bad about having a nice time anyway. Unless they're an emotionally manipulative tossbag.

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 10:17:23

Aww I am fond of men. I think the telling you what to do thing is kind of endearing, you don't have to take it seriously!
Polish I am a bit old fashioned, I believe in tolerance and compassion, I honestly don't know how people stay together without it. It works both ways.

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:18:15

There are no words.... shock

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 10:20:30

Sorry I mean Pictish. I agree about emotional manipulation but OP has called him on this and he's seen error of his ways. We will save them from themselves with MN grin

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:30:45

Ok sounds good! grin

SweetSeraphim Thu 24-Jan-13 10:45:20

bringmeroses...endearing?? hmm Not on my watch!

Numberlock Thu 24-Jan-13 10:49:15

they like to be the boss, I'm sure it's genetic

What a load of sexist shite.

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 10:52:17

In about ten days I'll have pmt, at which point I will smack myself on the head for the simpering crap I've just posted and encourage anyone who asks to leave the bastard!!! grin

HighBrows Thu 24-Jan-13 10:53:21

a bunch of damaged women on here... I think not. An incident like this can be a turning point in a relationship if not handled properly. I'm glad Flumpy called her dh on this and it's all sorted now.

Enjoy your night out Flumpy.

bringmeroses Thu 24-Jan-13 10:53:30

Numberlock I'm being a bit tongue in cheek. Didn't mean to offend.

pictish Thu 24-Jan-13 10:58:38

Yeah...I think it's one of those occasions when intonation is everything. I think bringmeroses was being deliberately condescending towards men in her posts there...

Like a pat on the head "there there silly man, playing at being in charge" sort of a thing?

I didn't get it at first...but then I did. grin

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