Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Wine Witch Into Touch!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 23-Jan-13 17:50:25

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

Welcome to the Bus. We're a group of posters who have been on a journey to here, there and everywhere when it comes to alcohol and the abusing of it.

Some of us drink, some of us don't at all and some of us are trying to get there, really trying to just stop the cycle, break the habit and calm everything down. Some of us are desperate to not be 'that' person anymore.

One Day At A Time or ODAAT.

So what have you got to lose? Weight? Saggy, puffy eyes each morning? False friends? The risk of cancers and other fatal illnesses......... why not join us?

We have a resident MonsterCat, Wolf called Seth and Squid called Barry (best not to ask about Barry! grin)

And, if you want to see where we've been so far, the links below will show you. The first ever thread is the best by far, because the OP is just like you. And me.

FIRST EVER THREAD

PREVIOUS THREAD

eminemmerdale Thu 24-Jan-13 14:45:12

Hello all. Welcome free I think we're all in similar situations when trying to get rhrough to people that we can't drink normally !!! It's really hard at times to explain, especially when all around you, as we've recently been discussing, drink is portrayed as normal and expected and even glamorous! It's very irritating - to put it mildly.
mrsm - don't beat yourself up. You did really well. I'd have had the bottle and then some!!
As usual, a splendid post from mouse where would we be without you??! I am so chuffed to see my MonsterCat has his own special place <proud> He won't move from there - big lazy lumpoid.
Still at work so best look busy - love having my own office - I can sit here typing away as if i am saving the world grin

curryeater Thu 24-Jan-13 14:48:43

hello everyone

very busy day today at work so will just pop in and say hi. And have to leave early for dr's appointment.

good to hear from you all, will reply in more depth later

Welcome freetobeme

Have a good day everyone

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 14:50:32

welcome free and well done for being brave and posting here

sorry can't stop, mad rush, just making sure I caught The Bus

hope everyone is staying strong today

xxx joey

Freetobeme Thu 24-Jan-13 15:17:49

Thanks everyone, you are a very welcoming bunch!

Clutter - have you been off the booze completely since September? If so, that is amazing, you must be looking and feeling wonderful! Tell me how you have done it!

Mouse - I am not sure about the AA, part of me thinks I don't belong there as I haven't screwed up my life enough. Am definitely functioning but can't stand the feeling that I am wasting my life and becoming someone I don't want to be. But I know I've got a problem and I know it won't just go away.

On re reading my post, I know it sounds bad that my DH is not taking it seriously. He is such a nice bloke and thinks the best of me I suppose. He does like a drink but is more of a beer drinker and I genuinely don't think he has a problem. When he knew how much my drinking was bothering me ( when I stopped for 4 months) he was supportive. But I suspect he thinks because I stopped for that amount of time, I'm ok now , and he hasn't noticed I'm back to where I was before.

Will have to go now but will come back on later this evening.

Hope you are all having a happy sober day smile

PurpleWolfe Thu 24-Jan-13 16:11:30

Sorry not to read back. Just got in and am dashing back out in a short while for DCs swimming very shortly.

Thanks for asking Mouse but I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. Sorted out DD and we were on talking terms again this morning (then she missed the sodding bus this morning! But, I wasn't too hard on her as I was going to town anyway for this course). I checked my bank account this morning and the housing benefit was less than usual. ??? My circumstances haven't changed so I thought it was an error. I (eventually) managed to get through to them and it seems they have lowered the Local Housing Allowance and, therefore, I am now £300 per year worse off. With the hike in my energy supplier's bills, the insurance going up and other stuff I can't (don't want to) remember, I'm going to be almost £500 worse off.

I feel like throwing the towel in. I have had enough now. I hate winter anyway but this extra 'lot' is making me feel 'what's the point? My house is a tip and everything seems to be on top of me right now. Can't promise that I shall still have my gold star by the end of the evening. sad

greeneyed Thu 24-Jan-13 16:15:43

purple should we give barry an oiling?

I'm sorry it's tough sad spending a tenner on wine will not make it better. Can you calculate how much you are saving not drinking as a positive to counter it. X

greeneyed Thu 24-Jan-13 16:18:08

Your trigger finger is hovering over the fuck it botton. You proved last night you don't have to press it if you don't want to. Big hugs x

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 16:32:52

purple your gold star was for what you achieved yesterday. you get to keep it no matter what. <hugs>

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 17:46:36

Free - he was supportive. But I suspect he thinks because I stopped for that amount of time, I'm ok now , and he hasn't noticed I'm back to where I was before.

I know EXACTLY what you mean by that, my DH was the same. For example, when I go for ages without having any alcohol, he'll say, see, you've not got a drink problem. hmm

The thing is I KNOW that I have so I have to watch every step I take to ensure that I don't go back to binge the drinker I was before, much like where you are now I'm guessing

AA isn't for everyone, I mentioned it because you did grin

My advice would be to go and see your GP as a starting point, be 100% honest (they're not stupid) about the amount you're drinking and how often and take it from there.

I went with a written list of things I wanted to tell him. I knew that I'd lie or bail or forget stuff so I wrote it all out and gave it to him saying 'please just read this and then tell me what I need to do' or something like that!

Do what feels right for YOU. It's a very personal thing. xx

Purple - listen to Greeny - she talks sense.

I'm glad you and DD are back on speaking terms again, even if there's going to be many more 'spats' to come and boundaries pushed to the fecking blue moon and back again! She is going to be very hard work BUT when you need her, I mean really need her, she could be there.

Keep going, keep trying to live with each other. I'm so sorry about the fact that you're going to be worse off ££ wise. sad xx

Mouseface Thu 24-Jan-13 18:06:37

Greeny - spending a tenner on wine will not make it better - so that's 3 bottles then?? wink

I'm supposed to be going out to my lovely friend's house later but I CBA. It's FREEEEEEEZing cold here and I'm tired after last night with Nemo being sick etc so it will be a VERY short visit tonight.

The skies are clear here which means that the frozen snow and ice is going to get worse when it compacts. I really don't fancy ice skating tonight and the car will sideways as the small roads aren't clear so I'm better hiking with my stick and walking boots. Bbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sadsadsadsad <---------------- cold Mouse grin

Be Brave Babes!! xx

MrsMalinky Thu 24-Jan-13 18:49:45

Hi everyone,

Thank you mouse for taking the time to reply. You're right that DH gave me the green light and I felt I had a reason, but there will always be a reason. I think he was a bit shocked when I first said no as usually I'm the one shouting "lets celebrate" and getting the wine out. He looked hurt and it's not his fault I haven't talked to him. Obviously I need to.

So many stories ring true on here. My family are all "drinkers", my inlaws and friends the same. I have told DH before that I'm drinking too much but as its bingeing rather than drinking every day he always says "well just have a couple and stop then". So speaks the non-addict. He doesn't know about that first hit that someone else mentioned, that I start planning my first drink while driving the kids home from school, red or white? The good stuff or the cheap plonk? Why am I thinking about this at 4.30 in the afternoon just because its Friday?? Not good.

I think I haven't confessed all to him as I am ashamed. I am very "together" in every other part of my life and this feels like failure. He also genuinely doesn't think I have a problem because I'm not "that bad" and don't do it very often. In fact when I wake up with hideous post-alcohol paranoia he always tells me how sweet and funny I am when I've "had a few".

Having said that if he knows something is important to me he's hugely supportive regardless of what he thinks. He knows that I am dieting and I said this morning that booze was screwing up my diet and I had to stop it, and he agreed. He's not sabotaging me he just doesn't get it.

sigh lots to think about.

Welcome free and hang in there purple

kotinka Thu 24-Jan-13 18:50:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 19:49:18

Hi all. Not drinking tonight but frickin fed up with dieting. Am trying hard but I think less than a pound this week. It gets less and less each week.dh made stew with dumplings tonight and I was so fed up with salad shit that I had a huge plateful which won't have helped.how can I lose it faster without being even hungrier which I can't bear?

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 19:51:19

I aalso have a DH who says 'just have one' and doesn't understand how hard that is!

Freetobeme Thu 24-Jan-13 20:59:35

Mrs M and Mouse - hmmm, interestingly similar responses from DH's. I think talking about it with my DH , and hearing his response, is like looking in a really flattering mirror that makes you look a stone lighter...it's lovely to look at but deep down you know it ain't true!

Whereas his reassurance ' you're not that bad/ everyone does it sometimes/ you were no worse than...etc) used to placate me, it really doesn't do the trick any more. And I think that's probably a good thing.

Mouse, yes I did bring up the AA in the first place, I know. Was just mulling a little more as to whether it might be for me. I like the advice re seeing my GP and taking some notes so I don't gloss over things. I worry abut it showing up on my medical records when I apply for life insurance etc . Does anyone know how confidential this would be.

Purple, I know you don't now me from Adam but I've been reading the previous thread and trying to catch up, I am sorry you have had a tough day and hope tomorrow is kinder to you.

Determined ma, I am by no means skinny but did lose a stone on the paleo diet last year, I didn't get that hungry and I have a pretty good appetite! I used to have a protein rich breakfast (ie omelette with veg in) and take an Omega fish oil supplement and that with the rest of the diet did seem to shift a bit of weight.

Have a nice night, I am off to sup my lime and soda.

eminemmerdale Thu 24-Jan-13 21:02:59

evening!! sat with my belvoir cloudy lemonade (with a dash of orange...) which i felt well posh buying in Tescos tonight. Struggled a bit avoiding the alcohol aisle but am NOT cracking grin DH ill which is beginning to irritate me - he's a very good 'ill' person but he does wander around looking woebegone and brave which annoys me! CBB now. Hope everyone has a good evening x

determinedma Thu 24-Jan-13 21:16:02

Hi free. I want to lose two stone in total but it seems so slow! Half a stone in 4 weeks.
And I can't even have a cup of tea as there is no bloody milk in the house - grrrrrr

aliasjoey Thu 24-Jan-13 22:10:38

ma hey you're doing better than me, I'm not even trying! am really going to have to start soon though, I just keep thinking without my wine I need to have some treats instead

day 20!

KoalaKube Fri 25-Jan-13 01:19:51

Hi Babes and welcome Free I'm impressed you were off booze for 4 months, but it just shows how easy it is to think you've cracked it and can be a 'normal' drinker again. I did that for 3 months 10 years ago, and relapsed even worse, then tried again but only for a week a couple of years ago and relapsed even worser. I'm now on my 47th day sober and I'm constantly on the look out for the complacency to kick in (or the Wine Witch as she's known round here, she makes you crazy cravey, and just when you think you've got her beat she sneaks up with a caress and a whisper in your ear next thing you know you're out in the cold in the Side Car). Try again Free you've kicked her ass once you can do it again.

i've got the stinky cold at the moment so off work for a few days, but not ill enough to lay in bed, so continuing with the decorating - I seem to be slapping paint on anything that doesn't move at the moment! Had to go to the pub tonight for Resident's stuff again, had a diet coke and had a funny deja vu moment when someone (who knew I wasn't drinking) asked me to hold their drink for them - wasn't tempted in the least, but I'd read the exact same story on one of these threads - it was kinda comforting that it had happened to one of us before! That's the Bus for you - we've all been there, done that and are wearing the T-Shirts.

I'm still stuck on the 10lb weight loss and might have a go at that 5:2 Fasting diet, checked out the video last night on MN link and like the sound of it. I'll start tomorrow and report how it goes.

DD2 coming home for the weekend tomorrow so will have some company (who am I kidding she's 16 and will probably spend most of her time in bed or on twitter ) - so I'll try to think of something nice for us to do together.

Night night and I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TOMORROW

Aw Purple, I so feel for you, it sounds as though you are being pushed & stretched in every direction. Well done for being strong, huge hugs & love for you honey
((( )))
I so know when your stressed how easy it is to reach for the glass. Last night we wet to in-laws for sis-in-laws birthday, it was all stressful (shouldn't be, but I suffer anxiety) they get ds so hyper, was all chaotic then they decided we were going out for tea. As soon as we arrived I asked for glass of wine & practically downed it one to take edge of stressful situation. Was driving so knew I couldn't have another but really resented not having another sad I'm glad now though that I'm not hungover smile
I really hope today is a better & brighter day for you.
freetobeme nope not sober since September, but trying hard to be more aware and not relapse so bad, sometimes it's working, sometimes not
Wishing all the brave babes lots of strength today xx

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 09:50:59

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Day ? of a poorly Nemo but no puking last night so a bonus and he is brighter today.

Free - re the GP and life insurance etc, if you give permission to look at your medical records then yes, they will access ALL info about you and your health.

I have life insurance and wasn't refused after years of documented drug and alcohol abuse. I think the important thing is that you are doing (or in my case did ) something about it and that too will show on your records.

The thing is, your GP could be the key to that door you've kept locked for a long time. There are so many various forms of support out there from hypnotherapy to medication and of course support groups. It's all about finding one that works best for YOU.

You may have to try a few before you find one to suit but that's the same with most things in life! grin xx

MrsM - PHEW! I'm so glad that I didn't scare you off!

Having said that if he knows something is important to me he's hugely supportive regardless of what he thinks. He knows that I am dieting and I said this morning that booze was screwing up my diet and I had to stop it, and he agreed. He's not sabotaging me he just doesn't get it. - BINGO

He doesn't get it because he's not an alcoholic . He doesn't have a problem, so nor do you. If you normally drink with each other, as buddies and match your drinking like for like, then he sees this as the norm for you both and if you think YOU have a problem with alcohol, then that forces him to think the same and he's not going to do that. Not now anyway.

I like the dieting line and if for now that works, stick with it until you are in a place mentally and emotionally to sit him down and explain it in more detail. Good on him for supporting you with the diet. Use it! smile xx

Ma - you too are giving up two things at once, alcohol and food. Tough call. Especially in this weather, who wants salad when you can have stew and dumplings? Not me!

How about half portions, little and often, more water throughout the day to keep you hydrated and feeling fuller. Or smoothies? Not caffeine though..... could you have something warm for breakfast like porridge or ReadyBrek? Or a warm lunch like soup and a roll or a pasta dish? You need slow release carbs and fibre to keep you fuller for longer.

I know it's tough but you will get days and weeks where you don't lose any weight. Don't let that stop you now lovely. It's your body reacting to the diet. Once you start to use up your reserve cals/fat stores etc, the body tries to hold onto them so you slow right down or stop losing altogether. Bummer!

Mouseface Fri 25-Jan-13 10:03:54

Joey - great news on day 20!!!!! Go you!! smile xx

Koala - 47 days? That has flown past hasn't it?!!! Is that from when you got on the Bus? Wow, that is really impressive. Sorry to hear that you have a stinking cold. Bleurgh.

I looked at that 5:2 fasting diet too..... I think I'll wait to see how you get on before giving it a whirl! grin Hope you feel better soon and have a nice wknd with DD xx

Clutter - I so know that downing that first glass of ice cold white to get the rush of fuzzy relaxation after a shitty time. Is really does take the edge off doesn't it? I'm glad you were driving too otherwise you'd have carried on and felt like deep fried dog vomit this morning for sure. Keep going Brave Babe xx

Purple - how are you today sweets? How are things with DD? How are you feeling about everything that's going on? ((HUGS)) xxxx

Nemo has school later so we're pottering this morning, it's freezing here again and when walking home last night I looked up and the moon and all of the stars around it and though just how gorgeous it all looked.

If I was pissed, I wouldn't have even thought to do that, never mind remember it. It was spectacular. A deep navy blue sky, dotted with pure white twinkling stars, and the moon was so pure, really clear and bright. I love living away from the city and the light pollution.

How's everyone else out there?

Thurso? Obrigada? SAF? IsinDe, where have you gone off to? And any other Babes (newer or not) who we've not heard from for a while....... come give us a wave!

helpyourself Fri 25-Jan-13 10:09:36

Morning my lovelies!
mouse- wise words as ever! You asked about my job. grin
It's a paid role similar to the one I did as a volunteer for the same charity. Some out of office visiting, lots of paperwork, very specific and relevant to this thread, so I'll pm you and anyone else who asks.
I'm also going to upload a picture of my puffy face for a short time!
Love and HALT to all.

curryeater Fri 25-Jan-13 10:26:41

Hello all Brave Babes,

firstly - thankyou to all for the support I had the day before yesterday, that very dark day. It was very kind of you all and I very much appreciate it.

Things are looking a lot better, dp and I have had a good chat. I went to the dr yesterday and explained a lot of things. Have a prescription for fluexotine and am havering about whether to take it. Might look in on the ADs support thread.

Lots of people on this thread seem to be hovering in that point where they are keeping things together but feeling semi-desperate a lot of the time. Purple, so sorry to hear about your money worries, that is really shit. So many people are finding their money just isn't enough. I have no advice on the matter, just... I get it.

My family drink a lot too.

dd2 isn't herself and was crying last night - I was too tired to deal with it and just took her to bed instead - I didn't sleep brilliantly but she is so beautiful and I miss her so much, I decided to think of it as a slightly foolish treat just to spend the night with her, even if it leaves me tired. It's funny, she is only learning to talk, yet she was talking in her sleep - "no! walk! walk!" she said, I think she was dreaming that someone was trying to put her in the pushchair.

Weekend coming! and here at least we have much higher temperatures forecast. So that will be a relief to everyone who can't afford to put the heating on!

Have a good day all babes

greeneyed Fri 25-Jan-13 10:38:29

curry fluoxetine has changed my life, I fought against taking ADs for three years then I got really poorly and it wasn't really an option. It's one of the oldest, safest ADs which they have the most data on. Why not give it a try? You will likely get some side effects in the first couple of weeks and it takes two weeks for them to start having an effect so you need to stick it out for that time is you can. Side effects I had were teeth clenching, dry mouth and disturbed sleep, these went after a couple of weeks. I am still on them 5 years later no ill effects no desire to stop them (I have OCD which is likely to return if I do) good luck xx

This thread is not accepting new messages.