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Is it reasonable to be annoyed by this kind of stuff or am I OTT?(15 Posts)
Tonight I DH is out and I have been using the office to do some work. DH works from home, in the box room. He uses 2 computers for work. He is into his tech so we have other stuff e.g chargers for ipad etc and office equipment in there too (e.g printer/scanner machine, lamp etc). I have gone to plug something in tonight and found that he has plugged one multi point extension into another, and has added a multiplug into one of the extensions.So at some point he has had at least 9 plugs going into one socket, if not more. I know the number is not as relevant as the amps, but I have checked one of the computers and that alone is over 3. I am really annoyed about it and feel like he has put us at risk, but not sure if its a bit silly and I am being OTT?
To put it into context, things like this happen reasonably frequently. For example over Christmas he 'forgot' that we had reduced DD2
's movicol dose. She had just started to poo on the toilet for the first time (she is 4 in April) after a chronic problem with constipation. Since he inadvertently gave her the wrong dose a number of times (before I realised) she has completely stopped again, and she has reverted back to pooing in her pants and withholding until her night nappy is on.
To be fair to DH, he generally acknowledges my point-he doesn't belittle me or say I am OTT. But issues like the two above happen at least every couple of weeks. We go round in circles-I try to accept and move on, then something else like this happens. I am starting to feel hopeless. But maybe I am expecting too much and need to chill? I am finding it hard to work out whats 'normal' in a relationship. So I try not to stress about random stuff like feeding DD's odd combinations of food for tea (like missing carbs or veg) but I have lost confidence in knowing how much some other stuff matters. I am, of course, not perfect, and make mistakes, like missing DD's apt with the nurse last week. He never makes an issue about stuff like this.
In loads of ways DH is great. He adores the children, we both work part time and share childcare about 50/50. He is not critical or controlling-we share finances equally etc. But I just find that events like the plug one tonight and the movicol one happen with strange frequency.
Being OTT every couple of weeks is not that frequent, we all make mistakes only human. I do get being annoyed over it though, my DH is laxadaisical (spelling?) And it drives me mad
I would be worried about the electrical thing, sounds dangerous to me. Is he just forgetful/absent minded? Has he got something on his mind? I dont really know what to think tbh. Sorry thats probably not helpful!
It would annoy the bejezus out of me and words would be had. Both of those are big things. One could have killed all of you in a house fire and the other has made DD have a big set back in something important.
The electricity thing, is inexcusable really,unless he's dense he must have thought at some point, this is dodgy and done it anyway. that's not absent minded. the change of dose catching him out is more forgivable or understandable anyway.
maybe he's just one of those people that can benefit from a well placed post it note for important stuff?
He needs to get his brain in gear frankly. It is so draining living with someone who won't take equal responsibility for the important things.
Do you think he messes up on purpose so you won't ask him to do stuff?
I'd be worried about the electrical thing too
Thanks for the comments so far, it's helpful to get other people's perspective. He is generally very forgetful EXCEPT when it is something he is motivated by or is interested in (usually something technology related). I really don't believe he messes up deliberately however I do think I have enabled him to some degree (reminding/checking etc). It's not just his memory though, he just doesn't see stuff. The same day I realised there was a problem with the movicol(and it is always be me who 'realises' something is wrong, despite equal share of stuff like toileting etc) we were out in a museum and I turned around to see him carrying DD2 across the hall with the rucksack strap round her neck. She was laughing because he was joking with her, but he just didn't see the bag hanging off her, it was bizarre.
I am drained by it. I don't think I noticed it much before DD1 was born (she is 7) but its been a constant theme since then. When we talk about it he feels very low and apologetic. To be fair, he rarely does the same thing twice-he will be spot on with the movicol now.
I can't see the link, tbh with the 2 situations you describe.
The electrical thing, is something he's decided is OK (I'd question that myself, and not want it as a long term thing, but with the proper circuit breakers in place, I'm not convinced you're about to spontaneously combust).
The medicine is a genuine mistake that he's made, and that I'm sure he's just as sorry about as you - possibly feeling worse.
I can't see what "this kind of stuff" is, tbh - as you say yourself, we all make mistakes.
BackforGood-I really appreciate the different perspective. I wrote about these 2 as they were both relatively recent, but yes they are different in nature. The link for me is that he doesn't seem to think things through. I guess the forgetting of the movicol was understandable, but then he didn't seem to think through the fact that her poo had changed consistency again and she had gone backwards, so to speak. As soon as I had a full day with her I realised something was wrong and worked out what had happened. I guess I feel like he doesn't see past the bit where he gives her the medication (follows my instructions?? ) when actually his responsibility is also to monitor whether its working etc.
With regards to the electricity socket - my DH is an IT professional and we also have a home office with lots of computer and other equipment plugged in. He has made a purpose-built unit to contain all the extension sockets needed for the equipment, there are 18+ sockets plugged into one (not all of them used all the time). Granted, it is probably a lot tidier than your husband's arrangement sounds.
My DH both calculated and measured over time (using a meter) how much power was being drawn by the equipment, and it never came anywhere near dangerous levels, because computer equipment just doesn't draw enough current - in fact it is many times less than kettles and heaters.
Technical stuff from DH - A PC including screen & other hardware, typically uses a maximum of 300-400 Watts. A kettle uses 3,000 Watts - sockets are built to cope with at least 3,000 Watt appliances. Therefore, you'd probably need to have about 10 computers running full whack to be at risk.
For peace of mind, we have had a smoke alarm mounted above the office area, but we have been living with this type of arrangement for around 12 years, and have never so much as blown a fuse, so maybe don't worry so much about the sockets. Trailing cables are probably much more dangerous.
He does seem a bit careless, though there isn't really much to go on here. It's critically important to administer medicine correctly. That's something he should check and double check.
Daisy chaining gang plugs is not the smartest idea in my view. An electrician would advise more accurately, but still. I have multi socket, heavy duty surge protectors for our tech equipment, about 8-9 sockets per plug. The house has a modern fuse system. The electrician was happy with these, and only warned against overloading the circuits with heater, hairdryer, cooker, plus plus, all at the same time (in fact, much in line with small's post above).
The main point though, is how you feel about it.
Smallnotfaraway - thanks, that was really helpful information. I guess if I am honest that i wish DH would take that more calculated approach. I feel reassured by the answers i have got here, but i think its more by luck than design that its probably quite safe (though not ideal.)
LadyWordy - yep, i think you are right, its how I feel that matters. I know i didnt give much detail or many examples, for some reason i felt it unfair to write a whole list of things that have come up over the last few weeks/months, I don't know why. But I am clearly unhappy about the pattern and, I think, have a particular concern that he doesn't take responsibility for quite a lot of stuff. I need to think it through some more and talk to him.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts.
Electrics is fine, not enough wattage in those type of devices for it to be a problem.
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