Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is he a dick

(31 Posts)
Bitofadviceplease Sun 20-Jan-13 09:28:55

Hi, just after a bit of advice...

Been seeing a guy I met off a dating site for just over a month. All going well & very happy although he's a bit too much of a 'jack the lad' for me as I'm not the 'out every weekend' or partying type, however I'm not going to stop him going out doing that if he enjoys it.

However, we had been meant to be going together to his friends sisters 40th party last night. I had not been feeling well all day & had actually been sick earlier in the day!

Come 6pm, I felt so sick I couldn't even eat my dinner. I was half expecting him to just say he'd stay at home & look after me & give the party a miss. However, he continued to get ready for the party & said he had to go because it was his best pals sisters party.

I eventually said I'd just go home to my place then as didn't want to sit at his alone feeling crap when he was out getting drunk.

He sent literally a couple of texts last night all night so u don't even know if he got home :/ was expecting him to maybe have even called me once to see how I was or is that just wishful thinking?

I'm meant to be meeting his folks today & his wee boy from a previous relationship but I'm still a bit pee'd off with him for his decisions/behaviour last night.

Thoughts?? Am I over reacting?

dequoisagitil Mon 21-Jan-13 10:30:10

As they say, when someone tells you what they're like, listen.

It's too soon to meet this guy's child anyway. Not fair on the child.

McBalls Mon 21-Jan-13 10:37:01

What would worry me (or turn me off) most is that he would introduce his son to someone so quickly.

Doesn't that make you wonder about his maturity? I would see this as a huge lack of emotional intelligence or integrity.

sparklyjumper Mon 21-Jan-13 10:44:07

I don't think he's a dick for going to the party, it's still so early in and I don't even know if it would be reasonable to expect a long term partner to stay in to look after you unless you were really sick, the fact that you were able to get home says you didn't really need looking after.

I would question your compatibility though, if he's a 'jack the lad' going out partying type and you're not. Might be setting yourself up for a big fall.

SorryMyLollipop Mon 21-Jan-13 15:18:47

He's a dick (not because of the party), and he's told you that he's a dick.
I was seeing a guy a while back who told me that he had got "very angry" in a situation with an ex. We had been together a couple of weeks. I remembered the saying "when someone tells you who they are, listen!" From MN.

I knew it was a red flag, I walked away thankfully.

People can and do change BUT they need to:
1) want to change
2) be ready to change
3) understand how/what/why to change
3) take steps to change, sometimes with additional help

Has he explained to you the process of change that he has been through? What triggered it etc? How he self monitors etc?

Wanting and wishing do not make people change, unfortunately.

susanann Mon 21-Jan-13 15:55:29

In your OP you said youre not a partying sort of girl and hes a jack the lad. Then later on you say youre very compatible , sorry but that sounds contradictory to me. He doesnt sound like your type and also the treating women like shit bit is very worrying! But clearly you dont want to hear that. Good luck, youre gonna need it hun!

Crinkle77 Mon 21-Jan-13 18:47:08

YABU. If it was just an ordinary night out with the lads then I would say he might have been a bit mean but it was a special birthday party. And if you have a stomach bug it would be unfair to expect him to hang about and catch it off you. If you were ill in bed then what is he going to do? he may as well go the party.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now