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Honest opinions wanted - Am I too needy/demanding?

(65 Posts)
WigCarpet Sun 20-Jan-13 00:03:33

Partner lives with me during the week and stays at his mother's house on a weekend due to the fact that he has his kids on a weekend and we're not yet at the stage where they are ready to sleep over at my house. Plus my house is tiny so it would be a bit claustrophobic for everyone involved if they did.

Anyway.

As he stays here throughout the week, I REALLY miss him on a weekend. As soon as he leaves on Saturday mornings I start to feel a little empty/lonely. I know I shouldn't, I managed fine as a single parent for years but having him here all week really makes me miss him on a weekend. I miss having someone to watch TV with, I miss having someone to share stupid youtube videos with and I miss him laying in bed next to me so badly.

Well, he left about 3pm this afternoon and I heard nothing from him all night after that. He used to text me throughout the weekend and now I barely hear from him once he leaves. He sent me a quick text at 10.30pm to say he'd won something on ebay that I wanted and that was it. I replied and have received nothing since. I won't hear from him much tomorrow either, maybe one text if I'm lucky.

I know he has his kids and of course he wants to spend quality time with them but it kind of upsets me that he can stay here all week and then more or less pretend I don't exist as soon as he leaves.

Be honest, am I being too demanding or needy??

Yes

Whether you are demanding would depend on what you have said to him, and how often you expect him to text/call.

Tbh what you have said about missing him the minute he leaves and feeling empty without him does sound a bit needy to me (sorry) is it quite a new relationship?

brownbearsleeping Sun 20-Jan-13 00:13:36

IME experience people are often uncharacteristically 'needy' when they sense that something isn't right and that makes them desperately seek reassurance. It sound like your partner is certainly dividing his life into very separate bits - you, and his kids. I think it's normal to react to that by feeling quite needy. If you're not at the point in your relationship to have his kids at yours, then I wouldn't have thought you're at the stage where one person can go silent for days without it feeling uncomfortable. That sounds quite 'married', although of course lots of very long term couples wouldn't have a day without contact.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 00:13:54

Ditto.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 00:15:24

The 'Ditto' was intended to appear below AP's response but faster fingers got in first smile

Floralnomad Sun 20-Jan-13 00:18:06

Yes you do sound 'needy' and also have you met these children and are they local?

FaffTastic Sun 20-Jan-13 00:26:39

The missing him the second he leaves the house sounds a bit needy - he's only away for the weekend not weeks.

Though it would bother me too if I didn't get any texts from him over the weekend. I'd expect a few if only to say hello, goodnight etc.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 20-Jan-13 00:30:11

I think it's time you went back to doing what you used to do at weekends before you met him.

WigCarpet Sun 20-Jan-13 00:34:47

See that's what I mean, he used to text me without fail to say goodnight, now nothing. He used to text me Sunday morning to say good morning - now I get a text if I'm lucky about 1pm saying "hows it going?" and that's it.

There probably is some truth in acting more needy when you sense something isn't right, I think I've known for a while that he's going cold on me and the lack of contact when we're not together just reminds me of that and confirms my fears I suppose.

SavoyCabbage Sun 20-Jan-13 00:36:57

My dh works away regularly and I live on the other side of the world from all my family and friends but I'm too busy to miss him. Well, I do miss him because I love him and I like being with him but I know he's coming back.

We speak or FaceTime once a day when he's away but it might be very quick if my dds are doing after school stuff or I am on the phone to my sister or someone that night.

millie30 Sun 20-Jan-13 00:39:01

Well does he text his children constantly during the week when he is with you? I think you need to get a life for yourself when he's not around, missing him as soon as he's out the door does seem needy IMO.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 00:42:15

How long have you been together? Does he come back to your home each Sunday or Monday morning?

WigCarpet Sun 20-Jan-13 00:49:06

No he comes back Monday after work. Been together about 7 months.

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 20-Jan-13 00:50:05

I think you need to start planning your weekends as something to look forward to.

Any museums you want to vist? Clubs you want to go to? Friends you want to see? Even a night of box set, wine and your bed where you can stretch out and not share the duvet! Really oP start looking forward to the weekend.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 20-Jan-13 01:39:33

Start building a weekend life for yourself; start building a life for yourself that doesn't centre on this man. If you think he's starting to drift away, then start drifting away yourself: clinging and whining never works. It's only been seven months, it's not a big deal to move on from, and there is nothing more exhausting and pointless than trying to 'make' someone love you.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 01:48:45

Does his dm live nearby? He's met your dc, have you met his? How difficult would it be to meet up with your respective dc for an occasional Sunday outing?

badinage Sun 20-Jan-13 01:50:46

Are you the same poster whose BF is still hung up on his ex wife/moved his TV in/doesn't buy any groceries?

If so, it's about time you were banned.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 20-Jan-13 01:52:48

What Izzy said - are you part of his DC's/ mum's life? Could you spend some (not all) weekends in his mum's house with them? Seems a pity that you never get to see him at weekends - weekdays are about work mostly, aren't they!

financialwizard Sun 20-Jan-13 10:16:48

No offence meant, but you need to get a life. If you have children take them out on activities to keep you busy. Find a new hobby, maybe one that means meeting new friends. To be honest you sound as though you have low self esteem.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Jan-13 10:19:47

I don't think it's needy or demanding to want your partner around at the time of the week when you have the most time on your hands. During the week there's lots going on, lots of distractions and the weekend you want to kick back, relax, watch the movie or go shopping etc and it's much more fun with someone else. What's the point having a partner?

Doinmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 10:20:51

Does he have his own place?

Doinmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 10:23:13

If you are good enough to live with during the week , then you should be good enough to meet his children and spend time with them at weekends.

FreakoidOrganisoid Sun 20-Jan-13 10:28:20

So you're not at the stage where you're ready for his kids to sleep at your house but you are at the stage for him to 'live' with you and yours?

Have you met his children?

Bez00 Sun 20-Jan-13 10:30:44

I can understand that you might have invested time being together during the week, you may have dropped doing things with friends to make time for him, and are then at a loose end at the weekend. But that can be corrected.
However, missing someone immediately they leave the house is not healthy.
Of course, weekends are the time that you have more leisure time, and when couples go out, go for nights away, go to a late movie.
Why not suggest that he starts to integrate both sides of his life, even if you went with him for one night, or met up on Sunday afternoon for a family day out? In the meantime, you mention you are a single parent, so perhaps plan fun things with your kids, go visit family, go to the park.

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