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'D' H assulted me half an hour ago and I've just given a statement.

(89 Posts)
shadesofwhite Sat 19-Jan-13 21:05:24

He boxed my head and nearly broke my arm. I was terribly shakint and called the police, they showed up in no time and he did a runner before they got here. They are searching for him and I'm home with DD trying to take my mind off what just happened. Sorry I can explain what led tpo this nasty incident now but I just needed a hand holding. Part of me feels guilty coz the ss will get involved and absolutely scared of what will happen next.

lunar1 Sun 20-Jan-13 13:41:37

Well done for phoning the police op, did they find him last night?

BertieBotts Sun 20-Jan-13 13:44:52

Ring Women's Aid back and ask for their advice. Tell them you've been offered a B&B (and I'm sure they would offer you refuge also if they have spaces available and you wanted it).

I have a sinking feeling that if your name is not on the tenancy then your rights are very little - the fact that you've been living there is not taken into account.

Shelter also might be able to advise - they are very good on issues about housing law and homelessness. They have a helpline: 0808 800 4444 It's open until 5pm today and 8pm on weekdays. Calls are free from landlines and also on Virgin, Orange, 3, T-mobile, Vodafone and O2.

In fact I'd call Shelter first and then consider your options. Women's Aid will try to house you if they can but you might have to move out of the area. Of course staying where you are would be the best option, if you can legally stay and IF you can ensure that he can't get back into the house and start living as you did before - it's great that you feel better without him around - hold on to that because you will go through a huge rollercoaster of emotions especially when he gets out and inevitably contacts you. In some ways it's easier to be somewhere else as it can keep reminding you that this is real, it's happened etc - the urge is so strong to have him back and carry on as before, be strong!

Skyebluesapphire Sun 20-Jan-13 13:50:44

Contact your local Sure Start Children's Centre as well. They have all sorts of people that can help you, Homeworkers, advisers, counsellors. All free for mums with children under five. They would help you to find out what benefits you are entitled to. They can sometimes also offer childcare to help you out.

They also run all sorts of courses and baby groups where you could make new friends.

Womens Aid would definitely help you find somewhere to live in the first instance. I agree that if your name is not on the tenancy, you would probably have no rights to remain there.

Also, look into finding some part time work and ring the Tax Credit Office, to see what tax credits you could get if you were working. You would also get help with childcare.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 13:51:17

Are you renting from a private landlord or is the property social housing - i.e rented from a council or housing association or similar?

Please note that, while all domestic violence cases have many common denominators, each case is different and you need legal advice that is specific to your own situation.

Are your married to your abuser and is he the father of your dd? Has he made any attempt to contact you?

It's probable the officers who attended last night work out of your nearest police station. When you speak to the police today and have ascertained the current state of play with regard to whether or not he's been apprehended, ask to speak to be referred to an officer in the Domestic Violence Unit - it may be that you'll be required to leave a message but they will call back.

If you don't intend to call WA today, do take a look at the website as it contains a wealth of information that wll be of value to you.

Many mumsnetters ive in London; without revealing your address, are you in the north, south, east, west of the capital and do you live in an inner or outer London borough?

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 13:52:29

'ask to speak to or be referred' etc

Hang in there, OP. I admire your bravery. Well done for standing up to the fucker. I hope that you get the help you need to keep him out of your life x

shadesofwhite Sun 20-Jan-13 14:01:50

I just rang the police station and the lady I spoke to said she can't give me any info from what happened after, implying that I have to wait for the officers who are involved to contact me when they come in for night shift.

I'm soo worried right now and can't stop thinking how I'm gona cope with this situation. H is the father of my DD and he has a high top job and I feel like he'll get the best lawyers in London to fight me in courts and for the rest of my life. I have nothing apart from my DD, no money, no family no job...sad .

shadesofwhite Sun 20-Jan-13 14:06:26

Our home is private rented. Before I met him he'd lost house to his ex fiancé who had a son(not his) I obviously didn't know what happened for him to lose the mortgage but that's why his current mortgage is under his sisters name (cleverdick) and we rented a home that only only under his name.

Skyebluesapphire Sun 20-Jan-13 14:10:07

It must be very scary and hard for you, but you cannot bring your child up in a home of violent behaviour. There is plenty of help out there for you.

Like Izzy says, which area of London are you in? There are some lovely MN'ers out there who might be able to help you.

Legal Aid for divorce is ending in April and will only be available in cases of DV, so you should still qualify for it. Take a look at the following link for advice and help on finding a solicitor in your area.

www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/legal-aid.htm

You would also qualify for free mediation, although they would not make you sit in a room with him due to DV, you would sit in separate rooms with one or two mediators, going between you to discuss child contact etc, although again, in cases of DV, I don't know how access is affected by that.

Do not feed trapped, do not feel like you have nothing, there are so many organisations out there that will help you and you will be able to get FREE legal advice to get away from him, so do not worry about that.

Stay strong, you CAN do this

Skyebluesapphire Sun 20-Jan-13 14:11:12

feed = FEEL.....

You will need to get legal advice if you intend to stay in your home as you will require an occupation order.

You may want to consider the offer of a b&b once the weather improves, you would only be in b&b for a short while, then they would find you alternative accommodation. At least that way he will have no idea where you are and it will be harder to harrass and bully you.

I hope women's aid can help you access the appropriate support.

shadesofwhite Sun 20-Jan-13 14:15:05

Thank you sky , having alook at the website now. I'm in north London.

xlittlekellyx Sun 20-Jan-13 14:19:26

When u go to court ur ex will probably try ans make u accept an "undertaking" but dont allow this whatever u do xxx only accept restraining order with power of arrest x make sure it has the "power of arrest" attached xx

magimedi88 Sun 20-Jan-13 14:19:54

Can't offer any more advice than the great stuff that others here are giving you but just wanted to say what a very brave woman & good Mum you are for reporting him.

struwelpeter Sun 20-Jan-13 14:21:51

Brave, brave woman.
If you can, call Women's Aid today asap. They are open 24/7 but can be hard to get through to. I think you can leave a message and ask them to call you back. If you begin that conversation today and they will have access to advice for you specific to your area then you will have got the ball rolling for tomorrow when other agencies/offices are open.
Also if DD is under 5, then put a call into health visitor and see what they can do to support or playgroup worker, old antenatal teacher - it's ok they will all have had training or at least some theoretical knowledge in dealing with DV. And lean on SS, they will be so supportive of you doing exactly the right thing and asking for their help.
Not in London, but if you can give an indication of where you are roughly then fingers xxed there will be a MNer around who can give you support or can PM you so not public.
Keep warm, cosy up with DD and don't try to do too much today. Films in front of the telly and chocolate or whatever you two like doing together.
This is the first day of the rest of your life without violence.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 14:23:17

I'm sorry to tell you that as your name is not on the tenancy agreement of your privately rented accomodation, you have no right in law to occupy the premises.

In the absence of any restriction(s) imposed on him by way of bail conditions, he s free to return to the property at any time and he can lawfully ask the police to remove you and your dd.

Under the circumstances, I would suggest you make contact with the police Domestic Violence Unit (which is a quick route to all of the services provided by the women's refuge movement including emergency accomodation) or call Women's Aid as a matter of urgency.

Try not to worry about events that may never happen because if they happen you'll deal with them at the time.

I'm snowed in and going nowhere this afternoon so let's take a look at your options, try to allay some of your fears, and work out the best plan of action for you.

Are you married to him? Is he the father of your dd and is he named on her birth certificate?

xlittlekellyx Sun 20-Jan-13 14:23:30

I had a solicitor but not a good one :/... Ive learnt from my mistakes as not having the power of arreat cost me dearly x

xlittlekellyx Sun 20-Jan-13 14:28:28

Also if you are made homeless the council will have to rehouse you in a council house...u may have to stay in b&b for a small time xx

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 14:35:43

If it's any consolation to you, kelly, I have known many instances - and many have been reported on this board - of the police failing to arrest for breaches of non-molestation Orders where power of arrest has been granted by the Courts.

shadesofwhite Sun 20-Jan-13 14:55:15

oh God im trying to read through the websites and i cant take in anything. I want to be ready for tomorrow ie to be aware of my rights and what help is out there for me and DD. i just cant take in anything sad sad . Im such a wreck and weak. Shelter lines are busy but i'll keep trying to ring them.

izzyizin Sun 20-Jan-13 15:01:12

Forget Shelter. Call 101 and ask to talk to any police officer who works in the Domestic Violence Unit.

Don't stress - have a cup of tea and calm down and we can work out the best course of action for you.

How old is your dd?

ErikNorseman Sun 20-Jan-13 15:05:09

Have you called women's aid? They may be able to unpick all the benefits/housing rights stuff.

Skyebluesapphire Sun 20-Jan-13 15:06:11

It's OK. The main priority is a roof over your heads, anything else can wait. I just gave you the link for Legal Aid, so you know that there is help out there, but you don't need to be worrying about anything now, other than finding somewhere to live.

Like Izzy says, have a cup of tea, calm down and take it from there.

One step at a time

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Sun 20-Jan-13 15:14:02

Shades I am so sorry this has happened to you. What area of N London are you in ? I am in Barnet.

Pilgit Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:11

someone on another thread did a long post of really useful advice - lurker so can't pin it down but am sure some of the others here will know where it is. Good luck and lots of best wishes.

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