this was my original thread two weeks ago with the background info. But to sum it up I was in an on/off relationship for a few years. He was always breaking up over stupid reasons then getting back together. He broke my trust/let me down and treated me badly lots of times. Kept me hanging on for a commitment making promises. Broke up with me again just after new year.
I decided enough was enough and I was gong to cut contact which I did. He kept on texting and ringing, then when he couldn't get through to my mobile he started emailing and then on my work phone. I've completely ignored him for two weeks but he's kept on and on. He misses me, he's sorry, he's lonely, can't be without me. When that didn't work he started saying he had some bad news to tell me and I wouldn't be happy. Then it was he wanted to see ds (not his son but been there since baby), I won't break him and ds up, ds is as much his as mine. When that didn't work he started saying he was going to just come over.
I've lived with the blinds and curtains shut for the last two weeks, I'm not scared of him but he's likely to just drive over and felt spied on. When the door knocked I jumped out of my skin thinking he'd turned up. Obviously all the time I'm having to be strong as I still love him and miss him.
On Thursday it was starting to wear me down, then yesterday morning he was texting me as soon as I woke up asking if ds was off school, asked if he could come over and take us sledging. Kept saying he was sorry for being horrible and he wanted to sort things out for good. I cracked and said ok he could come over just to talk and take ds sledging. Turns out he wasn't even off work so he'd lied. Then he begged me to let him come over that night. I said ok and then he said the snow was too bad to get over and he couldn't get off his drive. This would have made sense had he not been to work plus the fact he got a 4x4 for this very reason. So I told him to just forget it, then he begged me to let him come over in the morning (today), said I was being childish and I'd never split him and ds up.
We ended up talking and he was saying how he's been so unhappy and fed up without me, he'll never leave me alone as he can't bear to be without me, how I'm gorgeous and funny and he'll never find anyone like me nor does he want to, how he knows he needs to sort himself out. He then said he never wanted to break up but I need to let him breathe and do his own thing. He said he wants all the things I want a stable relationship but he needs to be able to do his own thing. The way I feel about that is that we have lots of space to breathe and do our own thing. We were only together half the week if that as we live apart, we spent a week apart every 5 weeks when he was on call, he worked away often, I was rarely included in anyn of his family stuff, he only has the one friend but I've met him only once in 4 years and ex would go out every 2-3 weeks with him. I spent over a year not seeing him in the day at all on weekends while he did a load of work on his house, he goes skiing each year. He doesn't have any hobbies but if he did I would certainly never stand in his way. I just don't think I'm this clingy controlling person he makes me out to be, and if I ever have been a little it's probably because he broke my trust so many times. I just don't see what he's seeing, I loved spending time together but I like my space too I liked having a few nights a week to enjoy my own company.
Fast forward to this morning, he's asked can he come over to do the sledging, I said ok and then he changes his mind. Says I was right when I said if he loved me he'd leave me alone, I was right to ignore him, he's scared to come over as he'll be shouted at, he's feeling sorry for himself. Then says I must think he's happy but he's sad, all alone and scared. And asked me what would coming over achieve? I just don't know what's going on in his head I really don't.
If anyones still with me I know you're probably thinking what did I even see in him, but he can be such a nice guy. When we were actually in eachothers company we got on, liked the same things, both quiet, homely types. He was nice to me always complimenting me, he'd bring me a coffee in bed, he was close to my ds, I've even been away for the weekend and left him in charge with no worries. But he's also done some really horrible shit things which he almost didn't like to acknowledge he'd done, just expected me to shut up and move on.
Don't really even know what I'm looking for here just wish I understood what's going on in his head.
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Relationships
I can't believe I've let this happen again I'm such an idiot.
sparklyjumper · 19/01/2013 11:52
Oooh I feel cross for you OP. 
He begs to come over and when you finally give in he suddenly has no interest in coming over and even has the gall to ask 'what would coming over achieve'... well you tell me matey!
for you. You're doing the right thing for both yourself and your ds. I got trapped with a man like this, many years ago. 7 years of my life wasted on him. Don't let it last that long. He's a complete tosspot.
I like the name PatheticIssuesMan. Think of him as PIM, that'll take him down a peg or two in your mind 
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