Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Family-bit of an aibu?

(26 Posts)
anannoyedwoman Fri 18-Jan-13 15:34:12

My db is known in the family for being quite irresponsible and also for being quite aggressive (not physically) and going on.

I don't know why he's like this but people walk on eggshells around him and he always dominates the conversations, he likes to make out he's hard done by.

We used to get on ok and we've always been there for eachother but the last few years I feel he's got worse in his ways. I don't like his life choices but feel he's my db and I should just accept him the way he is. He stopped working about 2 years ago and hasn't made any attempt to go back into employment yet he has been quite vocal about not approving of me putting ds in nursery while I work. There have been other things.

I don't want to go into too much detail as I don't want to be outed but he rang me to ask for a favour which involved me answering the phone an hour later to provide a reference for credit. I said that in an hour wasn't convenient as I was going sledging, he asked why I can't bring my mobile and I said I could but would rather not as I was going sledging and didn't want it getting soaked. I said I would do it tomorrow.

He went on to say that I could put it in my pocket and it wouldn't take much to answer a call and a couple of questions. And how if I didn't want to help that's fair enough but how if I'd 'broken down in my car or had a smashed window?' he'd help. I didn't think it was comparable at all but didn't want it to erupt into an arguement so just left it at that.

I've ended up not going, he spoke to me like shit, I was trying to make conversation and he said he didn't have time to make small talk about the snow.

I can't stand up for myself or he ends up getting upset, I wasn't deliberately being awkward but he wanted me to literally be available in the next hour. I feel as though if it were the other way round I'd have just accepted he was busy.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 18-Jan-13 16:55:43

Then you can't change him and you can't change the rest of your family. The only person who you can change is yourself, how you respond to him and how much interaction you have. Keep him at arms' length, don't give in to the bullying and don't feel in any way responsible that his life has gone tits up.... it's all his own doing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now